[Closed] Athlete life.... 🙁

If you’re not enjoying it, don’t do it.

I actively retired when the stress of training wasn't worth the rewards.

You've been wrangling with this for a while now, and I think you'll need to decide one way or the other soon. My personal advice would be to find something you can improve at , and is less time consuming i.e. running

Yes I can relate. Sorry but this happens to everyone who's in serious training for something. You have setbacks, you have bad days, you have bad weeks! You just have to knuckle down and get on with it. I don't always enjoy my training but I always enjoy the end result.

I work away from home and each of my last three leave cycles I've came home and my wee boy has given me a cold he's caught from nursery. Prior to that something similar happened then I got over eager, threw myself in to training 3 times a day and pulled my hamstring. Not happy.

Bit more background from me - I was a good enough runner to have a couple of england vests, and a box full of england, south of england medals etc. But to get to that level and hold it is a lot of work, and I didn't want to just drift down to being a good veteran etc... ergo I retired and went back to climbing, and spending time with the kids etc. Now they're getting older, and I'm getting more time for climbing, but the stresses have gone.
Also, when I stopped running seriously, I kept running, but just doing the bits I enjoyed. So my timed performances completely fell to pieces, but if it was a sunny day and I want to go for a nice run, that's ok, and I run most mornings as it's nice to do something before work, but the stress is gone

Hey mate. You know I'm here to chat when you're ready.
You remember how I burnt out? How after years of training and racing, my mind and body said no more? It was phrased in the same way as you're describing; exhaustion, injury, resentment...
You remember how it took a few years to come to terms with it? But you know how happy I am these days doing bikepacking, clubruns, interesting mtb rides and even the occasional race.
It was a MASSIVE process. My whole identity was tied up in racing. It took so long to work through it all.
If I can help shorten that process for you then I'd be so happy to help do that.

Give it up; re-discover the pleasure of biking for it's own sake, enjoying the scenery and nature around you.
Spend more time with family.

I ride or run every single day now. I love bikes and exercise more than ever. With no pressure to perform or numbers to chase, I just seek out whatever floats my boat at the time. The last two weeks I've been out with the C group on the clubrun because I wanted to just cruise on a road bike. The week prior I did the A group because I wanted a smash fest.
So far this year I've ridden canals, bivied in bushes during storm Eunice, bikepacked the YD300 in February! There's a whole world of adventures out there. Racing round in circles now seems rather small and pointless to me. However I will be doing the Builth Wells marathon because that's point to point and fantastic.
You always loved a clubrun. You took pride in being strong and fast. That is enough you know?
Remember the feeling of riding round Swinley, chatting away? No targets or goals apart from having a good time.

Have a look at an alternative calendar. Check out Audax UK. You're good over longer distances. Also look at touring. Doesn't have to be sleeping in a hedge. The majority of touring cyclists use hotels. Imagine how amazing it'd feel to break new barriers in the distances you've achieved? Just you and the road.

I've just posted in the YouTube thread about a guy called Mark Lewis. His target is to be above average, at the moment he's throwing himself into a serious attempt at an event, he's very good at explaining his outlook and I think it's relatable to how you are feeling about stuff just now. He's quite amusing too so an easy watch and just might help with the direction you might want to take.

https://youtube.com/c/MarkLewisfitness

Could be worse. You could have lost every ounce of fitness you once had, and put on far too many kilos! I can no longer even do a chin-up, and some of what I wore up until two and a half years ago is just a memory.

Am I the only [ non racing mtb] person reading this and thinking WTF, just get out and ride your bike if you want to, don't if you don't.

Fair enough I'm just a punter, not a honed athlete.... 🤔🙄

Try a different challenge. Long distance ITTs are all the rage now and much easier to train for. Because noone cares except you. As long as you complete the ride you win.

I'll do one with you if you like 🙂

I used to Time Trial alot - managed it until late 20's when married life/house etc then kids came along.

I don't race anymore, and have had some really bad injuries from cycle commuting, so I'm selective what I do now. Loving it. I still don't pootle, MTB or road I'll ride as hard as I can. It has to fit in to life, but going off for the day racing etc, erm no. I always prefer to ride from home, and I can do that on road or MTB.

Am I the only [ non racing mtb] person reading this and thinking WTF, just get out and ride your bike if you want to, don’t if you don’t.

It's a bit more complicated than that. If you've based your whole life around something and given it everything, you e set yourself a challenge and your need to succeed is a huge part of your identity. It's very hard to just walk a way, and the desire you had doesn't just go away either.

@Saxonrider I can barely do a chin up either.

Am I the only [ non racing mtb] person reading this and thinking WTF, just get out and ride your bike if you want to, don’t if you don’t.

Fair enough I’m just a punter, not a honed athlete…. 🤔🙄

+1

I don't know how ANYONE does it. Not the training and the hardship, that's completely understandable. It's the avoidable of colds I don't understand.

This time of year has been a write off for me since child one came along. Cold after cold and then usually at least one chest infection. This year Covid joined the party. 👍😎

Genuinely no idea how anyone in the real world stays viral illness free long enough to stay fit.

I doff my hat to you for sticking it out this far.

It’s a bit more complicated than that. If you’ve based your whole life around something

But he hasn't. I seem to recall 7 years ago the most important thing in Kryton's life was which shades to buy to go with his latest rep- mobile. Dont get me wrong, I think it's great that he races (raced?) but perhaps it's a push to say that he's based his whole life around it,?

and given it everything, you e set yourself a challenge and your need to succeed is a huge part of your identity. It’s very hard to just walk a way, and the desire you had doesn’t just go away either.

Nobody's saying he shouldn't set challenges and achieve them. I totally get that it's his identity. I also get that it doesn't go away. But there's loads of other options.

