How to empathize?

The current mrs plum will be arriving tomorrow for a weekend visit with me

Shes fairly certain her job will end in 5 weeks
She realises her job skills are quite specific and earns a decent wage considering
She thinks finding a job paying enough money for her to live/pay mortgage/bills etc will be difficult. (it will)

Now I’m of the ‘get off your arse and sort it out persuasion’, she has had the best part of a year to get something in place if the shit hit the fan and done nothing, however, I understand this wont necessarily lead to a good conclusion for either of us

So could you help with some non trite suggestions that I may impart to get her spirits up and help her start looking for work

Many thanks

Plum

Obviously a blow job may depend on the outcome of this (her to me not me to you) 😀

I have nothing constructive to add, but there’s a Little Jack Horner gag in there waiting to get out.

“you’ll be alright luv, come and move in with me”

Fixed.

Even if she has caused her situation, focussing on that won’t help.

As you say, it’s only her that can change it – she has nothing to lose by trying.

How would she respond to the suggestion that you become her pimp?

The look would really suit you…

Maybe she wants to see the 5 weeks out then go biking round Europe for the summer?
Ask her.

How would she respond to the suggestion that you become her pimp?

This has been discussed 🙂

I didnt really read the rest, but Im sure I’d love to be described as “The current mrs plum” is that how you introduce her to everyone ?

As its sounds like it might be in the back of your mind why dont you make her the current-ex-mrs-plum and that will sort your problem.

Until obviously the next one is upset about something, but you could repeat plan as many times as possible.

Obviously a blow job may depend on the outcome of this (her to me not me to you)

As a compromise, what about her to me? 😀
Be constructive, get on the web with her and try to make suggestions etc. You can be firm if she starts to waver, but mostly just let her know that she’s not alone. Once that’s done, initiate rough sex on the sofa. 😀
I’ll be in here awaiting my payment.

Remove all the bookmarks from her web browser and replace them all with job sites. Leave the jobs sections of the paper out with random stuff scribbled round them in the margins and things circled in highlighter pen. As you walk past homeless people, point out how little time there is between your last pay cheque and the gutter

Is that the kind of thing you were thinking? Or is that what you’re already doing?

Come on it’s amazing what you can pull out when there’s a blow job at stake 😉

Sit her down in a corner and:
Priorities are 1 – what type of employment is in the area that suits her skills, 2 – are they advertising – 3 who is the top dog/team leader
Even if the answer to #2 is no then she should still speculate by contacting the person at #3, even if advertising (don’t refer to it but tailor the letter/email to suit) still do this as a top down CV pass works better.
Tell her he tits and ass look great – this is more likely to get you a job than her, which is still a win in my book..

I found shouting is the best way to emphasise my point… especially when talking to a silly girl.

I’m reliably informed that women want sympathy not advice.

Shes fairly certain her job will end in 5 weeks

Ask her to pick six random numbers between 1 and 49, and buy lots of lottery tickets

She realises her job skills are quite specific and earns a decent wage considering.

She works in a shop then,

She thinks finding a job paying enough money for her to live/pay mortgage/bills etc will be difficult. (it will)

so best to dump her then, you dont want her scroungeing or moving in full time with you do you.

get her pregnant

touch her until she say “For f*ck sake go on then!”

They always need people at Tesco…

take your knickers off then….

Thanks all for your comments so far

It’s clear that some/most of you are putting your experiences onto mine

I could have gone into the many issues that are involved but all I really needed to know was how to be supportive and that’s surely a good thing

I didnt really read the rest, but Im sure I’d love to be described as “The current mrs plum” is that how you introduce her to everyone ?

She commonly introduces me as the current mr Parkin and in totally fine with that. Please don’t judge my relationship by your own standards. If you could manage to stick to the point that would be most welcome

Thank you

Plum

If you could manage to stick to the point that would be most welcome

The current mrs plum will be arriving tomorrow for a weekend visit with me

Please don’t judge my relationship by your own standards. If you could manage to stick to the point that would be most welcome

I don’t think it’s something you’re going to learn in the next 24 hours. 😕

Start with just listening and not giving your opinion.

