My bloody allotment is being taken over!

I've got a tiny allotment on Godwin St that was once my grandfathers and whilst not particularly wonderful soil it is next to the water trough and it does me alright. The problem being when my grandfather became ill it was a little neglected and it wasn't as well kept as the others, we'd still tend to it but it wasn't tended to on a daily basis, since then I've been trying my best to get it up to the same standard as the others but to be honest I don't have the means and resources others do (sheds, tools etc). Now the neighboring plot is quite the opposite, its quite impressive even if I do (through clenched teeth) say so. The problem being my neighboring allotmenteer has taken to encroaching on my plot, he's an utter sanctimonious tosser and keeps moving his bloody rope out essentially he's trying to take over my pitch. I've tried talking to the council but it appears he's got friends there (he gives them veg) so they won't act in my defense, any suggestions?

Move the rope back, dig out whatever's in your soil and plant your own.

Or get some nettle seeds and scatter them.

Move the rope back to it's proper place and act a bit mental when he says something

Solid fence!

Shift the rope 2 feet into his territory.

Move his rope back?

Allotments will be a standard size, so surely it's just a case of measuring yours and measuring his. Any sane person will back down at that point, as the potential for a dirty tricks campaign on allotments isn't worth the aggro.

Both of you should be keen to not escalate things. It's far too easy for someone to nip round with some roundup and ruin someone's crops in the dead of night.

tried moving the rope, got accused of throwing stones from mine on to his and received a bloody letter from the council telling me to stop!

threaten him – no witnesses – calmly tell him if the rope moves again, the next time he sees it he'll be hanging from it.

MTFU and tell him

Have you actually spoken to him?

Tried talking, he won't listen and has basically said that he's got more right to be there than me!

He's obviously a complete mouth breather.

I'd go down the route of finding out the proper dimensions of a plot. You cannot argue with a tape measure.

pi$$ in his shoes
Punch him in the goolies
Own him with your bombers
kick his back doors in
Burn him as a witch
then burn his allotment
Bury his body under the water trough
use his skull for ceremonies apeasing the allotment gods and you shall have veg to make Solomon blush.

It's what he did.

Actually if he keeps on encroaching I'd speak to him person and advise him firmly that he wouldn't like it if you started taking his plot would he?

I most certainly wouldn't put salt etc down- thats just wrong and when hes plants etc start dying it'll escalate matters meaning you could be ejected.

If he still moves his borders after talking to – move his 2ft into his patch .

If hes older/elderly there isn't much more you can do. I was happily swimming at my local pool when a lad dived in and phyiscally shoved me out of the way. I spoke to the pool attendant who said 'yep we have lots of complaints about him, he sees that part of the pool as his and can get very upset' (he was circa 65).

What could I do? Nowt. It'd be a petty and pointless battle that he'd win.

speak to him, explain about your grandfather and why you keep it on. If that doesnt work wee in his shoes

Put a cat in his wheelie bin.

Inject his marrows with laxatives, that'll learn him…

Petrol strimmer?

build a small wall(with high powered electric fence to seperate your land from his! he sounds a reight plonker ! he pi%%ed with you cos you aint planting veg ! lol 😉 try growing some triffids !(the ones that walk and blind you) hahahha

Be careful, one of you may end up like this:

The first ten seconds . . .

Plant some hardy ganja plants in his plot.

Break into his shed, hide some chloroform, condoms, werthers originals and a balaklava in there. Then phone the council and say you've seen him take a lot of kids round to see his shed…

Rabbits!

Bury him under the allotment

Dig a tunnel and steal his plants from below, everything will look perfect from above ground yet when he comes to pulling his potatoes, nothing! And free paotatoes for you!

get their before he does, and just stand there staring in complete silence at him, do not talk, do not repsond to him, jsut keep moving the rope back and staring at him in complete silence until he gos home.

nothing more creepy than being stared at in complete silence by someone who you know you've p1ssed off!

(or use a solid fence installed in the night to the exact dimensions so no matter what.. he cant argue)

Just stand there staring at him whilst sharpening a mahoosive knife. Silence will help.

I had an allotment and experienced the same bitter twisted retarded mentality of the allotment mafia. They really are a bunch of selfish twisted bitter old gits.

I'd put a formal complaint into the council by letter and escalate up the council heirachy if it's not acted upon. I assume you pay rent for the plot so he is therefore stealing from you and it's simply not right. just because someone is old, does not give them the right to behave like this.

It's a shame, 'cos there are some lovely people have allotments, but they always seem to have some complete tossers as well who view it as their own private land

Clamore mines? Or my personal favourite- expose yourself to him.

Join a union,

tell the council/police he is discriminating against you because of your colour/sexuality, it seems to work for others,

What he palnts on your side is now yours as he is using your soil etc.

On a serious note

we'd still tend to it but it wasn't tended to on a daily basis, since then I've been trying my best to get it up to the same standard as the others but to be honest I don't have the means and resources others do (sheds, tools etc)

I think you are better off letting it go to someone who would treat it as a hobby/something to do in the day post-retirement than hang onto it purely because your Grandad had it.

Allotments are very popular and to hang onto one if your really not committed to it is unfair.

I'd say give it up.

someone tried this with ours. The council have plans, which show the boundaries of each allotment, as allotment are essentially council assets which they rent out like council houses. ask for a copy of the plans, get accurate measurements and re stake the ropes in accordance with the plans. Don't be rude or aggressive as they can kick you off for that. The plant something with wild seeding properties along the border and ruin his plot that way!

diesel or anti-freeze.

or a long chain with padlocks to lock in the allotment

Complain in writing to the council and the allotment commitee, take photos of the encroachment and generally be a pita, but as said above, give it up if you can't give it the time it needs

DOH!

Let him plant in your area but eat all the veg yourself 😆

Flamethrower his entire pitch.

Get me down there. I'll sort the bastard out. Time I've finished with him, he won't be able to look at a vegetable without crying….

draw smiley faces on every piece of fruit, veg and every flower in his allotment….. but not happy smileys… more of a:

😐

+1 cupra

Its your plot, whats' the problem.