I used to climb fanatically ( but in a very mediocre way) I onsighted f7a at my "peak" which is complete middle of the road puntersville. I couldn't train much so focussed on trying to do 100 routes in a day.
Then I tried kayaking and set a goal of being able to paddle grade 4 comfortably.

Then decided to do 300 miles in a day.
West highland way.
Ski Broad Gully
Cuillin ridge
Etc

All these are pretty low level challenges, compared to people who are really into that shit, but they did the job for me. They were worthwhile challenges based on where i was at the time.
I completely define myself by physical activity, so I fully appreciate how awful it would be not to do that.

But he's not at that stage.

Just find a different challenge...

Why dont you take a year out and just ride for fun when you like and after a year see how you feel.I raced MTB for 10 years then a few years at cyclocross which is a shorter season going back a while as in 1996 when the masters came in I did 35 MTB races and 4 cross races that year and had good results which made the training worth while for years now I ride for fun ride more than ever not so good on the wallet have way more bikes than when I raced I know ex-racers that once they stopped racing never rode again which I thought was odd but talking to them later they only cycled to race not for fun takes all sorts.

Why dont you take a year out and just ride for fun when you like and after a year see how you feel.

That's exactly what I was going to suggest.

My uncle is a serious cyclist, not so much racing for many a year, but loads of rides and big miles. Occasionally he just gets fed up with it and largely sacks it off for 12 months.

But he hasn’t. I seem to recall 7 years ago the most important thing in Kryton’s life was which shades to buy to go with his latest rep- mobile. Dont get me wrong, I think it’s great that he races (raced?) but perhaps it’s a push to say that he’s based his whole life around it,?

Thankfully those days are over. I am 4 years into it though. Stopping feels like giving up, succumbing the inevitable weight gain and generally a failure. Annoyingly I had a very good year last year, so to having the last three months sabotaged to 90% of power and +2KGs which seems impossible to lose feels horrible.

Anyway, thanks for all the advice. RD I may give you a call in the week. YoKaiser I watched the latest Mark Lewis vid - yes its very good, and its reminded me that a) at least a positive attitude about this weekend is needed and b) his Zwift race that to forget the leaders and do my thing. Affecting this is the fact after COVID I have a relenting fatigue post illness which goes up and down daily - yesterday I was bouncing, today I felt like I haven't slept for days. Plus, last year I quit this event because it was the last of my year and I was exhausted - I really don't want to fail it this time.

So there you go, there's my revised target - to go, finish the event and forget the placing. Rather than throw toys out the pram tonight, I'll get it done and get some more relaxed thinking about the future on our Easter Break with the family in a weeks time and see if I need some time out.

lots of good advice above. Being blunt - are you actually any good? I mean really? Is it your living, because it's become what defines you and if that's all to be a bit higher up the mid pack, albeit of a decent standard race class, sounds to me like it's no longer worth it if you don't enjoy it.

You could still race, and still be mid pack - or better - of the class below, or the one below that, without giving your life up for it. That's not the same as pot hunting, don't drop straight to fun and clean up obvs. But you'll get all the adrenaline still, and while you might sometimes think 'I could be a class higher if only I trained more....' I'd probably wager you'll be holistically a lot fitter than you are now.

Do it, for a year/season. See if you really miss it or actually enjoy it more? Because if you ain't winning, and aren't earning a living from it, then the biggest prizes go to the people with the biggest grins.

Oh, and losing that last 2kg..... absolutely. If only I could shift the first 2 and then the in between 11 I'd be with you. But I've just got my kit out for a quick trundle tomorrow on the gravel bike, and already the grin's on my face in anticipation. Who's the winner now!

@Saxonrider I can barely do a chin up either.

According to the other thread I'm one of the heavier STWers, (13kg above my old XC race weight) but can still do chin ups!

🙂

I got enough shoot from the boss getting injured riding to work, never mind racing....and we promote 'active travel'.

Depends upon what your career is. I ended up driving a mate to work for two months after he smashed his leg in Judo. Our employer had no sympathy (this was before my urrent role).

My choice was 'I've got work on Monday'.. as regards racing the bike went.

Been where you are Kryton - injuries & all.

Before my knee went I was racing well. Top 10’s at events were common place. Post injury I tried to get back to where I was & it was HARD. Even harder we’re the days like you described & the feeling that I couldn’t be arsed. If I wasn’t fast anymore what was the point?

Anyway long story short; after reading that endurance racing was harder than I remembered I switched to local & shorter xc events. Combined with stuff on a team I’ve fallen back in love.

Point being you do need time away from the bike (?!) to Stefan charity & motivation. Particularly when you’re just doing it doing it for the love of..

Being blunt – are you actually any good? I mean really? Is it your living, because it’s become what defines you and if that’s all to be a bit higher up the mid pack, albeit of a decent standard race class, sounds to me like it’s no longer worth it if you don’t enjoy it.

As harsh as it sounds, this. Unless you are being paid to do it, you’re not an athlete, what place you come doesn’t define how much food you can put on the table or pay the mortgage.

I am a racer, and have done so to a reasonable level & had some half decent results over the years, but I am under no illusion that literally no-one beyond my riding group who also race or riding friends knows, or cares whether you won the race, podiumed or whatever. And even if they did, it’s forgotten in 48 hours.

Riding bikes is meant to be fun. If you want to be semi serious and train to do the best you can, then great - just take a step back and do a reality check. None of us here are racing world cups.

I stopped racing a couple of years ago (not through choice). One of the most useful parts of the process for me was to sit and write down the things I enjoyed about training/racing - it's helped me to figure out what parts of that process were important to me so I've been able to work at keeping them in some way.