Parkin is such sweet sorrow.

Or something.

She commonly introduces me as the current mr Parkin and in totally fine with that. Please don’t judge my relationship by your own standards. If you could manage to stick to the point that would be most welcome

under the thumb then.

lol

So could you help with some non trite suggestions that I may impart to get her spirits up and help her start looking for work

I’ve got it… if she starts to whinge:

1) Ask if she’s got the decorators in.
2) Tell her to MTFU (obvious really).

HTH

watching the “women, know your limits !” sketches from harry enfield together should help her get the idea !?
Oh hang on your wanting advice on being a caring sharing modern man arnt you !!?? Hmmmm?
*always tilt your head slightly to the side when shes talking.
*try to suck your lips together and dip your eyebrows when she gets to the bad bits
*say “Poor you” alot and rub her arm
*have a bottle of her fav whine (no pun intended! )to hand and make sure she knows your drinking beer so you dont waste any !!
* keep a picture of her naked in your minds eye at all times just so you stay focused on the prize
*and remember its just like being 16 again . . . and youl be out with your mates again before you know it.
job done 😉

Listen, without judging, and show understanding of her predicament without putting your opinions onto her.
Don’t overflow with sympathy and ‘poor you’ blah blah blah.
Be supportive without being condeming.

Empathy is more how you are, rather than what you say.

She may have bought the situation on herself and you may think it is her fault, but put your thoughts to one side and try to see it from her point of view.

Im sure I’d love to be described as “The current mrs plum”

Wait your turn surroundedbyhills, he’s still married to the first mrs plum

If you really want to be supportive that’s really good. Though probably depends on how many issues/Mrs plums you have!!

OK in a similar situation here (well sort of)

Moved to Oz with the missus. I too was earning good money for a specific skill set which isn’t that widely understood in the area we are living.

Empathy requires you to understand one that Z’s are for the americans and how it feels…

To go from something good and rewarding to nothing is a shock.

It is very hard to find work of any kind – a perception is also that why would you employ someone over qualified as they will just p*ss off when something better comes along

If what you do is niche enough to know it then you know how many jobs there are in that industry.

Try and avoid being patronising…

Suggest that you could work on her CV together (MAYBE)
If you have a mate who is a manager somewhere they could take a look – not on HERE!!
Cook her a nice meal.

Be prepared not to talk about or force the issue

Is it long term? Do you want to commit to her? All tough issues with the job thing.

Research mortgage holidays and restructuring and other ways to finance going forward.

Listening is the first thing to do though, which means shutting up and not saying anything (in case STW didn’t understand that). Also you need to hear what she says not be counting down the clock or adding up the points to BJ. Carefully consider what she is saying before replying, also that brief pause may let her continue to talk and give you more to go on.

In short your mission for the weekend is to make her feel better not you. The upside is that if you feel better by making her feel better then you will feel good about yourself.

the current mrsconsequence, due the the nature of her work, is on 6 month contracts. very specialist set of skills, very experienced for her age. we’re constantly facing this situation…. pretty similar apart from the fact we’re already living together and pumping out a babyconsequence would ruin our ability to go for evening bike rides in the sun and smoke crack until dawn.

it’s all down to her really, she knows she’s accountable for her own choices and she’s got financial commitments… whenever she worries i just remind her she can sell photos of her feet or used underwear to perverts on ebay, that or work for bmw… they’re both as bad as each other.

used underwear to perverts on ebay

*plans fantastic Internet shop get rich quick scheme*

Just ditch her and get a fresh `un, its more fun and lifes all about fun………….innit !

You could try what Mrs mW said to me when I was made redundant which was long the lines of:

“If you can’t get a job you’ve trained to do then you’ll just have to work in B&Q until you find something better. You’re certainly not sitting around the house all day doing nothing.”

Whilst a little harsh I took it as it was better to be doing something than nothing which on the whole is good advice. You may need to word it a bit differently if she’s an over sensitive type or if your local B&Q isn’t hiring.