I’m sorry but the word hedonistic cannot be deployed in relation to anything purchased from Marks and Spencer. What you’ve done there is taken something potentially filthy, and sanitised it. Its in a pastry casing? Exactly the problem, I’m afraid. It should be in a barm cake*, covered in ketchup.
When you’re eating that, you’re unlikely to experience that feeling of a combination of grease and ketchup running down your chin. And you’re unlikely to look ashamed if the vicar calls and finds you in a clinch with it. So therefore it fails on every score
You’re names now in the book. You’re off to Hora’s re-education camp with Harry now too.
* other regional variations of this product name are available, though decidedly wrong. Don’t bother arguing. You’re wrong. Just accept it