No saying that you should necessarily quit, but a reckoning of what aspects of the lifestyle you like might help bring a bit of perspective.

Who is telling you what to eat and when to ride?

If you just eat what you feel like and ride when/how you want to will you go that much slower?

I fenced competitively.

I gave it up and mountain bike instead.

Sunday up early, 3h in the car, sit about waiting.... FIGHT more waiting...FIGHT!... Either win or get kicked out of the completion Fight and then I'd always lose. Fencing is direct elimination so I was top 25% and I'd either get a massive kicking as my last fight or lose via something stupid. 3h back in the showers seething and angry....

All that was for 30min max of actual fun fighting time.

I almost moved to Hungary to train. There is a lot more fencing over there and I thought it would be good to see just how good I could get if I put everything into it. In the end I decided that my life would be better with more balance.

So now I ride bike with my mates. There's a lot more chat and laughs and it's never been a serious thing for me.

Sounds like you need the non serious fun bit of biking and less of the seething anger required to get to the next level of competition.

Being an athlete and going to competitions is a major commitment. Quite apart from the training and the lifestyle you have to follow which would be hard enough for someone with a job family, etc, you have to do it all on someone else's schedule ie, the competition organisers.

I'm someone who really struggles if I don't have a specific goal to train for and for years now I feel like I've been in the wilderness. I used to compete at an international level in karate and my entire life revolved around preparing for competitions. Since I stopped my fitness and athleticism has seen a steady decline to the point that even just getting out on the bike isn't fun as I struggle to get up the hills and then feel knackered and weak on the way down.

Even just getting out and enjoying the ride wasn't really an option anymore.

However, about six months ago I came across the term 'hybrid athlete'. I started lifting weights again and was enjoying seeing the numbers going up. Then I came across Fergus Crawley and his 600:60 challenge.

https://barbend.com/hybrid-athlete-fergus-crawley-600-sixty-challenge/

This was the lightbulb moment for me and now I have a very specific goal in mind that even has a catchy title. I'm aiming to do a 500:500 before I turn 50 (I'm 40 at the moment). That's a 500kg powerlifting total and a 500km ride within a 24 hour period.

This summer I'm planning on the first stage which will be a 250:250 so we'll see how it goes.

This has been a game changer for me. I've got a specific (some would say barely achievable) goal that I can aim for but it's entirely on my own schedule. If I had to do this on a competition organiser's schedule I don't think it would be possible.

I discovered that what I enjoyed about elite level competition was the process that went into it. If I think about it, I didn't even really enjoy the actual competitions themselves (although the trophies were nice).

after COVID I have a relenting fatigue post illness which goes up and down daily – yesterday I was bouncing, today I felt like I haven’t slept for days.

Kryton you seriously need to be careful. Carry on like this bouncing from high to low, and you have a real risk of developing ME/CfS. We talked a bit about this before as I’ve sat through hours and hours of NHS Long Covid courses. You might be good to back off for a bit and have a break for you long term physical, as well as mental health and get that fatigue under control.

I did it for years and was lucky enough to do week on/week off shift work which really helped with training.

Then I remember finishing one spectacularly muddy NPS on Sunday afternoon, facing a 4hr drive home after another mid pack finish and just thought "why?"

4hrs drive, camped in a muddy field on Saturday, spent a day prepping, 2hrs racing, 4hrs driving again and a cost of £100 in fuel, race entries, food etc then the time and cost of cleaning the bike and that was it. After that I only entered more unique events like Three Peaks CX, did a few basic crits to keep my fitness up and just enjoyed it.

I do really admire the people who can just keep racing for decades sometimes. Shows a lot of commitment and inner strength but the reality for most people is that other stuff comes along. There's a mental hurdle of adjusting to it though after the relative routine of healthy eating, training, focus and so on to just wake up and go "yeah, gonna have a lie in then a massive bacon sandwich"!

but you don't have to stop racing, or training. Just dial it back to a balanced level, and accept that racing for 17th in sport or vets can be just as exhilarating as racing for 17th in expert. Doing it for decades does show a lot of inner strength but the flip is not true - just because you want to ease back and smell the flowers does not label you a failure.

It does sound to me like a mental thing though - you (Kryton) are validating your identity by being as fit / fast as you can be and then berating yourself when (bluntly) you're still (in your mind) ordinary. You're not I'm sure - probably what, top 2% of MTBers in the country once you include all those that never cable tie a number on?. But unless you're top 0.2% or even top 20, no-one else really cares, honestly, and you need your inner self to have a word with yourself and realise it. I don't even know what your real name is, and I've never looked up your race results, but I do see your agonies on here and I know you for them.....

I know it's harsh but it's a realisation I had with myself, over work rather than sport but the effect was the same. I was driving myself too hard, still couldn't achieve everything I wanted and was making myself miserable trying. Doesn't mean I stopped working hard, but now I enjoy it a lot more and can lift my head up and look around at what I have done rather than "what might have been if only......."

Sorry, bit tough love there but I think in your heart you know it. And as me and others have said, you don't have to jack it entirely, just dial it back. Ride and race for pleasure, but also sit barefooted in your garden with a beer too, and if at the end of the season you've missed it so badly, then make a comeback.

Thanks all, I’ve woken up with a headache, a little tired and a Body Battery at 98%. I’m about to do 45mins pre race on the turbo which will determine what happens next.

Stevious and Tall Martin thanks for your posts. I will write down what I want to do becuase I do enjoy the workouts, healthy eating and a lot of the races and involvement but your right in that I need to do them on my own terms. So I think taking my foot off the gas, having no expectations and keeping it local / looking for social opportunities to ride with me managing my own time. Being heavy and lethargic on the sofa fills me with dread. I’m thinking that’s what I’ll do for the remainder of the year to keep it ticking over.

