If your bird was having a fling…….

😆

Can you handle the situation if it gets nasty and I don’t mean the odd phone call. You only have to look in the media to see what some men (and women)are capable of when things go drastically wrong. Although the affair is his fault, you as a stranger could be the catalyst for him to lose everything. Ask yourself honestly is it worth it?

Personally, I think you are only doing it to get one up even if you think its the right thing to do. His marriage and wife are none of your business no matter how much you think it is.

Walk away, don’t look back and use it as experience.

Late to the thread as usual but on reading the OP my first thought is: “You’re the one having the pee taken, matey!” She’s hedging her bets and looking for the best offer so boot her into touch and get on with your life, certainly don’t get involved and definitely put a block on her phone number.

You are not her. You don’t know who she is, what’s going in her life, what she sees as right and wrong.

Precisely the reason that the OP should tell her. Let her know all the facts and then she can make up her own mind whether she wants to try and repair the relationship with her husband or call time on their marriage.

Aah, the facts. Do you always tell everyone the facts. That woman on the train who looks fat? That guy that comes on club rides that you don’t like that much? And what exactly are the “facts” here?

tell the wife in the nicest way possible – a handwritten note on some nice scented paper perhaps, then tell the ex you’ve caught the bad cat aids, probably from some scrubber you boffed up the wrong ‘un while seeing her & THEN ignore all future contact 💡

Then post a link to both their facebook pages on here so we can all enjoy the fallout.

Yes i’m a terrible person.

Happy to help!

Precisely the reason that the OP should tell her. Let her know all the facts and then she can make up her own mind whether she wants to try and repair the relationship with her husband or call time on their marriage.

How do you know whether: she isn’t also cheating on him, they have an open marriage, she knows but has decided to put up with it for the sake of their kids, she is emotionally abusive to him, she won’t think you’re lying and side with him against you, yada yada yada?

I can understand the impulse to tell but it’s pretty unlikely to have anything but negative consequences for you

The plan of threatening to tell is quite tempting though. 🙂

Or she suspects but prefers to ignore the possibility and that helps her get through her life better. Until some twonk jumps in with his “moral” desire to tell the truth at all times.

Aah, the facts. Do you always tell everyone the facts. That woman on the train who looks fat? That guy that comes on club rides that you don’t like that much? And what exactly are the “facts” here?

The facts would be that her husband has been sleeping with another woman. Nothing more than that.

I think it’s impossible to truly consider something as serious as this from someone else’s position but the closest I could manage would be to think whether i would want to know if I were in the wife’s situation, and as difficult as it would be to hear I definitely would want to know. From reading this thread it seems like most people would rather not.

I’ve been idly speculating about the correlation between the “keep schtum” posters on this thread and the naysayers when “should I tell the police about this” (usually car related) threads.

Or she suspects but prefers to ignore the possibility and that helps her get through her life better.

I suspect that this is not healthy long term

Until some twonk jumps in with his “moral” desire to tell the truth at all times.

As already noted doing it for vindictive reasons would be out of order.

It’s a tricky subject, especially considering the OPs position in it all. Would advice be different if OP hadn’t been wronged and this was just an affair he learned of?

The facts would be that her husband has been sleeping with another woman. Nothing more than that.

Really? You describe an entire human interaction in one small cliche?

I suspect that this is not healthy long term

Maybe. Maybe not. Is it up to you (or the OP) to take that decision?

DO you compulsively lie all the time and never ever tell the truth etc

There is clearly the need for tact in life [ though not stw /the internet] but that is not really what we are discussing here is it

Your argument is that folk whose spouses are having affairs never ever want to know. It is somewhat flawed what with that vow they took to forsake all others. If she knows and dont care being told what she already knows wont change anything will it.

Its a tough call tbh as we can all see both sides

That said if it was me and I married a cheating spouse i would prefer to be told

Your argument is that folk whose spouses are having affairs never ever want to know.

No it isn’t. My argument is that they may not want to know, and even if they do they may in fact be better off knowing. And that it is not for a complete stranger to decide for them.

Maybe. Maybe not. Is it up to you (or the OP) to take that decision?

well no, you give her some facts she quite possibly is unaware of and she uses those facts to make a decision.

My argument is that they may not want to know,

if they don’t want to know chances are they already suspect and are in denial. A bit more denial, or coming to their senses, seems a reasonable outcome.

The elephant in the room of course is, you’re not a reliable witness. You tell the wife, he denies it and it’s his word against yours. Who’s she going to believe, her husband or some random stranger on the Internet who’s had an argument with his girlfriend and is looking for a scapegoat?

Different story if you’re bestie buddies, but you stand every chance of coming away from that looking like the bad guy who’s just trying to make trouble. This is the crux I think; you’d probably want to help a friend, but a complete stranger’s marriage is not your concern. You can’t assume you’ll get a rational reaction, that she’s definitely going to go “thanks for telling me,” it could very well blow up in your face.

Wash your hands of all three of them, nothing good will come of this.

Run away and have some Chamomile tea.

I believe he said he has fairly conclusive evidence (emails or whatever). Of course it could be claimed it was fabricated….

You can’t assume you’ll get a rational reaction, that she’s definitely going to go “thanks for telling me,” it could very well blow up in your face.

Or….. 😀

Years ago, I discovered that a long-term girlfriend had had a series of “concurrent” relationships, found out quite by chance when I discovered the evidence. Included in this were 2 tele numbers.

I dithered for a couple of days, then phoned the first number. This turned out to be a bloke who’d dumped her a year or so before, while I was still with her. He was gutted, utterly gutted, even though it had been a while. He even rang later that evening for a further (drunken) chat with me. Seemed like a nice bloke.

I almost rang the second number many times over the next few days….but didn’t. I was a bit chastened by the first call, and had the realisation that I really didn’t know the mental state of the chap I was about to call.

Would he jump from a bridge? Would he murder her in a rage? Maybe fanciful, but I’ve heard of things like this happening, as we all have, so elected not to.

I got shot of her quickly, after a confrontation where she denied everything (of course). I have a feeling she may have married suitor number 2, but don’t know for sure.

Anyway, my advice is to say nothing.

Really? You describe an entire human interaction in one small cliche?

I could speculate on the emotions behind his actions but that would only ever be my interpretation and is unlikely to be anything approaching accurate. I imagine that the wife would ask her husband what his motivations were assuming that she wants to confront him, but that would be her decision.

Or….. 😀

That’s a point. Has nobody asked whether the wife’s a looker. 😉

Has nobody asked whether the wife’s a looker.

about 3 posts in. 🙄

You can’t assume you’ll get a rational reaction, that she’s definitely going to go “thanks for telling me,”

I think you’d have to be very optimistic to think that would happen. Them being pissed is very likely, them remaining civil to you slim, a reasonable chance of them actually turning on you in the first instance.

DO you compulsively lie all the time and never ever tell the truth etc

There is clearly the need for tact in life [ though not stw /the internet] but that is not really what we are discussing here is it

It is a fair point though that we all ‘lie by omission’ all the time. Obviously it’s usually about much less important things but it’s not black and white.

The facts would be that her husband has been sleeping with another woman. Nothing more than that.

Seb Coe levels of naivety!

Plot twist – the wife was in on the action too? 😉

Another voice who says the married man’s situation is none of your business, no contacting his wife. Deal with your own situation and move on. Good luck.

Has anyone mentioned any of the following as yet?
Bombers
Back doors
Flash grenades
Slat/hoof interface
Child’s face
Baby robin

If not, I may compose a more meaningful response.

😆

Different story if you’re bestie buddies,

not necessarily 🙁 still not on great terms after telling my then best mate that his then fiancee had propositioned me…

in my experience best to leave it to the couple concerned & with a reference to the gf, block, blank, delete & move on

not necessarily still not on great terms after telling my then best mate that his then fiancee had propositioned me…

Yeah I’m not sure there are often any winners in this kind of scenario sadly.

