Farting

Does it ever stop being funny?

I do hope not!

sharting is no laughing matter

No, my mum and dad were farting and laughing about it well into old age.

It’s the one thing I truly miss being able to do as a result of my ileostomy.

I hate anyone that still has the ability…

My 8 year old lad took out a 5th Dan Sensei at karate tonight with an outdoor strength egg-bomb. It was truly disgusting.

I wake up every morning, get up, walk into the bathroom, then pass wind like somebody slowly tearing a heavy velvet curtain inside a shipping container. While sniggering away to myself.

It’s usually the best part of the day 🙂

My daughter farts like an Israeli Paratrooper.

Mrs. S let one rip last night and it’s a wonder we weren’t surrounded by Vikings, it was hilarious and I was still chuckling as I fell asleep

My daughter farts like an Israeli Paratrooper.

Are they particularly renowned for it?

I ride up to my grandson’s school every Monday afternoon and we ride the 2.8 miles back to our house. His dad drops his bike off in the morning and it is mostly downhill. He’s only 6 and I noticed he has to stop pedalling and stand up to fart.
I explained that as a long time fixed wheel rider the absolute pinnacle of cycling skill is to fart while pedalling.
We both practised a bit and giggled the rest of the way home.

Since I gave up smoking and switched to vaping, every time I change juices, my farts go into meltdown mode!

It’s brilliant.

I once lay in a hospital bed in the middle of the night, across the ward from a chap who the previous day had eaten his first solid meal in a month.

I have never, ever, before or since, heard such massive, earth-trembling and downright awe inspiring arse trumpets.

I was really, really laughing. Unfortunately I’d just had a hernia op, so laughing really, really hurt 🙁

I work with an ex Israeli paratrooper. I’ve never heard him fart. Maybe he’s lost the skill.

Protein powders are especially productive for me

i had a chick pea curry for lunch. I’m vesuvius level now.

I was once berated my MrsIHN for ‘always farting’ after I trumped in the kitchen whilst she was cooking;

“Sorry dear, you’re right. Anyway, what’s for dinner?”

“Egg and lentil curry”

Not in my experience (53) 🙂

CFH can you start a Ski thread, I’ve something to post

Since I gave up smoking and switched to vaping, every time I change juices, my farts go into meltdown mode!

Just where are you sticking the vaporiser? I fear you have been misled as to their proper useage… 😆 picture that though; grade 1, cloud chasing arse eruptions. Now that WOULD be entertaining…

Farting. Does it ever stop being funny?

Stupidest question ever.

😀

*parp*

I remember once staying in a youth hostel and the bunk room had about 20 beds, all full of men from various countries. After lights out someone farted, some giggled and then someone else farted and a few more laughed. Farts cross international language barriers!

Interesting fact: the human rectum is equipped with nerves that allow the brain to know the difference between solid, liquid and gaseous contents.

Usually.

Farts cross international language barriers!

Altogether now…!

I’d like to teach the world to farting
In perfect harmony…..

Nothing funnier than a dog being surprised by it’s own fart. Comedy gold.

My, nearly 2 year old daughter has a nasty cough a little while ago, that and coupled with being blessed with her father genes she has now earned the nick name – Alice Von Coffenfart.

The coughs don’t hide it, they just make it funnier

I was astounded at work recently because someone farted at the urinals and another person accused them of being disgusting!! If you cant fart in the toilet where can you fart. I, on the other hand, was chuckling to myself as it was quite a resounding raspberry 😀

My dog farting is NOT funny.

Everyone loves a fart joke.
My party trick BITD was lighting my farts… I remember being away on holiday with friends and at the last minute a newcomer who was “Very Reserved” had joined the group – during reminiscing about younger days I was reminded of said trick. The look of disgust on this girls face meant I just had to bring back the glory days… cue sometime later that night I grabbed a lighter – even PoFace was pissing herself laughing…

Sometimes, my guts are just wrong at the moment – and have been for months now, I let out these tiny, tiny little flufs (not big enough to be a fart) and they’re appaling and NEVER go away, I walked into my office this morning and gagged on yesterdays efforts…

My office-mate has been off sick for 6 week (unrelated I hope) but we be back soon, I feel bad for her already – my only hope is that it either stops, or her virus carries on for a few more weeks because she only works term time.

My nana used to serve cabbage & barley ,with leeks and cottage cheese cauliflower for Sunday dinners!
It wasn’t funny. Vesuvius level +100.

The only thing funnier than a dog surprised by it’s own farts is a small baby farting. Starts off with terror, moves to surprise, then enjoyment, then they start learning how to force them out…….

Then they shit themselves and you give them back to the nappy monitor/parent.

I can recall when yinn jnr was about 8months old. He was in his room in the cot, we had the baby monitor on in the next room.
You could hear him grunting, moaning and generally being unsettled. Then he let this nappy ripper go, making the wonderful muffled nappy fart sound and then Im sure we heard a sigh of contentment. Needless to say we couldn’t stop laughing for quite a bit.

Yesterday marked my 11th wedding anniversary with my wife. For the first three years she has a small “rhoid” which meant any farts came out as a ppppppffffffffffffffffffft – the same sort of noise you get when a bus pulls up at the lights.
This all changed when she decided to have said “rhoid” removed. The surgeon was some sort of evil genius and created the perfect ” balloon knot” for ripper farts. Christ, three rooms away and I can hear her crack off rounds like Petrol strimmer with a broken exhaust.
I’m sure this person could make a fortune creating surgically enhanced loops.

^^^^ Excellent 😆 😆

My wife let a horrendous one go in a slow, tiny lift in a hotel in Florence some years ago. She later confessed to holding it in especially for the lift, all the way back from the restaurant – a 30 minute walk.

My 15yr old daughter likes to share hers in the car during the school run – she calls them ‘morning puffs’

They are not pleasant 😯

Yesterday marked my 11th wedding anniversary with my wife. For the first three years she has a small “rhoid” which meant any farts came out as a ppppppffffffffffffffffffft – the same sort of noise you get when a bus pulls up at the lights.
This all changed when she decided to have said “rhoid” removed. The surgeon was some sort of evil genius and created the perfect ” balloon knot” for ripper farts. Christ, three rooms away and I can hear her crack off rounds like Petrol strimmer with a broken exhaust.
I’m sure this person could make a fortune creating surgically enhanced loops.

Is your wife a member on here? She may be open-minded when it comes to trumping, but I’m not sure she’d appreciate you discussing the details of her coit on a forum(?)

I was astounded at work recently because someone farted at the urinals and another person accused them of being disgusting!! If you cant fart in the toilet where can you fart. I, on the other hand, was chuckling to myself as it was quite a resounding raspberry

I had a similar discussion a few years back – one person in the group was unsure about whether it was OK to fart whilst stood at a urinal.

Said person earned my opprobrium.

I let one go this morning which was a proper rasper and my workmate commented “a bit more choke and that would have started”

Just think, every day someone unknowingly does the loudest/longest/smelliest fart in the world for that day.