Crazy legs experience is what’s facing me this morning, and I quite like the idea of Martin Lewis principle and Brucewee’s experience.

Ashat, I don’t think I have long Covid and i did have the mildest Covid ever, but what I seem to have is a long recovery time post virus and a resting hr that’s never gone back to within 4/5bpm of what it was. I took me 3-4 weeks to train properly after Covid in January, then 10days ago I had viral signs yet nothing other than headache, fatigue and a swollen lymph node. 10 days later of easy training (taper) and here I am with a headache still.

Not going today feels like I’ve failed, but I think staying at home, riding a couple of hours locally tomorrow and having a good think about things is the right thing to do.

Edit: we posted at the same time this…

It does sound to me like a mental thing though – you (Kryton) are validating your identity by being as fit / fast as you can be and then berating yourself when (bluntly) you’re still (in your mind) ordinary.

Has an element of truth in it, it’s an insecurity I guess.

(and wrt the weekend's away camping with friends and competitors - everyone should race with a stinking hangover at least once. Horrific but also very satisfying)

Has an element of truth in it, it’s an insecurity I guess.

IANAPsych (add your own ending, and make your own mind up 😉 ) but I think it is.

You can keep pushing harder and harder and honestly, you'll not achieve much more than you have now. Accept it, embrace how good you are, not how good you aren't. But you could ride to the cafe in Z2 right now, it's a lovely day, and they do a great flapjack.

As others said, find something fun. I seem to dip in and out of racing sailing dinghies. Probably comparable costs to mountainbiking. It took about 3 years to drag myself up from the back of the pack to some sort of competitive consistency. At the time spending a small fortune to race for a weekend was reasonable, about £80 for 3 days racing, maybe £50 in fuel, something will break, and for everyone's sanity no one works out what the cost of hardware is divided by the hours used.

The trouble I have with sailing is the lack of controll over the good days. You can go months before you get a day with a steady breeze, it's warm, the lake not choked with weeds, not getting abuse from the f****** fishermen, etc. At least riding a bike it's just "weather" and you dress for it.

If it's the variables and the traveling that's causing strain. Could you swap disciplines? Take up BMX, road/crit racing or track cycling which have better supourted regional competitions, or even just TT's? A Thursday evening track league is probably just as competitive, but might be a shorter drive, the variables more controlled, the training more objective, than driving across the country at the weekend to an ill defined top third/top ten finish.

I've recently taken up powerlifting. Still only deadlifting 100kg for 5 reps, but it's far more motivating when that goes up 2-5kg every time you go to the gym than zwifting or training with a power meter and every session pretty much looks the same and the number goes up a fraction after 8 weeks of turning yourself inside out several times a week.

Last time I was asked if I had any allergies my answer was "doing things half-heartedly".

Fortunately I'm now old enough to justify not doing things that ruin my life.

I'm also, bizzarely, allergic to oranges but I don't think the two are related.

One other suggestion as you get older is to replace some of the basic endurance/strength challenges with skill and mental challenges.

So for example, rather than just picking up ~200kg 3 different ways and then running 40km at a certain speed...

Work out how to sail a dinghy as fast as possible in the prevailing conditions against the ever changing boat situation.

Or get good enough at technical climbing moves that you can contemplate doing them without a rope over and over again.

Or add in the logistical challenge of navigating along a 10km ridge without making mistakes. Being able to work out where to go despite the exhaustion and fear gnawing away at you. Arranging things so you can get back to your car without any assistance.

Try and challenge multiple aspects of yourself all at once, rather than just some of the physical ones.

Try and challenge multiple aspects of yourself all at once, rather than just some of the physical ones.

This is why I like ITTs. No matter how fit you are you can always do a ride that is going to properly test you and show you what you're made of. The mental challenge is always there.

Life is one big compromise.
These compromises change with age, ability, lifestyles and ultimately wealth.

Kryton, if you are not racing for a living - you don't 'need' to race and place well.
That means you are doing it because you want to but, are now worrying if it is all worth it.

I suspect most of the worry and anxiety comes from your perception about what happens if you stop, not what benefits stopping will bring.

More than a few times the obvious thought is 'I'll pile on the pounds and become miserable'
This is the scariest and easiest one to fall back on, as nobody wants to be too fat and immobile, especially when used to the rush and feeling of being fit.

But reducing exercise doesn't have to mean huge weight gain. You know this but your mind won't let you put it into context.

I have loads of thoughts and reasonings that could have some relevance (happy to share these, but conscious that it could come over a bit preachy on a forum), although the underlying one is - 'you won't stop being you if you give up racing' Even if just for a while to see if the passion and desire returns, a rest and regroup doesn't hurt.

The question of whether you continue to race at perhaps a lower level as a result of cutting back your training and enjoying it more will depend very much on you. The suggestion is certainly valid but it doesn't work for everyone.

I raced kayaks from schoolboy days through to my early 20's. By my mid/late teens I was training very seriously often for around 4.5 hours a day.... 1 hour on the river before work then another 3 + hours in the evening (having sometimes skived off from work a bit early) doing more river work, running, weights. During this "serious" period I became a junior British champ at a couple of distances and a member of the Mexico Olympic squad. I never made the final selection (my doubles (K2) partner getting injured never helped) but I could have no complaints, it was fair. I carried on training and made the selection for the European Championships in Moscow in 1969. Then at the last minute the BCU had a funding prolem and cut the team down to something very small.  That really p*ssed me off. It made me reassess what I was trying to achieve. All that effort and no reward. Additionally I was paying very little attention to my career or earnings.

