Anxiety and Depression

I’m a regular on here but I’ve created a new account so I can speak freely on this topic.

I’m going to give a bit of history (skip it if you like) then my problem, then ask for some advice…

History…

I’m in my 40s and I’ve suffered from depression my whole life, at least partly as a result of an upbringing which left me with very low self-esteem and difficulties forming relationships. I made a suicide attempt in young adulthood but most of the time these days I function OK, and have had little time off work over the years.

I have a very loving and understanding partner and two great kids, all of whom are a source of joy to me.

The problem…

For the second Sunday in a row, I’ve woken up very down and very anxious, with “butterflies” in my stomach, irritable and with low energy.

It’s work (I’m a teacher) that is making me feel like this, knowing the stuff I’ve got to do for Monday.

I could change jobs, but it would then be my third school in a year. I have to accept that it’s not any particular school that makes me depressed and anxious; it’s just the job. Unfortunately, I don’t know another way of earning this salary, and the benefits (holidays, pension) that come with it. Furthermore, I’m considered a good teacher and my students have always had good results.

The bottom line is, I feel like I’m running out of steam in my career. I hate going in, I hate marking books and filling in spreadsheets. I find maintaining relationships with my colleagues exhausting. But realistically I’m going to be at the chalk face for another ten years, if I make it that long. I need to get myself into a place mentally and emotionally to cope with this. I’ve always resisted antidepressant medication, but my mental health is getting worse these days rather than better, so I’m prepared to give them a try.

So, I need to ask you lovely people…

Does it sound like antidepressants would help me, given the circumstances above?

What does it feel like to take them, and what happens when you try to come off them?

Please don’t advise me to talk to my boss (not a chance!) or change careers (I can’t do anything else!!)

Thanks all

It’s work (I’m a teacher) that is making me feel like this, knowing the stuff I’ve got to do for Monday.

I got as far as here and stopped reading, I’ll go back later if needs be.
Get out of teaching is the short and simple answer.
My anxiety and depression was caused by my blood family, once I realised this was the case I sacked them off and have never felt better, or at least am working through it, but don’t have the cause anymore.
I’ve read a bit further now.
Go and teach abroad.
Seriously, if it’s the job that’s bringing you down. Change it.
Job, family or partner; they aren’t worth your own wellbeing. You have to look after No1.

Why do you feel you can’t talk to your boss? I’m a head of dept, and I’d be worried of one of my dept couldn’t come and chat with me about something like this.

Is there a neutral person in school that you could talk to? There’s normally someone in charge of well-being, or one of the SLT who is more sympathetic.

Teaching can be quite anxiety inducing. I’ve had many horrible Sunday evenings dreading the week to come. But you can always guarantee that the lesson will end and that the kids will go on their merry way.

What specifics do you think about teaching that make you anxious? Is it the work load, the marking, the little dears themselves? These are all manageable, but you really need to talk to someone at the school. They have a responsibility to make sure you are healthy and happy in your job. Currently sounds like you are neither.

ADs might help, they do swing the balance for me.

But they can take away the motivation/ability to actually work on the issues, by CBT or whatever.

No offence CSW but I’d not take his reply as fact for you, this stuff is hugely personal.

Until l walked away from teaching two years ago I had no idea what a negatinve effect the job was having on my health. I was made redundant so the decision was out of my hands and I’m guessing that If I hadn’t I would still be putting myself through it regardless. Life is way too short to do something if your health is suffering as a result. Although our household income has been reduced, the quality of life for me and my family far outweighs the money.

Is there a neutral person in school that you could talk to? There’s normally someone in charge of well-being, or one of the SLT who is more sympathetic.

Not if you don’t have confidence in the people around you. The Op needs to talk outside the work environment to find the causes.
As a head of dept, who would you go to to say that you are having personal/performance problems?

