What the flipping heck are these??

Friday morning ID challenge. I have a large Stags Horn fern in my bathroom. Small flat elliptical ‘things’ keep appearing on the fronds – I assume parasites. They are well attached but can be rubbed off intact or washed and rubbed off.
I put the feckers under the microscope. Difficult to photo but attached are with my phone – the large one is the thing itself, but I was surprised to also find small alien face sucker type critters too, which I assume are somehow part of the organism.
So…? The large part is the pulsating egg thingy and the scary things are at some point going to attach to my face and do an Ellen Ripley on me…??
Images are from 10x objective lens.
By the way it ain’t a spider even though it looks a bit like one. Doesn’t really have any sort of body.

Nuke it from orbit #onlywaytobesure 👍

Last Of Us prequel?

Doesn’t really have any sort of body.

You are now the body #prayforandy

Sometime ago, when I suspect petrol and swarfega were chemically a bit less pleasant my dad showed me that you could mix them together and combine them with out of date lifeboat flares to make a reasonable napalm substitute. Have you got any petrol, swarfega and old lifeboat flares.

I’m going to guess at Scale Insect and Spider Mite – both common houseplant pests. I’ve never seen photos of them under a microscope though, so who knows.

It’s a sign that the plant is stressed. Ferns generally like to be damp, so consider misting with water regularly. An application of liquid feed may help. Also, replacing the top layer of soil/compost is a good idea.

It’s a sign that the plant is stressed/under pressure.

The rutting season must surely be stressful for a staghorn fern, although that’s not for a while.

The fern is growing very well and is in a bathroom and regularly misted. Not that I’m saying it isn’t stressed. Millennial anxiety affects plants too…

Scale insect is a good call – thanks. Looks like I need a horticultural oil, whatever that is. Not sure about the spider mites though – they don’t look as much like alien face suckers as this one does!

I googled Spider Mite eggs. And now I’m all itchy

https://bugguide.net/index.php?q=search&keys=spider+mite+eggs&search=Search

Got a photo of the “things” in situ?
Sure it’s not just the reproductive babies (technically speaking) of the fern?

Googling it pretty sure they are scale rather than spores.

I’m ok with most sorts of insect/arachnid that get into the house, impossible to avoid in the warmer months ’cos I have windows open. Unfortunately, that’s led to having Steotoda Nobilis in the house, and I’m not happy about that.

And before anyone says they’re not that harmful, a work colleague spent five days in hospital on an antibiotic drip after a bite from one ulcerated and in a photo he showed me you could see his finger bone in the wound. 🤢

I have several wall sconces outside that have plants in during spring and summer, I took one off yesterday and there was a Steotoda on the back with a body the size of my fingernail! That got evicted pretty quickly.
I’ve read that Brown Recluse Spiders have been found in the U.K. now, which really does bother me.

Scale inset is the top one. Nasty critters, literally suck the life out of a plant. You can get spray for them, do it. It’s a houseplant, won’t harm the eco system.

And before anyone says they’re not that harmful, a work colleague spent five days in hospital on an antibiotic drip after a bite from one ulcerated and in a photo he showed me you could see his finger bone in the wound. 🤢

I was bit by one on the foot. Couldn’t wear shoes for 2-3 days, hobbled around for a week.

I have since eradicated them with multiple smoke bombs.