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the greatape's thread reminded me of a incident when i was much younger.
this old fella down the road from us was a right horrible old pisshead.
his house backed onto a small park where most of the kids from our road played.
he would do nasty things like pop our football's if they accidentally ended up in his garden, or if we were all making too much noise he'd bring his horrible dog into the park and chase us away.
Anyway, he once shoved my mate into a load of stinging nettles just for bouncing his football on the ground whilst walking past his house while he was trying to sleep of his liquid lunch in his garden. this was the final straw for us, so we decided to get our own back.
knowing that he always got home late from the pub we went round and filled his front door keyhole with glue. we were only pissing about and just wanted to piss him off as much as he did us, but he couldn't get in as he didn't keep a back door key on him and apparently being pissed up he tried climbing through a window, fell and broke his ankle.
he ended up in hospital for weeks.
Coming on here 🙄
Broke a friends arm when we were both around 15.
Happened after a couple of ciders during a bit of wrestling muck about fighting, I fell on his arm and heard a very loud snap and scream. He stood up and the middle of the forearm was at 90 degrees 😯 he has two metal plates in his arm now...
when i was 12, i peed in a syring, injected the pee into a orange, and gave the orange to my stepbrother..............
and to this day i do not regret doing it. 8)
Adultery...
Just say no, kids.
married someone
Broke my mates leg by accident, he's still having complications from it some 20yrs later!
Dared a mate to stand in front of a dart board and missed the board and hit him in the eye,Lucky for him it stuck in his eyelid 😳
Tried passing a kidney stone yesterday. My ****ing god that was pain beyond belief, dropped me into crying swearing ball on the floor. Never again do I want that but seems I'm cursed to get it every now and then.
Oh crikey there are a lot of things I really regret... The time I overtook a car on a blind bend at night, the time I inadvertently caused a road rage incident (the chap behind me had no tax or insurance and was tailgating me. I braked, he overtook in a rage and slammed into a young mother's car - thankfully she was alright) and worst of all was when I voted Labour in 1997.
For that horrible misdemeanour I am truly and sincerely sorry.
grizzer that made me laugh
I would be too 😳
Done a lot of other things that looking back I'm really not proud of, most attrbuted to working in an environment full of social misfits.
Did'nt me at the time jelly tit's,shat myself,thought had blinded him,can laugh now though! 😀
[i]Drac - MemberTried passing a kidney stone yesterday. My **** god that was pain beyond belief, dropped me into crying swearing ball on the floor. Never again do I want that but seems I'm cursed to get it every now and then.[/i]
Been there got the Tee Shirt!!
the pain is indescribable isn't it! Talking to a nurse while having a Ketamine injection while passing one she had 5 kids and said [i]"Give me childbirth any day over a kidney stone"[/i]
Keep well hydrated folks
Caused the death of an elderly neighbour 😳
Caused the death of an elderly neighbour
tell us more
Alcohol. BIG mistake.
Urinated on my cousin as a kid because he was pissing me off by talking shite non-stop. 😆
Back when I was a teenager whilst parking my motorbike up next to a friends immaculate RD350LC I got my trousers caught on my footpeg. I toppled over & my brake lever was first point of contact into the petrol tank of his bike. Huge dent in his pride & joy 🙁
It doesn't sound so bad but I felt an absolute sh*t as I know how much it meant to him..
Managed to kill a pet bunny by throwing a potato at it, unbelievable normally I throw like a girl and couldnt hit a barn door.
The ex-mother-in-law
>The ex-mother-in-law
😯
Stormed noisily past a long funeral cortege after courteously following it slowly for about 10 miles coz i was late for work. Only my plan failed and i had to pull in behind the hearse! 😯 😕 😳
In physical terms; catheter removal was not at-all pleasant, (thank god I was 'under' when they put it in!)
In moral terms; get back to you in a few hours...
Drugs. Cost me my marriage.
Diane!! we hate people like you!!! The worst are the ones oblivious and stay there for 4 miles.
I was on one funeral when a car cut inbetween so when he eventually overtook I made the Oblitagory hand gesture to let him know how much he likes masterbating. Didn't think anything more of it until we got the the Crem and the Priest following in his own car from Church came and aploogised for getting in the way... 😳
Edit: this is def not the worst thing i've done!!!
Cripes, half of you should be locked up.
Revenge attacks aside (I had an issue with people 'getting the better of me' when I was younger, still do a little bit - but they all deserved what they got), I can't think of anything terribly bad that I've done. I've treated a few girls fairly poorly in the past. And I once threw a stone at our dog because he wouldn't come back after about an hour of trying to get him back in the house. Similar to Pigface, I never expected to actually hit him but it did, right on the arse. I felt seriously guilty about that every time he looked at me for months afterwards.