Hi,
Where to start without rambling on too much…
I’ve had numerous episodes of depression and anxiety and in the past have tried various antidepressants. Fluoxetine used to work well for me. It felt like the sun had come out from behind a cloud and I would take it every few years for 7 months or so. A few years ago for some reason that no one has been able to explain, I stopped being able to tolerate antidepressants.
After a 2.5-year run of severe depression and no meds, I was assigned to counselling on the NHS through IAPT (Improved access to psychological therapies). Had a brilliant counsellor for 12 sessions, but have been down since they stopped and am trying to get some more.
I can’t advise you as such, but it might be good to talk about your options with the doctor. If you are offered counselling and think it might help, I can highly recommend it.

English teachers are needed in nearly all schools, change jobs and change your environment.

Go for a ride with mates is what I do every Sunday for exactly your reasons.

Hesitant to reply to this as I normally avoid these threads but perhaps I have something to add that could help. I think this sort of thing is really quite common, many on here seem to be affected in one way or another judging by the responses I see. You have some past experiences that mark you out but nonetheless I expect there are common origins to these problems. I have a brother who is crippled by anxiety and as far as I could tell he had everything going for him – fantastic at sport, funny, great looking. I am the most confident person you could meet, amazing job (although like you I don’t always appreciate it), great wife and kids yet I could still trip myself up on occasion. Now I don’t know about antidepressants but I reckon that you cannot give in to these sorts of feelings. I probably have another 30 years on this planet if I’m lucky and I don’t want to waste one single day feeling shit, not making the most of what I have.

If this is about work then you have to find a way to re-energise. 10 years is too long to carry feelings like this with you. Find another angle to what you teach, find some personal inspiration through others. Don’t just sit in feeling shit.

Have you tried CBT to help with the anxiety? My wife has been doing this thing to help with sleep problems where every day she write down concerns, stresses, worries, thoughts, etc and then she reads them back and writes down rational responses to them. It sounds so simple but she’s finding it very helpful, especially compared to doing the same exercise in your head. At the end of the day she’s also been picking out three good moments from the day, which there always will be, even in the darkest times.

As a head of dept, who would you go to to say that you are having personal/performance problems?

I’m very lucky to have a really amenable and down-to-earth line manager, who is also the deputy head. He’s only 3-4 years older than me, and we get on well.

But, as I said the school should have someone whose responsibility is to be a neutral person who you can talk to about personal and health problems. They will be able to advise on policy, lend an ear for you to vent, and also anything you say should be confidential.

djflexure – Member

Hesitant to reply to this as I normally avoid these threads but perhaps I can help (in sorts). I think this sort of thing is really quite common, many on here seem to be affected in one way or another judging by the responses I see. You have some past experiences that mark you out but nonetheless I expect there are common origins to these problems. I have a brother who is crippled by anxiety and as far as I could tell he had everything going for him – fantastic at sport, funny, great looking. I am the most confident person you could meet, amazing job (although like you I don’t always appreciate it), great wife and kids yet I could still trip myself up on occasion. Now I don’t know about antidepressants but I reckon that you cannot give in to these sorts of feelings. I probably have another 30 years on this planet if I’m lucky and I don’t want to waste one single day feeling shit, not making the most of what I have.

If this is about work then you have to find a way to re-energise. 10 years is too long to carry feelings like this with you. Find another angle to what you teach, find some personal inspiration through others. Don’t just sit in feeling shit.
Which is another way of saying MTFU, which, of course, is ridiculous.

I’ve dabbled in depression and in a constant state of anxiety being that I’m a pessimist and various potential hazmat exposure and genetic concerns.
Anyway:
1. Exercise
2. Counselling
3. Medication.

If you’re that bad with work, surely the GP can sign you off on short term disability for 6mo?
Exercise as much as you can and if you family are supportive as you say, you’ll need them to push you out the door to get some endorphins flowing.
If that fails, counselling.. and all else, sure, give meds a go..

captainsasquatch

I reached out, opened a dialogue, tried to find common ground and gave some very basic work related advice.

It may help, it may not, but it was intended to be constructive.

What have you done today?

Sertaline and CBT did wonders when I was diagnosed with anxiety.

Been off meds for 18 months now and coping fine. At least I know what’s happening when it happens and the CBT taught me how to cope

captainsasquatch – Member

You really can’t help being a compete an utter tosser sometimes, can you? Reported, and I’m not quoting your comment due to its nature.

I think MTFU is a loose term for mind over matter. Some people are undoubtedly fortunate and can deal with stuff in this way, while for others their problems organically overwhelm any intrinsic ability to cope or they don’t have the tools to cope. I believe that my experience is valid – I am one end of the spectrum and perhaps you are the other. I am sure that the OP can potentially distill information from us both. I expect thats why posting on a forum has the potential to help.

I also find that listening to very loud beats helps shake any sense of shite out of me 🙂

I think MTFU is a loose term for mind over matter. Some people are undoubtedly fortunate and can deal with stuff in this way, while for others their problems organically overwhelm any intrinsic ability to cope or they don’t have the tools to cope. I believe that my experience is valid – I am one end of the spectrum and perhaps you are the other. I am sure that the OP can potentially distill information from us both. I expect thats why posting on a forum has the potential to help.

Maybe so, but when you’re driven to the depths and consider finishing everything, having someone come along to say pull your socks up because I’m doing great really sucks.
Walk a mile in another man’s shoes.

Goes both ways

Does it sound like antidepressants would help me, given the circumstances above?

Yes, I think you’re a good candidate for antidepressants. Most people find that they quickly take the edge off the anxiety and depression, and can give a breathing space to deal with any underlying issues with more long-term treatments. Lots of people on here are anti-pills, but they do work very well for a great many, especially those who like you have a family to support and a job that takes up lots of time and energy. You sound like you need a fix sooner rather than later, and modern medication can provide that far faster than CBT and the like, which take effort, and time, to make any difference. Not that I’m knocking the latter, but if you want the problem dealing with soon then antidepressants are more likely to work fast. You can always work on the mindfulness or whatever else helps later.

What does it feel like to take them, and what happens when you try to come off them?

If you’re depressed, it usually just feels a whole lot better than not taking them, and that’s about it. Sometimes some of the initial side-effects can be a little bit weird, but that settles down pretty fast, after a few weeks you feel pretty normal. Coming off them you generally taper the dose to soften the landing, and it can similarly take a little while for things to settle down, but again things go back to normal soon enough.

Your GP will be able to answer all these questions and more in detail, as well as being able to refer you for other sorts of treatment too. I would recommend that you make an appointment to see a doctor tomorrow and have a proper chat with a professional about all this. If nothing else you might be surprised how much better you feel just after talking to someone completely impartial about it all…

I’d look at counselling and or mindfulness.

I do daily mindfulness practice and helps with lots of things. It is approoved as an NHS treatment for chronic depression

Teacking in a college (This helped me massively, I was struggling in a school)

Teaching in the independent sectuer

Teaching abroad

I can’t be specific as I don’y know you or your problems well enough

I bet dj has lots of inspiring motivational posters dotted about the house.

Don’t just sit in feeling shit.

Brilliant….wtf hav’nt I thought of this before.Idiot.

OK I’m happy to share my experience of a few years ago when I was going through a bit of a blue patch.

Saw the GP, got prescribed some ADs and a few counselling sessions.

Took one tablet and it made me feel so much worse – all foggy-headed and aimless – that I couldn’t take any more. Ironically it really helped, as it made me think “that must be what proper bad depression feels like” and I realised that I wasn’t so bad.

Only had time for one of the counselling sessions before I moved across the country, but I think it really helped to just have that initial unburdening. I haven’t felt the need to see the GP in my new location as I’m feeling much more positive.

