I've just eaten a phal…

I got myself once with a homemade pork vindaloo recipe (Madhur Jafferey)
Got on an exceptionally busy train to Leeds in the morning and i start feeling the sweats coming on.
Instead of the usual 25mins the train is crawling along and I’m feeling trapped and beginning to clench tighter and tighter
I’m beginning to panic now and the train seems to be going slower and slower. Claustrophobia starts setting in
After an eternity (45mins) we get to Leeds and i make a dash to the public bogs there. They aren’t exactly the cleanest of places but i drop trou and the world drops out of me. Pretty much everything i’d ever eaten and drank came out
I phoned the office to tell them i wouldn’t be coming in, hopped on the next (thankfully empty) train back to hudds and painted a brown streak all the way back home

*considers ways of bringing the M25 to a halt*

I’m sure someone will oblige 🙁

Can’t work out which I want more now, a curry or a sh#t…

Do what I did and have both 😕

To paraphrase, its like shitting nettles.

If it’s anything like the night I made the mistake of having a doner meat and chilli pizza, napalm was a closer approximation…

You’ll be glad to hear the M25 is closed in both directions…..

Ta Da!

FFS!! From the HA website:

M40 | Buckinghamshire | Northbound | Lane Closures | Long Delays

There are currently long delays on the M40 northbound in Buckinghamshire between J2-J3. The delays are due to congestion from an earlier closure of the carriageway. The road is now open and traffic is able to pass the scene in lane 3. Lane 1 and 2 will remain closed while emergency services continue to deal.

Due to the delays, road users may still wish to consider alternative routes and are advised to allow plenty of extra time to travel through this area.

Last updated on: 24/04/2014 14:54
M25 | Hertfordshire | Both Directions | Vehicle Fire | Road Closed

The M25 is closed anti-clockwise from J23 – J21a & closed Clockwise from J21 – J22 due to an HGV fire.

Last updated on: 24/04/2014 14:20

The M25 is closed anti-clockwise from J23 – J21a & closed Clockwise from J21 – J22 due to an HGV fire.

Your ring won’t be the only thing on fire on the M25 today, then.

There are currently long delays on the M40 northbound in Buckinghamshire between J2-J3. The delays are due to an earlier spill of toxic chemicals at Beaconsfield Services. The road is now open and traffic is able to pass the scene in lane 3. Lane 1 and 2 will remain closed while emergency services continue to deal.

Due to the delays, road users may still wish to consider alternative routes and are advised to allow plenty of extra time to travel through this area.

FTFY

My first phal was way to hot for me – I finished it but was AssApocalypseNow. I turned up for work 30min late.

The other bloke checked himself into A&E in the middle of the night. He was a contractor – most expensive curry he had ever had.

Is it possible a toxic poop opened up a sink hole that swallowed the M25?

Thar she blows 🙂

Worst is over then, just the fallout residue to cope with.

Not curry related now….
Loving that bog-in-a-bag wwaswas, going to look that up 🙂

When i was a lorryist, sleepovers in the truck where common, sometimes parked up in the middle of London, with no access to a toilet at times, public bogs late at night can be a minefield anyway.
I used to keep a 2ltr ice cream tub, loaded with all the gear to deal with the rear, had to use them a few times. I was allright because i planned for it.
Alan didn’t.
Alan and Marcus worked together, after a heavy night in some shady bar/club they got back to the truck. Alan always slept in the back, he didn’t like confined spaces, sleeping in lorry cab bunks is like being in a coffin, back of the truck awesome.
Might have had some dicky off beer, or the Mc Death fast food.

He had to go, middle of the night, shut in the back of the truck, he could have climbed out the side escape hatch and down the cab (while turtle heading, not easy) a quick look about…..a large Mc Death soft drink cup with the straw, no time to escape the truck.
While drunk he managed to not miss and Mr Whippy one into the cup, almost brimmed it, cap back (minus straw) and smellage was retained in cup too, bonus.

They left fairly early. Very close to the truck was a flash BMW, this is when flash BMW equals driver is a cock.
A dawn raid and a land mine was hidden.
The outcome is unknown, but most likely unpleasant.

Ha, well before I left I made sure the final (5th) poop of the working day was performed, only to hear on the car radio then find in realism the journey in my direction was completely clear.

Hopefully I’m at then end of my saga, and will be applying chamios creme with caution tomorrow.

The thread that keeps on giving! I’ve just been trying to read the last two pages with tears in my eyes. Kryton seems to have just done an Agent Orange on his intestinal flora and fauna; Vietnam all over again! 😆

My wife can’t read her book for me chuckling away like a 10 year old

What a shit ending!

Well that’s it chaps, fun over. Although I think it’ll be a while before I need to adorn the throne again, the trots have stopped and it’s been a quiet night.

Despite a deep cleanse I the shower last night and this morning i am still quite tender. If you’re ever contemplating a Phal or about to do something that could result in a spell in Her Majesty’s Pleasure, re-read this thread carefully and consider the potential consequences to your rear end.

I for one am going no further than my trusty Jalfrezi in e future.