To myself - hmmmm, beleived someone when they said they loved me (oh, the pain.....).
To others - we'd better not go there.....
To anything else - I drowned a hedgehog once just to see how long it would take
😯 S**** are you now a serial killer? that is a pretty low thing to do.
The guilt that won't leave is having cheated on my girlfriend, who then became my wife. Even now, having been divorced for 9 years, I can't forgive myself.
[i]the pain is indescribable isn't it! Talking to a nurse while having a Ketamine injection while passing one she had 5 kids and said "Give me childbirth any day over a kidney stone"[/i]
It was just unbelievable, I have a good pain threshold but that pain there was no hope. Yeah people I've picked up from work say that too, "I've had kids but this is far worse." the Nurse told the Mrs that too when we were leaving the Hospital. So the old "Oh you have no idea what pain is.." from the Mrs is now not allowed.
S**** are you now a serial killer?
No, but I am looking for a new job in 2010.......
I was raised in the countryside - a morbid fascination with animals was the norm.
I can't say.
Arrested
Drugs (never caught for anything, just did it to excess, a lot of the time)
Drink (as above)
Dangerous Driving
ABH x2
GBH
Appearances in court
And a few other things.
Not proud, just makes me, me.
jt
[i]I drowned a hedgehog once just to see how long it would take [/i]
I'll see your drowned hedgehog and raise you a microwaved mouse 😈
I'll see your drowned hedgehog and raise you a microwaved mouse
OK, so we used to fish in a canal near a railway line. Anything small got put on the rails for the next train.
Eels go great.....
Crikey, and I used to think that taking pot shots at the birds on my mum's bird table with an air rifle was low...
pomona - MemberThe ex-mother-in-law
Did you kill her or shag her? I'm not actually sure which is worse...
marrying wife No. 1 was probably one of the worse things I've done - not big or clever (that's me btw not wife No.1) 🙂
I wanted terrapins, my mum said i could only have them when the fish died. low and behold the next day the fish were dead, and the tank smelt of bleach.
Cheated on an ex (when I was 16) when she was in hospital with appendicitis.
Gave my mate's cat LSD
Gave my mate's cat LSD
Oh dear
[i]Gave my mate's cat LSD [/i]
this is about the worst things you've ever done, not the best.
this thread is coming along nicely
Fell in Love with the wrong woman.
[i]Fell in Love with the wrong woman. [/i]
only once ?
Following that whole monkey shooting business a few months ago....
... I was the assistant manager on a Zimbabwean farm (I was born there, innit!)- my opposite number from the neighbouring farm and I would sometimes go up into the rocks and snipe monkeys from miles away with a 303 or a 762.
The excuse was that they used to raid our Maize, so we'd make an imaginary line and snipe them when they crossed. They soon learnt. The labourers liked eating them.
Another method.
Obtain a thin necked Vase; fill with salt.
Tie to tree-trunk within range of monkeys.
Scout monkeys find salt.
Alpha male chases scouts and keeps salt to himself.
Approach Alpha with can of silver paint. (at which point alpha male won't be able to get his hand out of the vase and the others scarper; stupid animals)
Paint Alpha male silver and cut loose.
Alpha male will run toward pack, who will shout that a silver monster is chasing them, which will make him run and so-on.
Effective monkey dispersal techniques.
who will shout that a silver monster is chasing them
Awesome 😆
Adultery...Just say no, [b]kids.[/b]
There's a word for that and it AINT adultery.. 😕
I told my eleven year old mate in one sentence that there was no Santa, no tooth fairy, and his teddys definitely did not come alive at night
I still remeber the sound of his heart breaking!
In my defence he should have known by age 11 ffs
Not the worst thing though, as that would turn into a written confession...
enfht - MemberAdultery...
Just say no, kids.
There's a word for that and it AINT adultery..
Just say "No kids"
😆
I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.
Told a small child the ice cream man only rings his bell when he is out of ice cream.
we've a housemate from hell. he would never buy toothpatse and always use other people's. i filled an old tube with mustard once. that was funny.
tying my mates shoe laces to a chair whilst he was passed out stoned. he woke up in the dark, stumbled and knocked his front teeth out.
mate and i found a dead fox one evening and thought it'd be funny to shove a pole up its arse and stand the pole outside another 'friend's' house. we were about 14 at the time. very funny though.
on a heavier note:
never thanked or paid back various people i've met over the years - mostly whilst travelling.
promising my Granddad I'd do something for him then never doing it before he passed away.