That Kant sounds like a right ****. 🙂

Telling the truth when asked is one thing, telling tales just cos you’ve had your nose put out is another thing.

Are we supposed to go round informing on every little (or large) indiscretion we see?

Should I report ever phone using driver I see, Report everyone speeding (better dob myself in cos I break the speed limit every time I ride a motorbike or drive my car.

RLJs look out …..

.

Are we supposed to go round informing on every little (or large) indiscretion we see?

Where’s the line drawn though? You may not report a RLJer but would you report them if they knocked a little old lady over?

Has anyone picked up on the fact there are children involved?

Tell the wife, and definite fallout for the kids.

Don’t tell and there’s a small chance he’ll have his fling, patch things up and they’ll not get the devastation. Threatening to tell, to encourage this may even help. Dobbing him in definitely won’t.

It’s not a clear-cut moral duty to get involved. I’d suggest ditching the “bird” and leaving them to sort their own mess out.

OP – the way i see it is you have a few options:
option 1 – you can be very direct and got the the blokes wife and say “your husbands shagging my bird, and i have proof, and you might want to get yourself checked out, then cut his nuts off”
option 2 – you can do the above anonymously and not state she is your bird
option 3 – get yourself on the Jeremy Kyle show
option 4 – you can confront the bloke and tell him you want a new bike in return for your silence
option 5 – walk away with your head held high and chalk it down to experience
option 6 – shag his wife
option 7 – hoofing slats, weeing in shoes and shitting on faces…him, her or both

your choice of action all depends on your moral compass and your need for vengeance…

Don’t tell the husbands wife just post on Facebook that your ex has been having an affair with a married man from a couple a you. It will soon spread like wild fire as all your female friends start water boarding their husbands to see if it is them.

Deontology (Kantian Logic) focuses on the rightness or wrongness of the actions themselves, rather than the consequences that arises from those actions. for the ethics around consequences, unsurprisingly you need to be reading about…(big reveal)

Consequentialism. which can be sort of summed up most commonly by “The ends justify the means” and we’re back, via Mozi and Demosthenes, to John Stuart Milnes and Jeremy Bentham and the Utilitarian movement

Love a good Ethical dilemma

Brilliant. Only on STW….

Gonzy has it in the following order:
Option 4,6,2,3,1,7,5.
Sort of.
RM.

I say tell her, as mentioned before she might be a looker and up for some revenge action!!! 🙂

No it isn’t. My argument is that they may not want to know, and even if they do they may in fact be better off knowing. And that it is not for a complete stranger to decide for them.

The other person deciding horse as well and truly bolted when her husband was found out having an affair with someone else “bird”. TBH, harsh though it is, I think we all know that our partner having an affair would alter the relationship. IME i have yet to meet a person who would prefer to live in ignorance of this fact though I am sure there are some. I dont think the wedding vows are likely to change form forsaking all others to not telling me about all the others

not necessarily still not on great terms after telling my then best mate that his then fiancee had propositioned me…

Shame that I would be angry as hell but not with the mate as that nate is a keeper

It is a fair point though that we all ‘lie by omission’ all the time. Obviously it’s usually about much less important things but it’s not black and white.

True but this is a game changer level of a lie and its got no easy answer but I still fall on the side of I would want to know

Don’t tell and there’s a small chance he’ll have his fling, patch things up and they’ll not get the devastation. Threatening to tell, to encourage this may even help. Dobbing him in definitely won’t.

We dont know what will happen if he does or if he does not tell the wife but its not definite she will just go and tell the kids even if they do separate, which again is not definite.

Gonzy has it in the following order:
Option 4,6,2,3,1,7,5.

thanks for fixing it for me RM….
thats option 8 (do all of the above in your suggested order) 😆

Call your ex out on FB, stating shes a bitch for having an affair with a married man. The wife will see it if they’re FB friends and put 2 & 2 together, probably.

Don’t need to mention any names or actually tell the wife directly, let nature take it course.