Jokes that 95% of people won't get

Loving the revival, and lol.

Know any good sodium jokes? Na.

Not hard to get, but quite hard to tell, especially after a pint of Guinness or six…

Q How do you titillate an ocelot?

A: Oscillate it’s tits a lot.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

Know any good sodium jokes? Na.

😀

This is one of my favourites but nobody else seems to like it. It came from Kurt Vonnegut:

Q: What is the white stuff in bird shit?
A: That’s bird shit too.

Unbeknown to most people, Pavlov’s first experiment was to ring a bell and make his dog attack Schrodinger’s cat.

Oh, and a Freudian Slip is saying one thing and meaning your mother.

Did Schrodinger’s cat survive this experience Pyro? Have you had a look to see?

Oh, and a Freudian Slip is saying one thing and meaning your mother.

Liked this one 😀

Q: What is the white stuff in bird shit?
A: That’s bird shit too.

Is that even a joke..? 😕

edit: Is it a deeply political ironic joke that’s completely impossible to understand by anyone who doesn’t have a real in depth knowledge of some commentary some guy did on something that sounds a little boring?

Loads of the bloody things at Chemistry Cat.[/url]

Laughed at that ^

Which Strictly Come Dancing contestant knows how many partners they can dance with this year?

Holly Valence

Mr & Mrs Bennett-Not-Another-Thread-Resurection and their son….
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Go on, finish it off, you know you want to!

Gordon!

I was going to tell you all a joke about UDP, but I don’t know if you’ll get it.

if this is the same thread, the Acorbat PDF joke is the best…..

Why did the architect have his house maid/made backwards?

So he could watch television.

Only two things smell of fish.

(Nerds won’t get that one)

I was going to tell you all a joke about UDP, but I don’t know if you’ll get it.

Now that’s geeky.

The barman says “We don’t server tachyons in here”.

A tachyon walks into a bar.

F. Zappa’s version of Sparkyspice’s joke:

There are three things that smell of fish
One of them is fish
The other two…
…are growing on you

Went for a job as a farrier.
Potential boss asked: -have you ever shoed a horse?
-No, but I told a goat to **** off one time

edit: didn’t realise this forum excised the **** word. The joke doesn’t work without it.

I’ll get my cont.

Liked that one nisbend 😀

A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to a western country. They drove to the airport, forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and found there was no pilot on board. Terrified, they listened as the sirens got louder. Finally, one of the scientists suggested that since he was an experimentalist, he would try to fly the aircraft.

He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The sirens got louder and louder. Armed men surrounded the jet. The would be pilot’s friends cried out, “Please, please take off now!!! Hurry!!!”

The experimentalist calmly replied, “Have patience. I’m just a simple pole in a complex plane.”

Whats the difference of a duck?

One of its legs is both the same.

Once a great man said, “I would try to write a critique of pure reason, but I. Kant.”

I used to like Massey Fergusons but I’ve gone off them recently.
I’m an ex-tractor fan.

Einstein’s girlfriend walked up to him and exclaimed
”I need two things from you, time and space.”

He looked at her inquiringly and asked ”What’s the second thing?”

I went to see an exhibition about Mandlebrot at the museum. I had a good look round the first room and then left, once you’ve seen that you’ve seen it all really.

Found some of these hilarious..

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Proof

Proof by Faulty Logic

Math professors and logicians sometimes rely on their own intuition to prove important mathematical theorems. The following is an especially important theorem which opened up the multi-disciplinary field of YouTube.

Let k and l be the two infinities: mainly, the negative infinity and the positive infinity. Then, there exists a real number c, such that k and l cease to exist. Such a s is zero. We conclude that the zero infinity exists and is in between the postive and negative infinities. This theorem opens up many important ideas. For example, primitive logic would dictate that the square root of infinity, r, is a number less than r.

“I proved, therefore I am proof.” – Isaac Newton, 1678, American Idol.

😆

Pie is on offer at my local corner shop, 3.1 for 2

Heard this today and thought of this thread
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Did you hear that Mr. Solfege had a dog?
His name was feedo.

What’s a ratchet??
Like a mouse sh*t only bigger

LOL, keep em coming!

Used, but very very good condition, don’t think they have any marks or real signs of wear on them anywhere.

What’s pink and fluffy?

Pink fluff!

What’s the difference between an apple and an orange?

You can’t wash your windows with a Mars bar.

I was going to tell you all a joke about UDP, but I don’t know if you’ll get it.

well, at least I don’t have to acknowledge that

(credit to my colleague for that one…)

Where do you get Mercury from?

H G Wells.

(Just thought I’d wake this thread up as it’s great:) )

This is a) my favourite thread on STW ever and b) a worthy resurrection. Loving your work.

A man walks into an optician’s.

“Doctor”, he says, “I’m having real trouble using my computer. Unless I’m looking right at my keyboard, mouse or printer, I just can’t see any of them.”

“Ah”, said the optician, “I know what’s the matter here. You’ve got a problem with your peripheral vision.”

Appologies for resurecting an old thread, but I did quite like it.
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I heard a joke ages ago about a base-9 number system to which the punchline was ‘get thee to a nonnery’ but I can’t remeber the joke, anyone here know what might be?

Most of the jokes on Mlehworld, I have to say I have very little idea what they’re on about most of the time.

where’s that thing I lost..?
Have a look under the sofa.. ouch, OUCH!

hilarious in certain circles.. more of a joke that 99.9999999994% of people won’t get though perhaps..