Any reluctants Dads on here? Experiences when you had your first born

while the likelihood of me riding a bike for anything other than commuting at any point in the next three years is even less

Why? my bike time didn't change at all, you HAVE to give each other space, my missus realised that cycling was an important part of my life, and so we made space for it. I made space for her need for space as well, it's all give and take innit?

You'll still get out and ride, but at different times. Tonight it's a road ride in the hills… in the dark.

This is the bit that's worrying me.

Wasn't too bad with one the second stumped thing a bit, I also refer to friends who don't live near by as I can't just jump in the car and come back a few days later any more, takes months of planning.

Go to anti natal classes. We got to meet some great people (and Terrahawk). These are the people that will be in the same boat as you at the same time. Mrs Spider has a whole new circle of friends now.

I hope the great people you met made up for meeting Terra 😉

Go to anti natal classes.

The look was enough for my wife not to ask me to go twice.

my missus realised that cycling was an important part of my life,

For me it isn't my wife dictating what I can and cannot do, it has become what I want to do. I don't WANT to spend my time away from my children. I want to get home as soon as I can after work, I want to feed and bathe them and watch them fall asleep in my arms. I can't do that when out riding my bike.

Why? my bike time didn't change at all, you HAVE to give each other space, my missus realised that cycling was an important part of my life, and so we made space for it. I made space for her need for space as well, it's all give and take innit?

Nice theory…

To top it all off, we're moving to Australia in September so we have some family support nearby (her parents, my Dad's in NZ) so I lose access to all of my friends and the people we met through antenatal classes while my commute is likely to increase to >1 hour in a train each way too. Really rather worried that life is going to be work and baby with little time left for anything else. 😕

Why? my bike time didn't change at all, you HAVE to give each other space, my missus realised that cycling was an important part of my life, and so we made space for it. I made space for her need for space as well, it's all give and take innit?

My Mrs does too but time constraints work against that theory as it's me who looks after most of the time because I work shifts. If I have the kids during the week I'm working weekends and vice versa, then if I'm off at the weekend it's some times nice to see the wife rather then passing in the passage on my way to work.

congratulations to you and mrshora.
Does she know you've 'sort of' announced this to a bunch of strangers?

Everyone's different. It's granted a bit easier for me and the missus, as we work together, makes weekends a little less stressful.

Being a Dad is the most rewarding thing I've ever done. Congrats young man.

Although, when I get my motorbike out of the garage every morning to go to work, I still stare longingly at my Santa Cruz chained to the wall, gathering dust. Not having been ridden for 3.5 years…

I wouldn't change a thing. 8)

Go to anti natal classes.

The look was enough for my wife not to ask me to go twice.

Why would you NOT go? I found it quite informative plus I scored brownie points by doing the right thing. An hour or so isn't much to give up in the scheme of things.

Why would you NOT go?

I had no need, couldn't make many because of shifts and no such thing as brownie points in our house.

plus I scored brownie points by doing the right thing

I didn't score points when, on discussing breast feeding and how babies/mothers cope, I piped up with 'A literal case of Suck it and See'. Cue giggles from the blokes and evil stares from the women.

🙂

no such thing as brownie points in our house

Ohh there is – she just hasn't told you yet…

Ours was a good laugh too.

Ohh there is – she just hasn't told you yet…

lol nah not really we both please our selves and usually act in the best interest for us both.

Ours was a good laugh too.

The one I went to was so cheesy I shudder to think about it, the only thing that could of made it worse to put the classic 1970s video of a woman having a baby with a fanny like a trappers hat. 😕

nah not really we both please our selves and usually act in the best interest for us both

Thats what she wants you to think 😆

Good on you – in fact I was told off by Mrs M last night for saying 'told you so' when discussing a habit I discovered with one of ours and also for trying to 'race' a bottle feed between our them 🙂

Apparently it ISN'T a competition. Still – I can't help trying to get the first burp in.

(And one for the baby too).

Good on you – in fact I was told off by Mrs M last night for saying 'told you so'

Oh I get that but the telling off is usually two short words. 😳

"lol nah not really we both please our selves and usually act in the best interest for us both"

But when she asked you to go to classes you didn't? You acted in your own best interest?

Thats what she wants you to think

She'll have a little book where she notes every single last thing you do wrong*, just waiting for the right moment…

*It doesn't have to BE wrong, just as long as she thinks it is.

the telling off is usually two short words

Do we share a wife? LOL

But when she asked you to go to classes you didn't? You acted in your own best interest?

What you questioning my choice of living? She never asked me to go but I went once out of decency like I said there was no need for me to go.

Do we share a wife? LOL

I'm not Fatsimon.

🙂

oi!! no need for that!! ive got all the baby thing to come in about 8 mnths 2nd time a round for me with a 12year gap oh bugger its going to hurt this time a round no sleep etc

I love going to the classes, being the only 'foreignor' in the hospital here in Beijing (my wife is Chinese, so another half chinese/english one coming from here) I get picked on by all the nurses…. oh the pain of it all 😮

'foreignor'

Are you a foreigner in Britain too? 😉

oi!! no need for that!!

Sorry cheap shot.

nope, in China… so using my Chinglish to great effect…… works in the UK too 🙂

Go to anti natal classes

If she's already preggers it's a bit late for that 😉

Why not have an abortion?

LOL 😯

I'm not joking!

We've got a 3mth old here, and I've still trained for an Ironman. Got MrsTM's blessing to enter when she was 6mths pregnant, and now she's already agreed for me to do Lanzarote next May as well (before we have no2), mainly because how I've juggled the training hasn't actually come over as too onerous on her for managing the sprog. I get a lot of training done before work, even after taking her breakfast in bed & doing the other chores.

The other side is that she knew before we married that riding bikes etc was a significant part of who I am and she says she doesn't want to loose that.

Whether I will want to spend more time with the lad as he gets older rather than also riding, I just don't know, but for now it all works. When no2 comes along, I'm sure options will become far more restricted!

PS: I'll vote for an Out'n'about 360 buggy, as it works from birth. Took him down the track at Monsal Head at 2wks, Mrs was having kittens but he loved it / fell asleep. Pretty good for running as well (another training opportunity & allows quite time for Mrs so gets you in the good books).

Off to make tea…

Returning to the OP – been in a similar situation, halfway through a degree wasn't the best time to be starting a family!

Went through a whole range of emotions and options, but toughed it out and came out the other side. Have two kids and no regrets now.

Accept that your lifestyle MUST change, and plan ahead. Lots of good stuff on here about the money side of it. One thing becoming a dad taught me was how much time and money we had wasted before. When there isn't much of either, every pound and second becomes precious and more worthwhile.

And I only began to ride after becoming a Dad – I gave up the gym membership as we didn't think we could afford the time and fees – since then been through 6 complete bikes and two frames in 6 years. Oooops!

It's the easiest thing in the world to walk away when faced with this colossal life changing event, always harder to tough it out.

Looking forward to your vasectomy thread when you decide to take no more chances!

Congratulations!!! . . . and don't let anyone tell you it'll put an end to biking/buying bike stuff . . . I bought my first MTB when I was 5 months pregnant with son number 3 . . . just bought my 71st (sheesh) new frame/bike since then – it's gotta stop soon though – I'll soon have Uni bills to think about. Having kids rocks!!! 8)