How to be less shy?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/1676698.stm

Chronic shyness really is something that needs to be treated properly through talking to professionals. The first place I would go is my GP and try and get them to take it seriously. Maybe see if they can get you refered to a CBT specialist.

Not (even remotley) a professional btw, but I work with people who are.

Maybe look into something like this

http://www.fearfighter.com/patient_website/index_patient.html

Being shy is not entirely an un-natural thing, but by putting yourself in situations where you have to “get on with it”, you soon come to realise that there wasn’t really anything to be afraid of in the first place, and if anything wonder why you were anxious or shy in the first place. Again, that’s my un-trained opinion.

HTH

I found that the best way to get over shyness is to stop giving a flying fridge what other people think of you

That’s what I was going to say.

Best achieved by becoming comfortable with yourself if possible – rather than just being misanthropic.

She likes real men.

Do I detect a hint of bitterness?

Blimey, this isn’t going to help… I start a topic and it’s turning into a fight. Best just keep my mouth shut.

Serious answer…

Sign up to doing something that means you cannot hide from participation.

When I was a teenager I was very shy for much of the time so I joined a drama class at school to make me HAVE to overcome the shyness. When I left college I took a summer job being a tour guide which helped further.

Now I am not shy, although I am not the best at walking up to someone in a crowded room. But when it comes to presenting to clients, talking to groups of students etc I have zero problems.

So perhaps you should join a drama club, a public speaking group or some night class where you will need to communicate with people? Or maybe stand for being a local councillor?

That’s a very good answer. Apart from the local councillor bit. Don’t do that. 😀

I know how you feel TSY. I’m also shy. I deal with it by just not meeting people.

I found that the best way to get over shyness is to stop giving a flying fridge what other people think of you

The problem with that is that the shyness precludes a person from being able to stop giving a flying ****. Something needs to be done to break the cycle.

“Fake it til you make it”

Once you realise that you can’t die of embarrasment, it all gets easier.

In my experience, there’s no such thing as natural confidence, you just get better at faking it with practice…

I deal with it by just not meeting people.

And being rude to them on the interwebs.

Balls, I think you are a charming and lovely man.

[rubs against leg]

I’m trying hard not to be rude to people – did you notice?

Even when they are rude to me.

I happened to like the local councillor bit most of all.
I reckon I could have Davie boys seat no problem.

I happened to like the local councillor bit most of all.
I reckon I could have Davie boys seat no problem.

Promise to build somewhere fun for me to ride my bike and I’ll vote for you!!

Deal… you not happy with the little pump track by Ducklington roundabout?

Back to the topic…

Is there a case for actually just not really enjoying being in large groups?

Or,

Could posting your inner monologue on here make you more self-concious when you meet people from here… out there?

(especially when Auntie know’s you’re trying to go un-noticed)

ah so serious then
Depends on the situation]Most people have some resevration about talking to groups or new people- i am not one of them unless it is formal and manners are required for I am uncooth an dknow I will fail the politemess test.

I think doin gthings ion your own and surving help. I have moved to towns when I did not knwo anyone set of to travel continents alone without any plans etc and you just become good at talking to folk you dont know.
I think realising that naturally [ like a forum] some folk will like you some wont – usually this feeling is mutual. So be yourself when meeting someone and eventually you will find folk who can accept you for what you are …start that process with yourself. we all have good and bad points like any human just accept this and life with it. Asking questions is a good way unless the other person is really shy. Open ones that dont require a yes /no answer
Personally i dont actually care much what folk think of me I am abit like marmite in the real world you will either like me or I will infuriate you
We are al ittle shy around folk we wantto impress and meeting people you have chatted to ont he internet is weird as you form a picture of them based on STW and many are nothing like their on line persona.

I can’t stand being in large groups of work colleagues or family members, but large crowds of mountain bikers are great!

Is there a case for actually just not really enjoying being in large groups?

I would say so yes. People behave differently in large groups.

But the question is – what’s wrong with being shy? Why is this something you’d change? (non rhetorical question)

large crowds of mountain bikers are great

See, whenever I ride in a big group I hardly say anything. When I ride with one other person I don’t shut up.

I’m trying hard not to be rude to people – did you notice?

Even when they are rude to me.

Ohh you mean like he was when he called you rude?

I see what you did there!! You were being not rude and pointing out how he was and you weren’t all in the one post and nstill not being rude! That was pretty clever, no really. Dammit! I sound like i don’t mean it and i do.

I wasn’t trying to be clever.. after all if someone calls you rude and you ARE rude then it’s not rude is it, simply factual 🙂

See, I don’t mind talking to new people, infact I quite enjoy it… hence the first date addiction I had going on for a while.

meeting people you have chatted to ont he internet is weird as you form a picture of them based on STW

I think that is my problem right there. Although Junky… everyone likes me 🙄

I wasn’t trying to be clever.. after all if someone calls you rude and you ARE rude then it’s not rude is it, simply factual

shuddup yertwat

Isn’t shyness just a consiquence of a lack of confidence and self belief??
Crack those two lttle nuggets and you’ll be flying..

Freak.

Hhahahaha

I’m trying hard not to be rude to people – did you notice?

Even when they are rude to me.
8)

Shy here too TSY.
Hate large groups and keep myself to myself in those situations. Especially hate new groups of people but seem to cope by just taking a deep breath and throwing myself straight in there if i have too. Became a triathlon coach with my local club, then taught swimming when i was at Uni, found that really helped me to put up a front of confidence but unside i was still shy.
It just takes time and confidence but i can still find new situations and meeting new people cringewothy.

whenever I ride in a big group I hardly say anything. When I ride with one other person I don’t shut up.

[crosses fingers ]are there enough of us a SITS for you to be painfully shy ? [/crosses fingers ]

I was cured by fancying someone so much I just went up to her in the street and asked her out. She said she was with someone, hence the engagement ring, but it wasn’t as bad as I expected – hence no shyness. The people you may be shy of, are just people, who may also be shy. Life’s too short.

Isn’t shyness just a consiquence of a lack of confidence and self belief??

No, it’s not.

@CM – chuckle 🙂

[crosses fingers ]are there enough of us a SITS for you to be painfully shy ? [/crosses fingers ]

I dunno, depends how nice you all are to me 🙂

The fake it til you make it statement comes from my own experience. I wished I could be confident, then I watched people who I wished I could be like and ‘acted’ like them… things like using a clear steady voice when speaking in a group, smiling and putting others at their ease helps and also admitting that you feel nervous/shy at a particular time can bring down tension as others who are feeling equally shy relax arouund you. Inside I’m often a jelly, but the outside can be a screen onto which I project my desired confidence.

Think of it like going for a gnarly bit of trail/drop. It’s never as bad as you thought it was going to be.

I’m pretty misanthropic – I distrust the motivations and sincerity of most people, particularly on first meeting. As a consequence, I’m really not that bothered what they think of me.

This is not necessarily a good thing, but I can’t help my cynicism; the lack of shyness is about the only benefit.

I am very confident indeed in my own abilities and qualities. So I realised that when I got nervous and shy and awkward I was putting myself in a situation that exceeded those abilities.

In other words, I was trying too hard. Trying to be funny and fit in with people who I didn’t really fit in with. Now I’m older and I’m massively fortunate to have Mrs Grips, I find I don’t worry so much about it. That and I never get out anyway 🙂

The loving partner issue is a big one for me. That and a few close friends.

I’m generally more shy when in one-to-one situations than big groups. Probably because in big groups there’s less chance of someone noticing when I say something stupid!

Problem is, I see even less reason to talk to people when I’m drunk

All women have breasts. They like being complimented on them. Well most of them. Ok, some of them do. Also, when they slap you most women use their right hands.
Alcohol helps. It emboldens you to start the conversation that you wouldn’t when you’re sober, and numbs the pain from the slap. After a while, it’s just not really that important. Sometimes you might want to stare at them for a while to see of you can work out whether they’re right or left handed, as being red on one side of your face isn’t a good look. Try to aim for the same colour all over. Or ask them to.
helllooo laydeez

*waves at lexiekay*

Where have you been?

Bloody hell this thread has grown quickly. It’s nice to hear a lot of people are the same, that I already do a lot of the things people mention and that I’m probably not that bad. I’m just not really that loud 🙂

Sounds like you just need good mates Yeti.

Oh and loud is over-rated.

IF this is a serious topic, I can tell you what NOT to do. I also used to be chronically shy (my treatment and medication for bipolar seems to have cured that), yet people that didn’t know me interpreted that as aloof and supercilious, tended to avoid me, and didn’t bother getting to know me (I was the life and soul of the party with friends!).

I guess the trick is to (sorry for the cliché) be ‘at one’ with yourself. You can’t expect others to like you if you don’t like yourself. I have now learnt to love myself (blisters to prove it, failing eyesight too), and I’ve now gone to the extreme of not actually giving a monkeys whether I’m liked by others and just getting on with it.

I guess practice makes perfect too, the more people you meet and interact with, the easier that becomes. I was quite reclusive once, and the mere thought of meeting someone new could bring on a panic attack.

Good luck.

Edited for grammer/spelling/intelligibility/sense

YTFU

*waves at lexiekay*

Where have you been?

waves back 🙂
just been around and about – scotland, lake district and wales… who needs work anyway!

I think to some extent you’ve got to work out if you are are shy or introverted first. I don’t think they’re necessarily the same thing.

Sounds like you just need good matesneed to move to a place equidistant from torms back garden swoopy playground and my playground… trying to get a word in over torms infectious posh laughter will be great practice in boosting your social confidence Yeti.

no offence torm but you do have a posh laugh 😉

IanMunro – very wise. I’d say introverted, I don’t have the issues it seems others have or have had. But if those who are chronicly shy are reading this, hopefully it is of use.

LK… part of that sounds fantastic, the other part terrifying… hope everything is ok?