I've just eaten a phal…

This is a thread that just gives and gives 😆

I may be the only one without a sense of humour today. I really hurts, and I’m not in the comfort of my own home where the variety of creature comforts afforded to me namely:

a) Flexible toilet trips
b) Tracksuit bottoms
c) The fridge
d) Softer bog roll
e) KJ02’s nappy rash cream

…just aren’t available.

*Applauds*
*salutes*

Chapeau sir!

Once you recover you might want to consider more fresh fruit and veg to speed up your digestive transit (hint a digestive transit is not how McVities deliver their biscuits).

Beaconsfield Services…an explosive series of eye watering events lasting nearly 30 minutes occurred

I wondered why I woke with a start – that’s too close for comfort!

Did you pack the frozen sprout, looks like you’re gonna need it…

I don’t think the fact that I’m suffering from a bike related boil “down there” helps much either.

Sussex police just tweeted;

Yuck. Just helped NRT with a search in custody and found a mobile phone in a VERY unusual place. Hopefully it wasn’t set to vibrate

Maybe if you haven’t got a frozen sprout available you could pop your iphone in the fridge for a few minutes and then let it make the ultimate sacrifice.

a bike related boil “down there”

That’s disgusting. This thread has reached a new low…

Legends of the Phal

Ah the panic of desperately needing a dump whilst sat on a motorway in traffic miles from services

teasel – Member
a bike related boil “down there”
That’s disgusting. This thread has reached a new low…

These things happen, trust me I am hygienic.

those that know the M25 know that this is a pinch-point

Quite literally in your case.

What state did you leave the bogs at Beaconsfield for some other poor bastard to find? 🙂

I refer my earlier post.

Told you so.

martinhutch – Member

Quite literally in your case.

That must have sounded like a flock of starlings taking off.

Thanks for the morning update OP, and sorry for laughing at your expense.
“You stupid boy Pike” 🙂

I am hygienic

That’s good. You can probably reuse that sprout, then…

*Note to self – Phal was a once in a lifetime event*

Indeed.

At least I earnt something when I did it 🙂

This has to be the most ‘boy’ thread on here for a long time 🙂

On the upside you can lay claim to being one of “those” people who have created (and tested) a chemical warfare weapon in service station toilets!
😉

Why are stories about shit funny? 😳

Ow!!! FFS – 3rd time today already… NEVER AGAIN!!!

Kryton57 – Member

Ow!!! FFS – 3rd time today already… NEVER AGAIN!!!

I refer you to my earlier suggestion:

Between this and janzen boulton i hve picked a bad day to be on holidays…….

It’s the anticipation that makes it 🙂

Hope things calm down, Kryton 😆

Hope things calm down,

It’s always the final dregs that are the worst.

I think Sir needs a….

😆

This thread is STW at its finest. Thanks for reminding me why I never have a hot curry unless I know I have a day or two off work afterwards. Nothing worse than the cold-sweat inducing curry shits.

😀 This thread has made my week. Bravo!

Kryton – wish you were here?

PICS OR IT DIDN’T HA…oh, never mind.

you’re lucky you didn’t have the widower Kryton…

That must have sounded like a flock of starlings taking off.

No more, please – people are looking at me. 🙁

I thought this was a men-behaving-badly laddish style humour thread until this morning.

I’ve just sat for two hours in a meeting where I’m sure the potential customers have spotted my fidgeting / strained look as I attempted to make it through the two hours.

I did, and as Nobby alludes to, its a much smaller quantitative result but the sting-factor doesnt seem to be reducing yet. TBH I just want to go home and have a cold shower. That Bidet up there ^^ looks very inviting right now.

I’ve got the opposite journey home tonight *frantically refreshes M25 Travel news page* 😯

To paraphrase, its like shitting nettles.

😆

*considers ways of bringing the M25 to a halt*

Having 2nd thoughts at attempting to grow 11 chocolate habanero plants now
(had planned Naga but was a bit late sorting seeds)