another handwringy education thread

My oldest lad is nearly six, he’s the oldest in his class and has just finished reception class at the local primary..

He’s a very sensitive kid, pleasant, overshadowed by his outrageous younger brother, he enjoys his own company and has a vivid imagination and he’s very ahead academically..
His school suggested an assessment by an educational psychologist to discover if he may be on the autism spectrum to a degree that he may need special assistance..
It turns out that he’s far from autistic, just emotionally mature and having trouble bonding with other kid’s his own age..

His school seems well geared up to deal with this and are happy to work with him to help him to be happy and successful while he is with them.

I have half custody and get on well with his mum and stepfather, but they are talking about sending him to a private international school in the next town where they feel he may do better and have less chance of being bullied or distracted..

It seems like a no brainer but I look outside and see the kids hanging around on summer break, and wonder how it will effect him socially in a small town, to further distance him from the local kids with this change of schools..

Anyone got any thoughts and experiences?

yunki – I can understand your concern.

I think your concerns are real. My son went to a school in a town 6 miles away, instead of the the village school, so he doesn’t know anyone his age in the village.
Was it worth it for a ‘better’ school? We’ll never know. He still has school friends that he’ll keep in touch with, so he just missed out on nipping around to a mates house.

Is he being bullied though?

what rich and cinnnamon said.

A tough choice.

I have half custody and get on well with his mum and stepfather, but they are talking about sending him to a private international school in the next town w

Which means he’ll make friends with people from all over the world.
Bonus!

I would have thought this was an opportunity to have twice as many friends ? Neighbours kids and school friends ?

He’s not been bullied yet, he’s just got no mates at school.
He kinda bonded with a young lad (who’s a bit of a handful) for a bit recently but instantly started getting into trouble..

😕

I’m can see all the positives but I’m just having a massive attack of nerves I think

There’s no guarantee that he’ll have mates at the new school. Is he being overshadowed by his brother? I know that you’ve amused us with tales. 🙂

My daughter went to an international school for the last 5 years. There are some positives such as mixing with a diverse group of children. There are also a few negatives, the main one being that by the very nature of the school children come and go much more frequently than a ‘normal’ school. Each year approx half of the class would leave and be replaced. It makes it quite difficult to make long lasting friendships.

His little brother is confident, impulsive, reckless, demanding and very wilful..
They’re opposites basically, so giving them both the best attention I can possibly manage is a bloody massive struggle

The fact that he may still not settle at the new place is my strongest concern CG

I’m pretty sure that there’s no logical answer, and I may just have to pay my money and take my chance on this one.. waaaaaaaaaah 🙁

It’s good having kids with different personalities! Have you talked with him about this school? Are you being swayed by what his mum wants? What are the logistics of getting him there and back? What happens when his brother starts school?

It was difficult enough being the only boy in the street going to the Gammar, and that was at eleven.

I’m reading a little into this, however I don’t think the school is the issue. It appears your oldest has been most effected by the seperation/divorce, could his issue with making and maintaining meaningful friendships be linked to this. I would suggest he’s avoiding making friendships to minimise the risk of getting hurt or being rejected when unstable young friendships fail.

In short I don’t think the change of school will make any difference, if anything the international school with it’s ever changing cohort could make the issue worse and with it’s lack of stability hinder his ability to make and sustain friendships.

Hope this helps, please feel free to dismiss my views, only musing out loud.

Interesting point from mattongley, depends on the ages at time of the split, but if he’s mature for his age it is a distinct possibility

My eldest was also considered brighter and more mature than his peers when he started school. Had only one or two friends, rather a loner in some respects, but once we’d taken the worry out of it, he just wasn’t interested in the other kids who were mucking about. It’s evened out as his peer group have grown up, in all manners, though the cycle had a mini repeat at the start of his first year at secondary, taken him a while to find proper mates with similar outlook and interests.

He kinda bonded with a young lad (who’s a bit of a handful) for a bit recently but instantly started getting into trouble..

There’ll be troublemakers in all schools, just that the ones in international schools sometimes have diplomatic immunity!

I was academically ahead of my year group and won a scholarship to the private school in the town a few miles away and was put up a year as well.

As a consequence I didn’t have any friends in the village, I did come across them in the holidays but I didn’t really get on with them. As soon as I got to know them I started dreaming up schemes of getting into trouble.

Did it hold me back socially? Maybe, will never know. I wouldn’t worry too much though, I made a few mates within cycling distance and would make the effort to see them. They’re still close friends even though we’re not physically close anymore.

I’ve made a conscious effort to live in a catchment with a school with a good reputation so I ‘hopefully’ don’t have to have this worry and my kids (when they grow up) will have mates they can drop in on very close by.

I understand your concern, it doesn’t have to be forever, could be the making of him, if it doesn’t work, change tactics?

Hard to get all the story even with the detail you’ve given, but if its all about him having mates rather than because you have an issue with the educational standards of his current school, then I’m not seeing any guarantees that the new school will be better, and its possible he’ll find it even more difficult. If he’s emotionally mature, then why not wait and see if the other kids catch up with him – IME a lot changes in terms of social groupings at between reception and Y2. It doesn’t seem anything like a no brainer to me.

Thanks for all your input.

I’m going to talk it over more with his mum while we wait to see what the school’s scholarship offer is like..

It’s a mindboggling situation
I’m definitely being swayed by his mum’s ideas about the whole thing, but that’s because we tend to get on a lot better if she gets her own way.. That’s usually not a problem for me as I can be pretty philosophical about most day to day things and she’s not too demanding..

But this is pretty heavy though hey? One of life’s perpetually divisive issues and I’m really not getting anywhere towards settling my conflicting thoughts and feelings on the subject..

It might be one of those occasions where, rather than opposing it completely, you say it’s a good idea, but make a case for seeing how it goes after another year. Six is a very early age to be making any kind of conclusions about his ability to make friendships and thrive at school.

I’d hazard that changing schools midway through their tenure is going to be more disruptive to him both socially and scholastically than it would be to leave him where he is.

IANAParent.

martinhutch 100%

We had a similar dilemma – weather to private or stay in state school.
Our reasons were different though – the state primary was failing with terrible discipline and poor educational standards. I started a thread about it here
In the end we took the plunge and moved him to the private school. He has made new friends very quickly at the new school and as he still plays for the village football team and goes to the local cub pack he still see’s his old friends as well.
Educationally it is a different world – with only twelve in the class the teachers set the work at the right level.
Go to the school and have a good look round, you’ll soon get the feeling if it is right or wrong for your child.

Any harm in trying it?
If it’s shit and he doesn’t enjoy it then he goes back to comp and nothing lost?