If your bird was having a fling…….

Drop her, move on with your life, don’t look back.

So can you have a standard to judge others but not act on it ?

Least worst choice

Trimix – Member
Its interesting that people can pass judgement on a cheat and most have decided its wrong, but most think its OK to keep quite when you know someone is cheating.

So can you have a standard to judge others but not act on it ?

Exactly this. Telling the wife is the honest thing to do. Whether it breaks their marriage up or not is upto them. Depends how much they love each other I guess (sounds like not alot). All you’re doing is prolonging the inevitable.

Why make someone else unhappy?

Walk away.

She already is unhappy and who wants to live a lie?

Note on the windscreen perhaps?

Or wrapped round a brick and lobbed through the window? That would be subtle.

Having been there I’d say have zero contact with the ex at all, ever, not even a text. What is the point? What possible good can it do you except drag the pain on for longer.

I’d have beat the s”it out of the husband. Let him explain that to his wife. However, you texted him when you found out so I suggest that makes us different people. I’m sure that his wife already knows or suspects, but isn’t ready to confront him. Leave her be and save yourself any hassle.

Do whatever makes you feel better though. I pawned the rings and spent our joint account on booze and hookers. Was great, in a self-destruct kind of way.

Least worst choice

This.

By a massive margin.

Seems like they’ve got no respect for each other. They’re not going to respect you for letting them know that.

theres a good chance the wife knows about it already and has decided, for whatever reason, to.live with it.

Friends of ours had a daughter who was having an affair with a married man who was also her boss. Drove her dad nuts. Dad exposed the man to the wife but to no avail.

The wife called out her husband, he cried and said it would stop. It didn’t stop. He blamed the daughter saying she wouldn’t leave him alone (which may actually have been true too). A month later repeat the whole process and again, and again. Eventually the daughter moved away and as far as I know the man and wife are still man and wife.

Arrange a surprise dinner for the two of them at a restaurant.

Turn up, tell her what is happening while he is sat there.

Make sure you record it all and post it on youtube.

Become famous and loaded.

Simple, you do the bloke a favour by keeping quiet, he agrees to return that favour by buying you a shiny new bike. Everyone’s happy 😉

agent007 wins!

If you do more it will be because you want revenge, not because it’s the right thing. If you think his wife knows then she probably does and is either ignoring it or dealing with it in her own way – you bringing it into the open isn’t going to help her.

This times a million. You have no clue what’s going on in their marriage or in their heads. I am shocked by the number of people here pretending to play God and do the “right” thing. How the f do you know what the right thing for someone else’s life is? Keep your nose out and your morality to yourself.

BoardinBob seems to have a unique perspective on this that has been generally ignored.

If you were the party in the dark, would you want to know?

Or would you prefer to stumble along thinking everything is just peachy?

Is he called Bob and are the women called Rita and Sue?

Not as simple as that.

Perhaps the woman in question does know, but doesn’t say anything because she’s in a controlling relationship she can’t get out of. When the truth comes out she’ll get blamed, a month mental abuse and black eyes, and then business as usual.

Very negative scenario, but you just don’t know, stay away.

her fella has spent the last 2 years riding (bikes) 3 times a week with her and I think its a case of keeping your friends close and enemies closer.

OP – You are Norman Clegg and I claim my Five pounds….. 😉

The girlfriend and the married man…..

the wife ( I think she suspects something)……

Perhaps the woman in question does know, but doesn’t say anything because she’s in a controlling relationship she can’t get out of.

Or maybe she knows and says nothing knowing he’ll be back. Maybe it’s how they run their lives. Or a million other things.

Before you grass him up, walk a mile in his shoes.
Then, if it gets nasty, you’re a mile away, and you have his shoes.

I think that you should mind your own business. What right do you have to drop such a bombshell on others?

Live your life by you own moral code and leave others to do as theu think fit.

I doubt that anyone involved will thank you for sticking you nose in and you’ll just look like a spiteful knob head.

As Thumper’s mum said, “If you can’t say anything nice……….

I’d have beat the s”it out of the husband.

Not seeing as it’s the husband’s fault TBH. It’s your girlfriend’s responsibility to be faithful to you, not his.

Not seeing as it’s the husband’s fault TBH. It’s your girlfriend’s responsibility to be faithful to you, not his.

Hes married with kids, of course it’s his fault ! obviously it’s the cheating g/f’s fault too… but he’s certainly a major party of blame.

^^that

OP – you said they had kids. It is seriously bad karma to break up the marriage even if the guy is an idiot. The mess it might create, the turmoil for the kids, the anger. Kids are like drying cement… whatever drops on them leaves an impression.

Let the parents get on with it and let them be responsible for the dent in their kids, not you.

Leave well alone it’s not your place and if you think by playing the “hero” you’re going to get no backlash then you’re a fool!
A Woman scorned and a pissed off husband!

How do you know the wife doesn’t know already and is just bidding her time, gathering evidence to use for a divorce, then you’ve got an angry wife on your case as well.

Leave well alone

I’d also say people really shouldn’t judge either the husband or the wife, who honestly knows what goes on inside their four walls? They do. Maybe she is actually a psycho bitch from hell to live with and actually the only way to stay with his kids is to get some ‘love’ elsewhere. Books and covers, don’t judge. another reason to leave well alone. walk away Rene.

What right do you have to drop such a bombshell on others?

Well depends really, are you a deontologicist or a Utilitarian?

Kant will tell you that telling the truth is a moral imperative regardless of the outcome, indeed, if you don’t tell the wife and something bad happens subsequently because of her ignorance, morally some of the blame for that is yours…On the other hand the Utilitarian will say that your action should serve the greatest good, and sometimes if that is telling a lie, then so be it. The obvious problem for the Utilitarian is of course, who will be the arbiter for the “greater good” and how will you decide which is better…

If you were the party in the dark, would you want to know?

That was my take on it. If your mate knew your OH was cheating would you want them to tell you? If your mate’s OH was cheating would you tell them?

Just because it’s a stranger doesn’t mean they shouldn’t get to know some important info. Not that I’m 100% sure what I’d do in that situation.

But yeah intentions matter, if you’re only doing it to be vindictive probably don’t bother.

Messenger getting shot scenario is a consideration too.

Maybe she is actually a psycho bitch from hell to live with and actually the only way to stay with his kids is to get some ‘love’ elsewhere.

in a very unhealthy relationship like that is probably better off all round if it’s ended.

Kant will tell you that telling the truth is a moral imperative regardless of the outcome, indeed, if you don’t tell the wife and something bad happens subsequently because of her ignorance, morally some of the blame for that is yours…

Love it when a thread titled : “If you bird was having a fling…” ends up with a discourse on Kantianism.

What does Kant say about the personal responsibility for telling the truth if the wife then blows the husband’s face off with a shotgun?

Hes married with kids, of course it’s his fault ! obviously it’s the cheating g/f’s fault too… but he’s certainly a major party of blame.

It’s his fault for potentially breaking up his own marriage, sure. But for all we know though, the OP’s g/f could’ve lied about her existing relationship; could’ve told him they have an open relationship, for instance, or that they were in the process of breaking up.

In a relationship it’s the duty of both parties not to stray (unless it’s an agreed non-monogamous relationship). What the rest of the world does is irrelevant, if she cheats it’s her fault, end of.

^^ Philosophy aside, I’m with the chorus:

Run, shtum, and don’t look back. All the best with your newly acquired freedom from BS. Enjoy it 🙂

Whilst I can the OP’s moral dilema, unless they are prepared to get a load of crap from the husband and /or wife and accept that a family could be split up as a result of his informing.
However he has no moral responsibility to total strangers IMO.

It is ridiculous and a reflection of the human condition that when we are wronged by others, we also feel guilt in imparting truth to those who have wronged us.

Sometimes I wish we could just be more dog.

What does Kant say about the personal responsibility for telling the truth if the wife then blows the husband’s face off with a shotgun?

Read Kant’s Axe. He argues your concious is clear. Telling the truth is the moral imperative regardless of the outcome, so if you tell the wife and she decides to something bad, then you’re in the clear.

As above

1) no more contact with the GF – she isn’t going to change. Cut her off completely.

2) It isn’t your business to throw a grenade into a marriage which at some level works. If the wife was thinking about having kids, or was about to buy a house or business with the husband, then may be you would be doing her a favour. Lots/most marriages have infidelity in them, you get to hear about the ones that break up, not the ones who keep going. Sometimes infidelity being public knowledge in a wider circle, rather than private, forces a split.

Read Kant’s Axe. He argues your concious is clear. Telling the truth is the moral imperative regardless of the outcome, so if you tell the wife and she decides to something bad, then you’re in the clear.

It’s an interesting position to take, and somewhat conditional on where you slot into the sociopathy scale.

My understanding is that Kant died shortly after his wife asked for some advice on flattering evening wear. 🙂

😆

aye, life must be pretty straightforward if you can live it subscribing to Kant’s view…

not sure how long you’d last though

Putting yourself in her shoes, and saying that you’d want to know, is neat but flawed abstract.

You are not her. You don’t know who she is, what’s going in her life, what she sees as right and wrong.

You wanting to know says nothing about whether the wife does or should want to.

The question is, shall I blow him in to his missus?

Have you considered the fact that you’ve probably basically blew him off anyway, you may as well blow him off in front of to his Mrs too…