The result was that I took a bit of time out but came back to training after a couple of months but at a very reduced level. I enjoyed the training but when the next season's racing started again I started getting beaten by people I always used to beat. I stuck with it for a little while but then just knocked racing and what I would call training on the head. I never raced again and never kayak trained again. I did some running training with my girlfriend (now Mrs MD) who was a top 400/800 metre runner and enjoyed that.

When I got beaten after 1969 I wasn't upset by getting beaten by those who, historically, always beat me or gave me a hard tme, it was getting beaten by those I always dismissed as no competition.

We're not all the same but that was how it worked for me.

I sort of understand that. I stopped playing cricket when my eyesight started to fail me - I mean not picking the ball up as fast as I did, not that I can't read an eye chart. I dropped a level but I got frustrated quickly - being a technical sport it is not something that is 'done just as well but slower' - you were in with folks that couldn't catch, had horrible technique but good eyes, played on worse grounds and so on and I soon dropped out.

But being beaten in a race that is largely dictated by fitness and power to weight, etc., by someone who's only faster than you because they spend all their time training. I can live with that, 'cos I like cakes and doing stuff with my family more. They're not faster because they're better, they're faster because they have different life priorities.

Er, so an update; I'm not racing tomorrow, and I feel massively relieved.

I did the pre-race and it went two ways

a) All I could think of what w/kg, power, weight, speed, data, what if, more data - ffs what have I become! I'm mentally a mess will not enjoy the weekend or the race and risk a DNF/more anxiety by going

b) Aka Mark Lewis, I rode for 45 mins and dropped 443 cals - whoop!

Thanks Twonks for this:

Kryton, if you are not racing for a living – you don’t ‘need’ to race and place well.
That means you are doing it because you want to but, are now worrying if it is all worth it.

I suspect most of the worry and anxiety comes from your perception about what happens if you stop, not what benefits stopping will bring.

Its pretty much spot on. Tomorrow I'm going out on the bike for a couple of hours in the sun then doing something I've wanted to do since the last lockdown - stop on the way back for a pint in the Owl.

Going forward, I'm going to watch some more Mark Lewis videos then have a think about Riding is Training rather than the other way around. I'm enjoying the fitness and the workouts but not the rigidness, and I enjoy the healthy diet but not the compromises, so I'll approach the Gorrick 6h in May on the basis I enjoy Minley, I can go, race and be back in the same day. Whatever life throws at scheduled training beforehand - including an eye on the fatigue I'm experiencing - needs to be enjoyed and not compromised. Same with the July Pivot 12hr - so what if I was top ten last year and might not be this year, its a great weekend which Jnr enjoys so lets go for that reason.

I'm not a naturally gifted athlete so it takes a lot of hard work to be "good", if I remember I'm a family man of two with a family, Job and holidays to deal with then being better than average on a bike for the sake of everyone else happiness is a decent outlook to aim for rather than having a miserable 50yo moping around the house trying to be 7th at something no one will ever remember.

I came to terms with mediocrity a long time ago. It’s liberating.

I came to terms with mediocrity a long time ago. It’s liberating

I came to that realisation last year.
Every autumn i start looking at training for my big come back, it never happens.
So last autumn i had a bit of an epiphany, I've finally accepted i'm never going to race competitively again. I don't have the time, the mental fortitude or the inner drive to push myself that hard. Or the money to keep myself in kit and entry fees!

So last autumn i made a few tweaks to both my XCO bikes, more comfort, more grip, more travel, sold a handful of bits and pieces, and bought an endurance bike. It's been a massive struggle to pay for it, but i can just push off and ride where i want, at the speed i want, dirt tracks, back roads etc.
I've even dug out a bar bag and some of my old bike packing kit so i might do so cheap weekends, ride over to the next city on saturday, stop in an AirBnB and ride back with a hangover.
Or maybe just the 30km round trip to town and get an ice cream and watch the world go by.

And yes, i was pretty good BITD, i know how to train, how to push myself, i have been given kit/"paid" to race, i've got 7 or 8 years of middling to good results. Probably 60 odd podium finishes across disciplines and classes (got an utter kicking at elite level though, i wasn't that good!)
And, in the long run, if just riding my bike for a couple of years gives me the fitness and the urge to race again, i will. If it doesn't, i don't care.

I mean, i started out "just riding my bike" (CTC/Audax/RSF) in the 80's and 90's, no reason that it couldn't happen again.

Come and do the Southern XC race tomorrow, I shall be aiming for mid table mediocrity in the open race!!!

you can't aim for mediocrity, you have to settle for it.

I spent the morning riding round the three hills of the Hurtwood. I cruised up the bridleway climb from Holmbury hill to Leith Hill Tower. I remembered how utterly broken I've felt on that climb in the past and realised that now I don't race I'm so much fitter! Without targets I just ride everyday for the love of it. If I'm tired I go slow, if I'm not I look for climbs.
Brought me so much pleasure just feeling great, out on my bike, fit as a butchers dog.

Met a smashing lady at the top of BKB. We talked about how racing felt less important to us these days and at that moment I knew I'd done the right thing quitting the treadmill.

If you're not feeling it, don't do it. In some respects I've been there, as in podium at major international kind of event (AG) - but you know that - and basically a whole year of watching what I ate, training an awful lot, sacrificing family time, doing crazy shit like thinking that a round trip commute of 130k was a good idea twice a week - well it was and I hit my target, but by the end of the year I was f@$ked, I raced when I thought I just had a tight chest, ended up passing out, paramedics, temp of 40, resting HR of 100, blood pressure through the roof, blood O2 through the floor,so I had a break.

I've barely ridden more than 400k in a month since August last year, but I'm enjoying it.

Now to be honest I just race for the fun, yeah I want to do as good as I can without hating it, and I try and I've not done bad at regional CX this year, but I also like beer 😉

I'll be there tomorrow, it'd be nice to do well, I might even scrape top 10, nearly did last time out, but if I don't, it'll be a nice day on the bike.

you can’t aim for mediocrity, you have to settle for it.

You haven't seen me ride!!

Give trials riding a go if you still want to ride bikes and a challenge. Will still beast you, but in an entirely different way. Quantifying your rides by distance becomes completely irrelevant. Commit to practising the skills several times a week and you'll see progression.

Good luck in the race this morning Steve B - I did think about the discussion we’d had about your bronze medal experience earlier in the day.

I cleared my race diary last night with the exception of two races, and will have a rethink / replan today with sensibility in mind.

I did go to Cannock for the race today and absolutely hated it! Not of fan of the rooty, lumpy nature of those tracks they used, too much of that for me and not enough double track or fire road mixed in. I’m sure some people loved it but for me it killed my back and set my nerve pain off big time!

I’m giving racing one more go this summer and if I still don’t like xc I’m trying cyclo cross or sticking to road

you can’t aim for mediocrity, you have to settle for it.

Had to settle for the back of the field in the end...think I need a new rear mech!

Ouch! What did you do that on?

absolutely hated it! Not of fan of the rooty, lumpy nature of those tracks they used, ......not enough double track or fire road mixed in. 

Eek. Says it all really. Sounds utterly ghastly.

Move to Germany perhaps....

Edit. Just to be clear, not liking lumps and roots and instead wanting moarrrr fireroads sound ghastly.

Ouch! What did you do that on?

No idea, came out of a descent through the woods started pedalling and then all hell broke loose, chain was jammed between cassette and spokes, which is odd because I was in about 3rd smallest gear. Must have hit something in the woods that bent it without noticing.

Not of fan of the rooty, lumpy nature of those tracks they used, too much of that for me

Ooh, maybe I should've gone, I like trails like that. I'm heavy but powerful so I can power over them and my weight gives me momentum, so I do relatively better. Even though it's still hard!

I like a mixture during a race. I personally think a good course should have some real power sections, ideally a long, hard climb, then technical singletrack for the more skilled to bring their heart rate down a little.

Anyway. This is going off topic.
Here's another illustration of why not racing regularly is a good thing:
I woke up this morning feeling tired and a bit run down, so I did bugger all today. Ate lots, had a bit of booze, watched the women's downhill.
Lovely, and no guilt.

Despite the fact my coach has filled in the next two weeks of dedicated sessions, I've a hefty week of travelling this week and a forest family holiday next week.

So, taking this into my own hands, its two hard evening MTB rides Tuesday and Wednesday, then some 1hr early morning rides before every one else gets up on alternate days on hols.... followed by beer and wine in the evening 🙂

Looks like my races this year now boil down to Torq in your sleep in May, Mayhem in June, Southern XC Marathon in June and the Pivot 12h in July.

That'll do thanks.

Good luck in the race this morning Steve B – I did think about the discussion we’d had about your bronze medal experience earlier in the day.

Yeah training for the Euros was bloody hard work, bordering on selfish - well not bordering, it was - but I got what I wanted I keep thinking about doing it all again, but to be honest I reckon it'll be when the kids are older, so it might be a quest for a stripey jumper when I'm in V50 and can afford more time, without interrupting family life completely for about 9 months.

As for yesterday in Cannock I enjoyed it, it was also bloody hard work and just the right side of warm to not end up a salty mess at the end, as I've not exactly "trained" for a 6 hour effort it took some doing, in fact the last time I rode for that long was the Dirty Nocka in September '21!

I pulled the plug at 5 hours and 72k, could've done another lap within the cut-off, but frankly couldn't be bothered and give the trails were in very similar condition to the September '21 edition and the course almost identical I was pretty pleased to have covered the same distance in 40 minutes less than the previous outing.

On a course related note, I think the one they set out for the Nocka is perfect, just the right balance of fire roads, climbing, tech and flow, it would make a bloody brilliant 12hr or even 24hr course if the forestry would let them hold an over nighter, which they won't, but that's another story. It's all rideable, it holds up pretty well in crap conditions and the Takeroo has enough space to put host that kind of thing.

But in all honestly, just get out an ride, if you're feeling this way I'd consider binning the coach off and get your life back, spend the money you'll save on riding in different places and cherry pick events to do, it's way better.

Consider ditching the coaching, it'll be adding to the pressure and sense of expectation

Out of interest do you employ a coach to provide accountability i.e. you are more likely to stay on track with a coach?

I know you looked at just using TrainerRoad which I think would get you 90-95% of the way there but if you need that accountability (from the diet perspective as well) then fair enough.

I am doing Mayhem this year - will be my first ever MTB race! Look forward to being lapped by you 😉

I’ve done lots of racing over the years, but I’ve always accepted I’m there to make up the numbers!

I have changed focus to setting myself a couple of annual challenges, in different sports and yes, I’ll still race bikes, but mainly for the fun of it. My goal nowadays is not to finish last!

I know what you mean and appreciate the challenges you face..
I ebb and flow when it comes to racing/riding/fitness/challenges..

I often enter WAY more things that I realistically can fit in - being a single parent means making big choises..I can't do any events the weekends i have my kids, so that's 50% of weekends gone..
Then I don't want to pi$$ off my OH... but also racing IS important to me, so I hope she understands that too...

Then of course, if you want to do well, it's not jsut the race date, but the training/practice/etc leading up to the race...