Smacked someone in the face with an oak table leg!!! Knocked him out and gave him 4 stiches!! Still feel really guilty about it today!
as a 13 year old, i did not want to go in to school for a test i was going to fail, so slammed front door crept upstairs and lay on bed waiting for my mum to go to work, but this day she brought the clean clothes upstairs before going to work, i could hear her coming along the landing and new i was in trouble, just as she entered my room i lay on the floor she let out a almighty scream, and i said i had fallen over and hit my head, but no bruse and no cuts and mark to my head made her think i had fainted,
she called my dad home from work and i was taken to hospital for a full brain scan,a rectal exam, blood works the whole nine yards, even got kept in for the night for observations as my aunt was a sister in the hospital and my mother was panicking
did not dare tell them i was just bunking off!!
Knocked down the door and threaten the guy to leave my girlfriend (guy was trying to feel her up at work) alone-he wimpered please don't hurt me and cried like a baby as I threatened to kill him. I left him and drove home...
Thing is, I went to the wrong house/street. Slaps own face...
😈
i was taken to hospital for a.......... rectal exam
Is that standard procedure when you pass out then ?
Well that might help to explain why after passing out at [i]that[/i] party, I came round to find my underpants on back to front, and a rather sore ar5e.
Always did wonder .........
I once nicked a lads sandwiches while he was having an epileptic fit.
To be fair, he wasnt eating them.
that wasn't the same epileptic lad that came to the swimming pool I was working at, and when he started fitting I threw in my washing was it?
Me + Ex Bosses Wife = Divorce.
Not my proudest moment.
Fired a rather large firework at a house .
Went in through the bathroom window , someone was in it. Trumpton , Po Po etc. Made the papers , Im not proud.
[i]Gave my mate's cat LSD [/i]
good work. Poured an entire bottle of gin into my housemate's fishtank at uni. The fishes behaviour was quite funny until they all died.
Stole a JCB
Best not ellaborate
Arrested for B and E .
Dad waiting in the Police station for Duty Solicitor, all had words whilst I was in the cells .
Turned out OK in the end , we went to the pub to celebrate.
believe what a man tells me! 😆
In my Green days....GPMG + Sheep + no way to be identified.........not my proudest moment. although from what we pieced together, it was quick as it gets.
recently, got stiffed by a builder who took 10K of kit for his own new build house. refused to pay for the kit claiming a 5yr old disputed invoice as a reason not to pay for an air source heat pump + sundries. went round, no one moved in to the new house yet, squirted a whole 'jumbo' can of expanding foam into the working parts of the ASHP. actually quite proud of that one 🙂
told a mate who wasn't a cyclist to come belting down a hill and slam the front brake on in front of us 5 drunks at 1am. broken cheek, chipped elbow, smashed glasses, chipped tooth. cheltenham A&E didn't believe him, assumed he'd been scrapping. he was there 6 hours. his wife was very pleased about it all. he was an accountant tho'
As a lad I was once trying to impress a girl in a youth club disco wearing a white pair of 501s. Farted and followed though.
As a 15 year old me and a mate made some ANFO (fertiliser and diesel) explosive, stole half a dozen car batteries and various other bits to make it go bang. Used it to blow up the green house of a miserable old git up the road who took exception to our playing of football and various other games in the street. Seems quadrupling the amounts used in our initial experiments wasnt very wise, as we not only destroyed the green house, but blew in all the windows on the back of his house along with half of the next door neighbours windows. I think we were lucky not to kill anyone.
Not learning from the bo11ocking from the police (an over night in the cells plus full days questioning) and both sets of parents, we went on to putting camping gaz canisters into bales of hay on a mates farm and then set the bales alight. Managed to put one lad in hospital with second degree burns over almost half his body.
The list of what would now be considered rather serious delinquent behaviour went on for some time, untill a couple of us discovered rock climbing which seemed to channel all the teenage horrid little sh1t delinquent behaviour into the scaring ourselves silly climbing.
Dropped some LSD in a bottle of milk at a mates house,he had the milk on his cornflakes in the morning,he went to work on a roof 3 storys up, freaked out,it took 4hrs and a call to the Fire Brigade to get him down! 😈
threw up in a plastic bag on my stag do and then put it on some blokes head by asking him to bow slightly, pulled the bag on by its handles then slapped his head.
🙂
believe what a man tells me!
You're dead right there aleigh 🙄
I saw someone being knocked down, then walked past. This was 20 years ago and I regret it to this day.
I also dumped someone mid-coitus, I stopped before I finished and realised it just wasn't working (in more ways than one).
Done so many bad things looking back. Luckily not all were widely known. But one or two incidents still refuse to go too far away.
Copied my primary school friends symptoms as it seemed to get him a lot of time off school. Turned out to be a bad idea as apparently complaining about tightness while peeing means they cut your knob about!
I was only four or so but remember to this day been sat on the toilet and a nurse saying "if you don't go in five minutes you have to stay in" I was forced to wee...like razorblades.
Cant tell im still wanted for it