Addressing the job stuff – I’m in a different field but also in my 40s and just feeling over my chosen career. Perhaps there’s a slight mid-life crisis aspect to it?

I’m currently trying to diversify my portfolio, so to speak. Are there any related roles you could move into? School inspection or something?

Go and see your GP anyway.

I bet dj has lots of inspiring motivational posters dotted about the house.
Don’t just sit in feeling shit.

Brilliant….wtf has’nt anyone thought of this before.Idiot.

😀

I surely am the idiot – not contesting this point.

Thing is I had a good day and I could have had a bad day. Looks like Rorschach woke up to a bad day and then had one. If you can make adjustments that help then why not?

djflexure – Member

Goes both ways
Your complete and utter lack of understanding knows no bounds.

(Makes adjustment with Blacklist script…..feels better)

.

I’ve been on Vanlafaxine for a number of years, it’s possible that I became depressed due to smoking dope during my teens, though there’s things like bullying which may have played a part too, and other stuff which would logically make a person feel down about themselves.

I gather that Vanlafaxine can be a tricky one to come off, but they allow me to function in a way which I wasn’t able to before starting to take them, but I was in quite a bad place when I needed to go onto anti-D’s, in needing to go and see therapists and things. For me they’ve most certainly helped.

I’d seriously consider some kind of change in your circumstances, even if it was only just switching to teaching supply perhaps?

When my Mum retired from full time teaching due to not liking the job anymore, she quite liked teaching supply, and especially working with infant and nursery children.

Maybe teaching in colleges might be another option…?

Good luck

djflexure:

The whole point with depression (rather than feeling ‘fed up’) is that you feel like you’re in a big hole, you have awareness of what happiness used to be like, and you know what you need to do to be happier – in principle, but despite that, you can’t seem to find the motivation or energy to make the changes required to make life better, and you don’t enjoy things which you used to enjoy, and feel sad for no particular reason, which you can’t identify well enough to do something about.

Until you’ve been depressed enough to need outside help, you don’t actually know what you’re talking about (unless you’ve studied the condition in a medical capacity).

I came across this saying recently.

‘There’s 3 kinds of people in life. Those who have been in your situation and understand from experience. Those who haven’t been in your situation and have empathy. And those who haven’t been in your situation and judge. Don’t be the third.’

TimothyD, you are far more eloquent, and far less abrasive than I.
Thank you.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression this time last year. Always been prone to mood swings and glass half empty, but a few things at home and work combined to tip me over the edge. Dreaded going to work, dreaded being at home, wanted to get away from it all, do anything, to stop feeling like that. Luckily my family were too important for me to attempt some of what I was thinking.

Went to the GP, who was very good. Signed me off work, recommended ADs but didn’t prescribe them, sorted me some CBT on the NHS.

At the same time, work arranged some counseling for me through their assistance scheme.

Went back to the GP and we agreed to try me on a very low dose of Citalopram to take the edge off the anxiety and buy me some time without having too many side effects.

The CBT was good, but ran out before I properly got the most out of it. The counseling was great, made me see that it wasn’t me that was the failure, gave me some confidence back.

Work have been pretty good to be fair. My work load was scaled back, and after 3 months I was ready to go back. It’s still hard, I’m still on the low dose of ADs but aiming to come off it this spring and hopefully will have the balance back to deal with what life throws at me. It’s taken time, but I’m getting there.

Go to the docs and see what is available.
Have a chat with your line management ,if possible.
Good luck.

Antidepressants can be a huge help. Why have you avoided them?

Once I was prescribed, it took about a month, and then, like vickypea described above, it felt like the sun finally came out. It still feels like that somewhat, about seven months on.

As for coming off them goes, there is no real worry, as you are weaned off them instead of having them cut off in short order.

Please at least try something before making any long-term decisions.

If you would like to know more, please use my email in profile.

That you are able to discuss your situation and have asked for help is a very good thing. Well done for taking a big step. There are lots of options open in terms of support and getting help. First things first. Get an appointment with your GP. Tell them how you are feeling and the challenges you are facing. They are there to he!p. If it was a physical ailment, you would go there without hesitation. Some people think that when it comes to mental wellbeing, the game is different. It isn’t.

Have a good chat with your GP. If you don’t have a natural rapport with them, ask to see someone else in the practice until you find someone you can talk to. Anti depressants exist to help with your brain chemistry while talking therapies such as CBT can help with your approach to situations and how you react to them.

Good luck and please let us know how you get on. You aren’t alone and you are not the only one to experience these feelings. Feel free to e mail me (address in profile) if you want to talk off line.

Hope this helps and good on you for asking for help. ?

Thank you everyone for your thoughts – even the argument was entertaining 😀

1. Re MTFU – I’m not offended! But I’m posting tonight because MTFU isn’t quite enough at the moment.

2. I can’t really talk to anyone in work because I haven’t been there long, and [standard for me] I haven’t really built any trusting relationships with anyone. I’m not sure sitting a random Deputy Head down and telling them “the job you pay me to do is making me ill” is really going to help. In fact, it would probably increase my feelings of isolation.

3. There will come a time when I can afford to step off the treadmill and take a big pay cut, but I have two young kids, a mortgage and a car loan to pay, so not yet, unfortunately.

4. @mintimperial – you seem to understand my predicament and thank you for taking the time to type out that advice.

5. I don’t think I need to be signed off – I’m not that bad – but I will make a GP appointment tomorrow, to discuss antidepressants for the short term while I consider longer-term solutions.

Once again, thank you everybody.

As a teacher I can understand how you feel and that you cannot talk as my school is now run on fear.
I found the Teachers helpline 08000 562 561 helped me. Although It sounds like that your situation is more severe than mine.
I am trying to get out as will, but with similar commitments it can be difficult. I am trying to build up some private tuition and the just do supply to fill the gaps.
Your teaching story is all too common the job has just been made impossible with unrealistic expectations and impossible to reach target as well as worsening pay and conditions being pushed through by the academies.
I read on here once to view it as a job you do so you can do things that you love and not as a vocation. Sadly this is how I view teaching now.
Good luck

Have a chat with your line management

Unless you joined the prison service.

Stress isn’t allowed cos your’e supposed to be dead ‘hard’.

Even if you decide to get out of teaching, do NOT join the prison service,& that’s an order!
Hope all turns out well OP.

This sounds almost identical to my wife 12 months ago. Great teacher, felt the job was the problem, battered by anxiety and despression. She came astonishingly close to quitting the profession but didn’t and, with hindsight, that wa the right move.

She did 4 things that all helped in their own way:
Anti depressants. She was scared stiff of taking them but what they did was offer some clarity to work out what was going on. She’s still on them now, a low dose, but intends to get off them this spring.
CBT. This helped boost her self esteem and make her realise some very positive things another herself. It also gave her some exercises to help cope when things go badly.
Meditation. She uses Headspace, twice per day, once at night and once first thing and it makes her feel a lot better, the evening one really helps her sleep and relax in an evening.
Exercise. It was what she’s always done but she stopped for a while. She started just walking in the hills, then a bit of cycling then running and now she’s a beast in the gym. It has probably helped more than the other 3 but without them she would never have started to do it again.

1 year in, she feels 100 time better and is loving life, she has some low days but knows how to deal with them and that they don’t last forever. She’s still a teacher and arguably likes her job more than before.

I’m sure all of those things don’t work for everyone but they may help. Most importantly, it will pass.

Oh, and watch this, I like it as does she.

Thank you for that ridiculously useful and encouraging post. I’ll watch that video and look up Headspace. Give my regards to your wife, as her story has made me feel better about the future.

captainsasquatch:

Thank you. 🙂

I’ve been through the mill a lot due to anxiety and depression. It’s important to me that people know it’s different to ‘feeling fed up’.