In my mid 30s I would stress about being 'unfit' for a month or two (as @pictonroad mentioned - a cold can take you out the game for a month!)... now I'm nearly 40 I TRY to be more relaxed, and appreciate my fitness can ebb and flow over a 6 month period...

My big challenge is that I have rather rigid ways of thinking - if I set myself a goal (i.e a zwift training programme) tehn I struggle if I don't stick to it ALL... cos then I think "well I'm not doing 100% of it, so may as well quit it all".... I really need to cahnge this way of thinking...
Same with racing... I feel IF i can't give it my ALL, then I may as well not effing bother....

Something I did note with my racing progress is that (humble brag coming..) in my early 30s I'd race XC etc and come mid pack..that was fine, that was fun...
THen when i started getting podiums...then golds...then having to "defend my title" it became a lot more pressure..I'd get (and still do) REALLY anxious before a race... so the higher up teh ranks you get,the more the pressure builds!

Anyway... I hope you manage to find inner peace, as do i..

DrP

EDIT - Robbo's comment is a good one:
"Out of interest do you employ a coach to provide accountability i.e. you are more likely to stay on track with a coach?"
I can deffo see that a financial investment in a coach or programme really does add accountability!

Similar to what others have said, but, learn to ride the learning curve. Every skill/sport has a learning curve and there comes a point where it takes more and more time and effort to make smaller and smaller gains, if you want to be the best at one thing, you have to embrace that and spend more time than anyone else improving that skill, but that comes at a cost, and the cost is that you'll have no time for anything else, you have to sacrifice learning other skills, sacrifice time with your family, sacrifice your career.

The alternative is competance at many things, become a jack of all trades, it takes much less time to be competant at something than it does to be a master, but you can manage many things, you have to stop comparing yourself to the rest of the world and learn to be happy with what you can do. We all know the response you get from a non cyclist when you tell them you cycled 50 miles, do that for a lot of stuff, and screw what Nino Schurter thinks of your XC abilities. It's better for your mental health, it's better for your comfidence and you get to be a more useful human being come the apocolypse 🙂

I had a conversation with a slightly older friend a while back (him 56 - me 51) & it was something along the lines of "Do we train to race or race to train?"

Racing for me gives my riding structure & focus. I've been training to do something physical ever since I was 24 & joined the marines. It's what I do & I enjoy it. It keeps me out of the pub, off the shite food & looks after my health. I don't obsess about my data much just so long as I'm there or thereabouts (I'm not doing it for a living...)

I realised long ago that too many events really takes it out of you so I've only 4 this summer (2 team & 2 xc) plus the Ex Enduro with a mate - but that'll be for kicks & beer.

Whenever I'm out I always try to take a positive out of the ride. Yesterday it was dry roads, not much traffic & a beautiful sunset over the Chiltens as I rode home. Did I hit my targets? Yeah, but that was a bonus in hindsight. The real plus was riding through some gorgeous countryside. The day before? Horrible, nasty lung throwing up intervals...I can't say I enjoyed those, but what I did enjoy was the feeling after & the beautiful sunny blue sky on my ride home.

My point being don't forget to look up, stop, & smell the flowers (metaphorically speaking...)

I also guess I'm lucky as I really LOVE riding my bike!

Be wary of stopping completely!

My cycling life was built around competing of some sort. Then I had to go on medication (for life) which completely killed my form.

It didn't stop me riding, but I was never a bimbler - just riding for ridings sake - there had to be a purpose. As a result my interest waned and the bikes haven't been ridden in years.

I do have a coach and yes I enjoy the accountability and learning that goes with it. Perhaps what's obvious is that I'm busy at work, and together with kids things & hols I rather over committed my time and the April schedule is a nightmare.

I don't want to stop completely. I emailed my coach this morning asking for generalised suggestions for 1hr workouts over the next 2 weeks for me to fit in as I can rather than a prescriptive diary, then we get back on track a bit for Torq in your sleep but leaving time for me to have a beer at the weekend.

After that is Mayhem in June, Vittoria Marathon in June, Pivot 12h in July and probably a Gorrick in September,

I did enjoy a hard ride yesterday albeit with some rear mech issues. I posted in the Weekend Pics thread at my Tea stop.

See you at Mayhem Robbo! I won't be staying over but perhaps will catch up with you before the start.

Instead I quite fancy a lie in, a social club run or solo MTB ride and a few beers sat on the garden furniture in the sun. But this of course is a massive dent in kicking off my season with other training and racing based around how the Cannock event goes.

I’m just sitting here in a funk about it all. However, it feels difficult to give it all up, which no doubt some will suggest is the easy thing to do e.g. stop. Anyone else been through this and can offer advice?

I have no direct advice but I do relate to some of this. I think we are on different wavelengths in terms of the Type A behaviour though. fwiw, from what I have set training plans down for and worked at because it was something vital to my self respect and personality, something I needed to have done in life etc -
1) What is your main motivator in all this, what is the goal? It's probably not as simple as a top 5 result, it'll be more personal than that. No need to set it out here but you need to be honest with yourself.
2) How will you know you've achieved it? If you can't answer this I suspect your answer to 1) was off.
3) When you achieve the goal, what comes next? Because going after the same achievement over and over again suggests that your answer to 1) may have been wrong, misguided or simply not honest with yourself.

It's worth working through this one. I can say that what little I did do in racing still was a big, life-affirming thing for me. I still think of going back to that cycle of work and goals as I found the training very positive and rewarding but I know I got what I wanted from it and having done that my motivations are different. That's not a loss, it's finding a sort of peace or an answer I wanted.

