I think green is the new red cos my neighbor has a Vauxhall Astra and asda is now selling aviation fuel…

Racist..

I find torquing it to fresh tomatoes is the most morally gripping Tony Hart.

My rash is spreading and no matter how many virgins i sacrifice it just doesn’t help.

There all round!

Your entitled to trim them if they overhang your side but legally you must return them to your neighbour.

That could’ve been a baby robin’s face!

I would leave her and never look back. You deserve better mate. Ride off into the sunset

Helmets should be mandatory on all exposed appendages, including knees, elbows and rear end

Two for one at Tesco’s

If the thread title is about going off topic, and all the following posts are gratuitously random, doesn’t that make them actually on-topic?

So I think this is the only actual off topic response on this thread.

Erm…

This is giving me a headache, I’m going to lie down for a bit.

I wouldnt have minded but the tiles are normally £32.40 a square metre from topps! talk about crap service…. 🙁

bobinogs for mayor

He said it was a carrot for Santa’s Reindeer, BUT I TOUCHED IT AND IT WASN’T!!! 😥

What tyres for a minicab on snow?

This is a challenge, isn’t it.

But once I managed to round the head of it off, all this fluid sprayed over my face and my eyes started burning.

With an aardvark?

Can i sue the postie for lazer attacking my eyeballs.

640b really brings the thread alive

I hear voices

I hear them all the time, sometimes it’s a man’s voice sometimes it’s a women or a child’s voice.

But when it’s quiet and there’s nobody else around talking I don’t hear voices.

Unless I switch the tele or radio on.

Wesley Snipes.

& then she said ‘not if you put in the front,’ Oh how we all laughed.

No, it stands for ‘nice and safe attitude’…

There is a beautiful lion in my back garden singing Ave Maria – oh now, he’s been shot. Who is that woman?

Gramophone.

Hatstand.

Petulla Clarke

This actually just reads like one of Chewkw’s normal posts

I’d have told her to check the batteries before she started.

I went off Topics years ago when they went up to 67 pence.

Gentlemen, we have 63 seconds to save the world and two minutes to save 26″ tyres

Is this going to kill me?

Happy Easter.

By investigating common conditions that increase the amount of substance that will dissolve or the speed of dissolving, I can relate my findings to the world around me.
SCN 2-16b

dot dot dash dot dot dash

No thanks Kevj I’m off them ! I win !

Cheers

Danny B

So while we’re on the subject of long distance, South African, cutlery based relationships….