Girlfriend Problems

Having an active sex life is an important part of any relationship, its a natural part of being close feeling loved and desired, having a sexless relationship can be miserable and lonley and should not be dismissed or nor should you be for having the lack of sex being an issue, this us just going to manifest and it sounds like its driving a wedge between you and cannot be ignored. I’d really do some soul searching and ask myself if she means more to me without regular sex or I need more out of the relationship than she’s able to give. I think once you know the answer to that then you will know what to do.

anothergit – Member
It’s been 3 times in the 8 months since he was born and probably twice during the pregnancy so 5 times in 17 odd months
Whoah – that’s a glut from where I’m sitting.

sorry mate brummie here… whats a glut? not a good thing from the context.

The downside though is that the bedroom action has not been what I’d call regular, even from the start.

Here is your problem!

Ok. Before you do anything, the question you need to ask yourself is, am I good in the sack? (can you make her orgasm the majority of time and does she scream the house down?) If the answer is no, then maybe that is something you need to look at.

On the other hand if the sex was rubbish to start with and she just isn’t into it, then move on. 13 weeks? Jesus! I would have left after week two!

Yes, I’ve experienced that kind of post war misogynism and the concept of ‘conjugal rights’ before.

Feeling so rejected and lonely that the only options you can see are to get out (one way or another) is misogynistic? You have no idea what you’re talking about – though thanks for the attempt to cheer me up.

Having an active sex life is an important part of any relationship

Is it? Why? Because you require sex to make your relationship feel whole, it doesn’t mean that every other person on the planet feels the same way.

The wonderful thing about people is that we all like, want and need different things in life.

I’m talking about the attitudes expressed in the article which you seem to admire; the whole business about women shouldn’t expect to have any say in the whole thing…

This appears to be less about relationships and rather more about what men want; the two are not the same…

Give her the 15min orgasm treatment as described in the 4 hour body book… It works (I know…)

…and the whole ‘sex is so important’ thing… hope your other halves never ever become unable to have sex, or you’ll be packing their bags, right?

I’m talking about the attitudes expressed in the article which you seem to admire; the whole business about women shouldn’t expect to have any say in the whole thing…

Try rereading it – it suggests women have lots of say in the matter, but the choices they make affect the outcome they get. We’re talking realism here.

hope your other halves never ever become unable to have sex, or you’ll be packing their bags, right?

Which is a completely different situation to you partner rejecting you. It seems you’re the one looking at sex from the more basic perspective…

Have any experience in these matters, or just being a keyboard warrior?

…and the whole ‘sex is so important’ thing… hope your other halves never ever become unable to have sex, or you’ll be packing their bags, right?

Diametric opposite of the OP.

OP isn’t dealing with what might be.
They are dealing with what is.

anothergit – that article is saying women should compromise everything to keep their men and absolves men of all need to compromise or modify their behaviour in any way.

I believe in a partnership of equals.

Meanwhile in a parallel thread on Mumsnet….

“Help. I want need a baby but my partner doesn’t. I’ve tried talking about it but every time I do he just clams up. Is it time to move on or should I give up my wants needs for the sake of our relationship?”

Have any experience in these matters

Do I need to show my love CV to comment?

it suggests women have lots of say in the matter, but the choices they make affect the outcome they get. We’re talking realism here.

Try this instead;

it should suggest people have lots of say in the matter, but the choices they make affect the outcome they get. We’re talking about equality, not some odd old fashioned patriarchal idealism here.

If she’s holding out on you, why dont you try holding out on her? Seems like a simple enough method to see if she ever wants any…. Might encourage her a bit, or calm you down.

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amazed

If she’s holding out on you, why dont you try holding out on her?

Tried that for a while but the result was even less sex than before (in other words – zero, nothing). Basically it seems that unless I make the first move then it’s never going to happen. Even if I do make the first move these days then there’s only a very slim chance of success. So I tend not to bother as much anymore.

the question you need to ask yourself is, am I good in the sack?

Yes always very good . . . errrrrr . . . or well I used to think I was until we got together. Trouble is the feedback from her is pretty minimal. Very quick to tell you what she does not like but not willing to say what she does like in return. Pretty difficult to remain good in the sack in this situation. Feel like Stevie Wonder trying his best to replicate the Mona Lisa.