The other thing is I believe you can stay at 85-90% of your peak fitness and really enjoy riding, be fast and stay in shape etc, without formal training. The last 10-15% is a fkload of work and focus to tune up something that you can maintain through a decent pattern of winter miles and spring/summer sprints for the enjoyment of the activity. Good habits and a more relaxed attitude towards it rather than something set in stone that you beat yourself up with. All the training really gives you ime, for endurance fitness, is more matches not massively bigger match heads. Lighting a few per ride always feels good and you won't lose that. And someone else is always faster, we all have good days so who cares who's fastest on that one day. It's just an ego thing really.

I like racing and training and having something in life to focus on, for me. If I'm not on the wagon and i'm off the wagon, really struggle to find a happy medium, but I'm average.

But, the more you ride at a well trained level, the more friends you make who are good. I've now got the problem of being naturally weaker than a lot of my mates, so I need to be in good shape to be able to enjoy riding with them. Which is good that it keeps a bit of pressure on....

Ooh, @mrlebowski has described my approach to athleting (it's a word) very well. I like to have a 'what I liked about my ride' prepared to tell my wife about when I get back.

On the subject of coaching, I was listening to the Matt Stephens Unplugged podcast earlier and it made me think of this thread. Specifically in this one with Conor Swift:

https://sigmasports.podbean.com/e/connor-swift-on-premature-celebrations/

And this one with the Downing brothers

https://sigmasports.podbean.com/e/double-downing-russ-and-dean-s-top-training-tips/

They talked a bit about how how much more successful they've been as coaches & atheltes when they've been able to be honest and clear about when they've been struggling.

It made me think @Kryton57 , it might be worth thinking about how your relationship is with your coach and whether there are changfes you can make to that relationship so he can help you avoid digging yourself as deep as you have.

@jameso @kryton57

If I may be direct and hopefully not too far off the mark (picking up from previous comments)

1) What is your main motivator in all this, what is the goal? It’s probably not as simple as a top 5 result, it’ll be more personal than that. No need to set it out here but you need to be honest with yourself.

I don't think Kryton has a goal with regards to the racing as such, more towards the life of an athlete. Although he may not realise it, his goals are to not stop - simples. If along the way some top placings come as a result, so much the better and a sense of achievement will no doubt be rightfully felt - but the fail is to not do it at all and pile weight on, get unfit. One test of this is to write down what failure would be in your eyes (Kryton) and what said failure would do to your life. Might be a bit tricky now as I've outlined what I think you'd say, so it isn't a blind question any longer.

The goal may actually be to stay fit, healthy and competitive. The fear is by not racing and training competitively, these goals can not be met. Viscous circle then sets in and it all becomes mental as much as physical because of course one can remain fit and healthy without such (relative) extremes of training etc, it's just that Kryton can't (doesn't want to) see this yet.

The fear is being addressed already, as shown by cancelling Sunday and clearing the diary. What has to be done now is to realise why it has been done and what can be done in its place to make sure the desire to stay fit and healthy is taken care of.

I'm in danger of meeting myself coming backwards going into this without input from Kryton, so I'll stop there and see if some of it is correct,

Twonks, I'd say thats a very insightful summary, and quite accurate. I'm a bit complicated phsycologically, so your questions are hard to answer.

Now, I did go through this with work, so I'll try to express the same here.

Success for me is external recognition of something I do as good from a person that I myself have a respect for. Its not about money, certificates or medals. Going through a coaching process and being at the sharp end of races is great, but having people/adversarys pat me on the shoulder or recognise me with competitive concern is THE validation. Sorry if that sounds ego driven.

So having gone from social MTBr to Racer and acknowledged as such was a validation - check. Going from Trainerroad to a Coachable was the next step - check. Being coached to top 10 National 12hr and top 5 Gorrick 6hrs put me at the sharp end and earned me handshakes and acknowledgment from adversaries - my greatest validation that I was good at a form of MTB racing.

I don't want to stop, I just had a bunch of conflicting interests and needed a reset. But in doing so I realised that - as Steve B and others have iterated - there's a price to pay and a commitment to make to get up at the front. I'm 50 this year and have a busy stressful job (enterprise sales) and I wanted to have holidays with beer and good food to celebrate my milestone, and not having holidays whilst counting cals and with a bike / gym schedule between half a lager twice a day.

I need to find the right balance or effort vs outcome, but this year I want to be a bit more social whilst maintaining my fitness. Maybe I'll hit the scales and 10-12hr training weeks next year, who knows. But I do know I'm not comfortable sitting on the couch day in day out, and I enjoy riding my bike most of the time. Last Sunday - the first proper dry trails day for ages - brought the beginnings of a smile back to my face, I need to hold on to that enjoyment of effort with pace and speed.

FWIW my coach has been very understanding, has backed off my schedule and encouraged me to have a holiday next week and also offered his time should I need a non structured chat just to pour out my issues. We've been together for a while and he does have a good understanding of me, so knows that stress=fail for me so I feel he's giving me the space I need currently.

Crikey, talk about pouring your heart out in public....

Honestly, I think you need to. It's a good place to do it, there's a lot of people with direct or indirect experience who will listen and offer advice if you want it.

One thing concerns me:

Success for me is external recognition of something I do as good from a person that I myself have a respect for.

True self esteem comes from within. Looking in the mirror and seeing a good person, one you're happy with is worth 100x chasing the validation of others. So many athletes are totally insecure because of this, and I suspect when the capability fades as inevitably it does with age, injury or fatigue, and you no longer see your name on the selection list for the Olympics, or in the national squad or in the top 10 at a Gorrick or whatever it is, then that self worth ebbs away too. And leaves you in a dark place. Please talk to someone about that properly, and although I don't know you or them, I don't think your coach is that right person.

https://www.talkspace.com/blog/validation-opinions-stop-seeking/