I haven't been able to fart…

…with confidence for over a week now.

What kind of lurgie have I got? My diet is unchanged, I wash fastidiously as I prepare the food for everyone else and the rest of the family seem to be able to fart with wild abandon and no consequences.

Am I somehow reinfecting myself with something my immune system should have managed to clear away by now? It’s not a case of the raging shitz, I’m not dehydrated, and I dont have any cramps, I’ve just been featuring at the bottom end of the Bristol chart for a long time now.

I’m going to have to plug myself with Immodium before a trip to London tomorrow though.

MTFU or its just nature announcing that it will wreak havoc on your aging body

Shart with pride.

Maybe it’s just a confidence issue, the body can’t do it if the mind doesn’t have belief.

Agree with Pondo.

You need to believe in your poop.

You just have a “sensitive” arse.

In much the same way that Tena ladypants are for “sensitive” bladders.

I’m going to have to plug myself with Immodium before a trip to London tomorrow

I think you’re not supposed to try and use it as a suppository?

Stay classy Stoner 😆

As an atheist my belief in anything has always been a challenge.

However, were it not for the fact that I have a sphincter like a G7 summit (a ring of steel keeping the shit on the inside), I’d be sporting some fine go-faster stripes down my trouser legs by now.

Have you considered that it is Cat AIDS and you will definitely die?

well, I’ve not been feline myself of late.

This whole thread was an excuse for you to use that line, wasn’t it.

This whole thread was an excuse for you to use that line, wasn’t it.

He’d be lion if he said no.

I’m sure there is a purrfectly good reason for your condition.

*paws for applause*

Stop being such a pus(Stop it. MODS)

Stop being successful a pus(Stop it. MODS)

Predictive text claims another victim…

🙄

The chap in the cubicle next to me this morning in the office lav sat down and immediately started to unleash some astounding arse-pyrotechnics.

It all started out rather high pitched, like a muted trumpet. If you imagine the sound of Louis Armstrong warming up then you get the general gist. I had to bite the back of my hand to stifle the inevitable giggles.

For a few moments, there was a pregnant pause before Le Petomaine next door suddenly went all Wagnerian with bassy, bombastic bum blasts. The first five notes of “Ride of the Valkyries” was recognisable, at this point I had tears streaming down my face. I fully expected a buxom Teuton to burst into the gents and start wailing away.

I guess that’s the most unique performance of the Ring Cycle I’ve ever heard.

Stoner, was that you in a lav cubicle at 09:57 in an office near Waterloo today?

I guess that’s the most unique performance of the Ring Cycle I’ve ever heard

Götterdämmerdung?

Götterdämmerdung?

A bit Thor thertainly.

bassy, bombastic bum blasts

I prefer their earlier work.

Frickan hell, wot an affliction!

Götterdämmerdung?

A bit Thor thertainly.

Stop it, my sides hurt.

Frickan

encore!

It’s all down to hoop control. Practice over the thunder closet. Then move to the bath/shower. Progress to some gruts you don’t mind losing to the inevitable squitter you weren’t quite ready for.

Bonus..

Shits and giggles…

Top thread

Like any skill, it’s about practice. Get yourself into trap-1 and give it a go. Train in the office first of course before bringing your A-game back home to impress the family.

Top work pjm1974

I am having problems the other way,i imagine my ring piece looks like Mick Jaggers lips blowing in a force 10,when i’m boffing

s like Mick Jaggers lips blowing in a force 10,when i’m boffing

Boffing.

Unless you did mean what it means.

I am having problems the other way,i imagine my ring piece looks like Mick Jaggers lips blowing in a force 10,when i’m boffing

I read that three times before I remembered that “boff” is also another word for “fart.”

Thanks PJM1974 i really needed that 😆

Boffing is not a fart where I come from….

yep, a boff was a fart when i was a kid

where I come from….

Fnaar, fnaar.

Chocolate soda stream

Any follow through up, sorry, up on this story re: today’s train journey?

I genuinely appreciated this musical styling:

Stoner, was that you in a lav cubicle at 09:57 in an office near Waterloo today

But the poor guy in the cubicle next to me in the local who said, “Please, please” through his clenched teeth takes the biscuit imho.