Anyway thanks for the great advice all. Decision is made and unless something very drastic happens between now and the time I get to talk to her then it’s time to move on I think. Already spent far too much time and effort trying to make this work but without any success.

At the end of the day if she’s not willing to work at it too then it’s pointless. If she continues to see it as ‘my problem’ rather than as ‘our problem’ then it’s dead in the water really.

OP don’t take this the wrong way but are you a good lover?

We’ve all had girls that can orgasm massively very quickly. Others take a lot of oral stimulation as penetrative sex does nothing for them- I.e no real feeling.

We all like to think we are sexual Tyrannosaurus’s but its listening, adapting and patience that works for some ladies.

Try giving her a lot of oral pleasure- say it doesn’t have to lead to sex. I bet she’d want to do it more.

Dude if you do not use it, it will get smaller and may cease to function all together.

Find a woman that enjoys your loving or buy a fleshlight an mp3 and some beer 😉

Sex tips from hora. I’ve not even had me tea yet, and now I have to eat it with the thought of his sweaty face betwixt someone’s thighs.

Thank you STW, thanks a lot.

Sex tips from hora.

I was going to suggest he could have his own thread entitled that, and it should be made a sticky….

Xvideos FTW!!!!!!! 😯

Sticky sex tips from hora?

it should be made a sticky….

😆

troubleandstrife – tell her that for men a sexual need is an emotional need not just physical. Many women (and men) don’t realise this – it can make a huge difference if she learns this.

All the best – oh btw, if things don’t change please don’t marry her or have children.

if she learns this.

Jesus wept… Yes, make sure you teach her real good…

IT’S THE SAME FOR EVERYBODY, BOY OR GIRL, YOU MUPPETS!

To be fair on Hora, he’s probably not all that far off the mark….

He was well off the mark here:

hora – Member
We’ve all had girls that can orgasm massively very quickly.

I think a lot of people are missing something.

Sex is important in a relationship. Not because you get off, you can manage that on your own; but because of the intimacy. Without intimacy, what you’ve got there is a flatmate.

Yeh but come on, I wouldn’t be impressed if I woke up with his beady eyes staring up from my vegetable patch…

Nom nom nom nom 😆

He was well off the mark here:

Some take a lot less work that others that’s for sure. Some are screamers, some are quiet.

I’ve tried Hora’s technique of listening, being patient, offering my ‘services’ , I don’t get angry never raise my voice or argue about it and talk sensitively about the subject, but it’s made no difference. sorry for threadjack.

is it about time this thread was put to bed?

Sex is important in a relationship. Not because you get off, you can manage that on your own; but because of the intimacy.

You’re making the same mistake as previously.

I appreciate that in boyworld intimacy = sex, but in the real world this is not always the case. Sex is not as important as you seem to think, which is why relationships can continue long after sex is no longer an issue, which is why relationships where people cannot or can no longer have sex can be successful.

Tj, I concur.

Thread reported for being over-long.

TandemJeremy – Member
is it about time this thread was put to bed?

Post reported for god awful pun. 😉

A girl needs to feel comfortable, flattered, unpressured and woo’d.

Us blokes think ‘buy some wine, get her razzed’ as we are always up for it/we are like hotwater on demand from a combi boiler.

When a girl feels unpressured, relaxed and no issues she’ll want it. if you argue over lack of sex it becomes a cycle/elephant in the room. Kiss, cuddle THEN stop yourself. A few of these and she’ll be in the mood. Argue a lot in general and sex will be the last thing on her mind.

Saying all this you could simply keep your partner locked in the cellar and tell her the world is flat and the air poisonous outside 😀

At the end of the day if she’s not willing to work at it too then it’s pointless. If she continues to see it as ‘my problem’ rather than as ‘our problem’ then it’s dead in the water really.

Yep, that appears to be the crux of the matter. Maybe don’t put it as her not being willing to work at it though – if she doesn’t want sex at all then she has compromised her feelings significantly for your benefit. She obviously just couldn’t carry on like that, as you can’t. If everything else is great, then I hope you can remain good friends as it would be a shame to lose her completely.

hora – Member

If I met someone as highly sexed as me I wouldn’t have time to type

How much do those filthy dating sites cost? If we had a whip round I reckon we could sort him out…