Yorkshire joke

Clubbers in Yorkshire have taken to injecting ecstacy directly into their mouths. The process is known as E-by'gum.

A Yorkshireman would never "I'm just of to t'shop" cause their all to tight to spend any money. The "T" thing is Lancashire.

Is Yorkshire not in Lancashire? either that or it's part of Lancashire.

Aye lad, it's from Lancashire, where the generous and cheerful (in sharp contrast to their miserable and tight-fisted neighbours) populace can speak proper. How many Yorkshire comedians can you name? Exactly.

OK – heading across to the west of Lancashire

A man walks into a St Helens shop

"Hello I'd like to buy some turps"

"Certainly sir, would you like audio turps or video turps?"

Oh no its turning into a war of the roses!! Someone will be saying Tod is in Lancashire next!!!!

I'm from yorkshire and don't here t' often, but it almost always gets used with reference to the pub. I don't think I'd ever say anything other than "off t't'pub".

Oh, and lancashire's sheeeite.

And, while we're here, Halifax is just a satellite of Huddersfield, not a town in its own right.

Just to be pedantic, as you probably know, the War of the Roses was nothing to do with Lancashire and Yorkshire. However, us Lancastrians won. probably. Or would have if it had been a proper war.

You did kill alot of witches in Lancashire though, poor Alice Nutter.

"Hello I'd like to buy some turps"

"Certainly sir, would you like audio turps or video turps?"

Said it to myself about 10 time & don't get it, explanation please?

And if we're being pedantic Halifax = Minster Town, Huddersfield = Market Town. I think that calls for a ner ner ne ner ner 😛

I've calculated it based on a size/number of scallies/quality of night out basis 😉

Who said, 'From Hull, Hell and Halifax, good lord deliver me'?

You've got me on the witches. I'm from Pendle (albeit currently exiled in Cumbria), we do like a good witch hunt round there. Alice Nutter was asking for it, if you ask me. I'll bet she had a cat.

Halifax = Minster Town

Surely if it has a Minster it is a City? (Just like York is a City as it has a Minster but no Cathedral).

Thats from the Beggars Litany by John Taylor, praise be to wikipedia!!!

Said it to myself about 10 time & don't get it, explanation please?

Tapes 🙂

Everything no one ever wanted to know about Halifax!

Happyfax

God, are we still going!? 🙂

Don't you dare insult HappyFlaps, it's a great town! 🙂

The Dalesmans Litany, FW Moorman

It's hard when fowks can't finnd their wark
Wheer they've bin bred an' born;
I were young I awlus thowt
I'd bide 'mong t' roots an' corn.
I've bin forced to work i' towns,
So here's my litany:
Frae Hull, an' Halifax, an' Hell,
Gooid Lord, deliver me!

When I were courtin' Mary Ann,
T' owd squire, he says one day:
“I've got no bield1 for wedded fowks;
Choose, wilt ta wed or stay?”
I couldn't gie up t' lass I loved,
To t' town we had to flee:
Frae Hull, an' Halifax, an' Hell,
Gooid Lord, deliver me!

I've wrowt i' Leeds an' Huthersfel',
An' addled honest brass;
I' Bradforth, Keighley, Rotherham,
I've kept my barns an' lass.
I've travelled all three Ridin's round,
And once I went to sea:
Frae forges, mills, an' coalin' boats,
Gooid Lord, deliver me!

I've walked at neet through Sheffield loans,
'T were same as bein' i' Hell:
Furnaces thrast out tongues o' fire,
An' roared like t' wind on t' fell.
I've sammed up coals i' Barnsley pits,
Wi' muck up to my knee:
Frae Sheffield, Barnsley, Rotherham,
Gooid Lord, deliver me!

I've seen grey fog creep ower Leeds Brig
As thick as bastile soup;
I've lived wheer fowks were stowed away
Like rabbits in a coop.
I've watched snow float down Bradforth Beck
As black as ebiny:
Frae Hunslet, Holbeck, Wibsey Slack,
Gooid Lord, deliver me!

But now, when all wer childer's fligged,
To t' coontry we've coom back.
There's fotty mile o' heathery moor
Twix' us an' t' coal-pit slack.
And when I sit ower t' fire at neet,
I laugh an' shout wi' glee:
Frae Bradforth, Leeds, an Huthersfel',
Frae Hull, an' Halifax, an' Hell,
T' gooid Lord's delivered me!

BARNSLEY LAD!

The Doog – Member

Oh no its turning into a war of the roses!! Someone will be saying Tod is in Lancashire next!!!!

You;re not bloody dumping it on us, it's a Yorskhire town, you can have it

Yep, they can have it. We'll have our Lake District territories back at the same time. And Manchester. Not sure about Liverpool, though.

Here in the south of course, we simply observe your charming rural eccentricities and clog-wearing banter with fond amusement of the sort one might feel for one's forelock-tugging little servants…

In the same way we observe your metropolitan eccentricities Mr W…. 😀

Yorkshire couple go on holiday to Benidorm. They pack all the Sunday dinner ingredient too as they cannot do without their beloved Yorkshire Pudding and gravy. To their horror whilst unpacking, the wife notices they have forgotten to pack the gravy granules.

“ Ere love, go next door and ask that English couple if they’ve got any Bisto granules with them” says the wife.

So off he pops next door and asks:

“Ast tha got any bisto? “ asks the Yorkshireman

“p1ss off you bl00dy Spaniard” replies the English bloke…….

Ere love, go next door and ask that English couple if they’ve got any Bisto granules with them

The wife didn't sound very Yorkshire.

The "T" thing is Lancashire.

We use it a lot in Nottinghamshire too, well at least the common end where I'm from – Sutton in Ashfield. 😀

Sutton in Ashfield makes Pendle look like Knightsbridge. (this could become a good 'insult everyone else's place of birth' thread)

I used to date a Nottinghamshire lass and goaded her regularly on her accent or lack of, i described it as a news reader accent i.e no discernable tones or inflections to suggest where they're from!!!

Could be worse. We could be from Stook! (Stoke for the less well travelled) Now that's a shocking accent. Works by speaking but not actually opening your mouth.

Love from Bedrock (Born in Brum, Halifax for life)

examples of the 't' thing – as i've learned to interpret them…

as off t' pub = i'm going to the pub

its in '' fridge (the t is there, but silent) = it's in the fridge.

(a midlander, of scottish, yorkshire, west country ancestors)

as off t' pub = i'm going to the pub

its in '' fridge (the t is there, but silent) = it's in the fridge.

These are the same. Using your " symbol for the silent glottal stop (tiny pause) they are each

– I'm off to " pub

– It's in " fridge

Sod taking the pi$$ out of the Irish, taking the mick out of a Yorkshireman is far funnier. Such as this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo