What toilet paper

\shirley bassey voice
GOLLLLDDDDFIIINNNGERRRRR should have used some thicker toilet paper
/shirley bassey voice

I’m falling between two stools on the idea of a bidet

If it was good enough for bears when they first made it before the name change it’s got to be Cushelle! Andrex produces too much dust, any other and there is always a risk of shit finger interface problem plus it don’t make my piles sore 😆

The absolute cheapest. And a roll of posh stuff in the cupboard for when girls come round.

Puppies

I lived in rural India for 3 years; left hand and water. Paper just feels filthy now. When I was a kid staying with locals in the Balearics if you were caught short it was a nice stone! Works but I never liked it much.
At work they get cashmere paper from waitrose! What a waste of money.

Ah yes, that QI episode!

http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Gargantua/Chapter_XIII

I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains.