George was an entomologist at a state university. He had applied for a promotion this year and with the promotion would come tenure. But there was a problem.
It wasn’t that he couldn’t teach – in fact, two years ago he’d been honored by undergraduates naming him as their favorite teacher. No, his problem was research: he hadn’t had a successful research project in several years, and in this day of “Publish or Perish”, this was not a good situation.
So one spring day, feeling depressed, he left the University as soon as his morning lecture was over to go work in his garden. He had always found this relaxing in the past. But to his chagrin, he found most of his roses were dying, and on further examination found they were infested with a parasite.
But what were these insects? They appeared to belong to the order Phthiraptera. That was strange — Phthiraptera infect mammals, not plants. He examined them more closely.
Small. Wingless. They looked somewhat like a species of Heterodoxus, but one he had never seen before. He gathered up several specimens, and rushed to his lab, full of excitement — and after examining them closely, was able to write the fastest paper of his life, detailing a brand new and unexpected species!
Well, I’m sure you know result. The article was immediately accepted by the American Journal of Entomology. His job was saved and he received that most coveted prize, tenure. And he received a sizeable grant to study this new species.
You could say he had discovered a new lice on leaf.
****
A recursive function walks into a bar. It sits down and tells the bartender “A recursive function walks into a bar. It sits down and tells the bartender “A recursive function walks into a bar…
****
A Nihilist walks into a bar during closing time. The bartender tells him, “Sorry buddy, we’re all out. We’ve got nothing now.” The nihilist replies, “Good, I’ll have 3 of those please.”
****
A biologist couple had twins. The first one was named Bob. The other was named Control.
****
René Descartes walks into a bar. He’s had a tough day, so he orders a double gin and tonic. The bartender brings it and he downs it. “Another!” he shouts. The bartender obliges and Descartes downs it just like the first. “Another!” he shouts. The bartender brings it, he drinks it in one go. Descartes takes a deep breath and stares off into space for a second. “Would you like another one, Mr. Descartes,” the bartender asks. Descartes ponders than for a second and says, “No, I think not.” *Poof!* Descartes vanishes.
****
A group of logicians walks into a bar. “Do you all want a beer?” asks the barman. The logicians avert a potentially confusing situation by taking the question as it was intended, and each of them in turn says “yes please.” The barman, of course, pours them all a beer, and everyone is happy.
****
Your mama’s so fat, when she stands in front of the TV I can still see the picture. (I think I understand this one…).
