Things you only do once in cycling…

Of course, gloves and shoes as well.

Put 3in1 on your side-pull brake pads on your BMX because they were squealing, then go to the top of a steep hill, give your mate a backy and then head off down the hill.

In my defence I was 8 and thankfully we only ended up launching into stinging nettle bushes.

Drive 80 miles to do the high street , pay for parking then notice I have no chain on my bike

Believe Lowey when he says he wont post it on the forum

Ride no handed and no footed to impress my kids. the second I let go with all limbs i knew i would crash but got about 15 metres – they thought i did it on purpose to amuse them

Leave any maps behind because your girlfriend insists she can remember the Quantocks from the last time she was there. Even though as it turns out she’s remembering a ride on Exmoor and hasn’t been to the Quantocks. And even after that’s been established still keeps saying “I think I remember this bit, it’s this way”.

Carry a suit carrier (with suit inside) on the handlebars.

Quickly snags in the front wheel/fork, locks up solid, sending you over the bars, and snaps the carbon fork!

With the bike on its side, oil your chain and squirt the oil all over the read disc and calliper

Believe you mates when they say “it’s fine” at an exit point on “the canyon” in Les Gets only to find that no, it’s not fine and then find out they didn’t ride the bit they beckoned you down. Twunts.

Stop off at Laggan Wolftrax as a start to my stag weekend. And forget my SPD shoes… (nice people in the bike shop there at the time lent me a pair of knackered flat pedals to get around. which was nice.)

Leave helmet on top of car and drive all the way home and only notice when unpacking.

Ride the Corrieyairack in the rain

Buy Eggbeaters.

I dunno, most people running them end up with several sets 😉

Buy Eggbeaters.

I dunno, most people running them end up with several sets [/quote]

I must have the only set of Eggbeaters (original, stainless) that are good. I’ve had mine 18mths, regreased 1 side recently and they were cast offs from my brother who had them on his CX bike for years and he never touched them. Now i’ve probably jinxed it.

This thread is actually making me lol 😆

When riding your bike don’t think “oh my front tyre looks a bit flat” and try to give it a squeeze..

From my 8 year old – don’t take your camelbak off and hang it on your handlebars with the hose dangling towards your wheel…

Start a thread suggesting the Orange Five is less than perfect.

try to change the seat height of your QR seat post while riding

I had nearly mastered this before I got a dropper post. Certainly dropping it was no problem, getting it back tothe right height took more practise.

Pull your pump off your back wheel to fast cutting knuckle open on gears ending in finger fusion

I have actually tried the arms crossed one… twice!

I can confirm it doesn’t become a better Idea

Utter the fateful words “just one more run” because that’s when it always goes horribly wrong. Also giving your brake levers a good squeeze first time you changed the pads on your first pair of hydraulics ‘ to see how they worked’

“just one more run”

I always say just two more for that exact reason!

Get distracted while servicing a rear disc brake, forgetting to reinstall the split pin that holds the pads in. Trying to find said brake pads after their leap to freedom on the side of a dark cycle path was equally something I won’t be bothering with again.

monks trod

Tail-whipping your BMX a bit too close to the curb, then spectacularly binning it, and stabbing the brake lever into your thigh.

Then going to hospital, explaining you did it by falling off a BMX at 27 years old, which results in the miserable doctor having no sympathy for you, and stitching you up without an anaesthetic.

Peruse page 3 of a well known newspaper while cycling towards an unseen parked car on my paper round.

Peruse page 3 of a well known newspaper while cycling towards an unseen parked car on my paper round.

Ha ha ha, than f££k it was not just me that did that as a yoof 😀

Subscribe to MBR 😕

Go on a once in a lifetime bike holiday

After removing the disc and cable tying it inside the wheel for a flight, cutting the cable ties to refit the disc again…. as well as cutting the spokes its cable tied to…

Great way to start a bike holiday…

Not me, but I have heard of someone mixing up their Chamois Cream with deep heat!

Run you finger through the gap between the cage and chainring as your spinning the peddles to lube the chain and your hand slips.
Still makes me wince thinking about it and the resulting ring shape cut through my nail.

Forget to tighten the pad retaining bolt on your front caliper and end up in the scenery.

Ride with extreme fatigue and in a daze grab the front brake to cut speed when going downhill.

Ride your rear brake only jump bike with a hangover and a bottle of coke in your left hand.

Ride an 80s gravel BMX track without knee pads… I still have very visible scars on my left knee nearly 20 years later 🙁 The stupid thing is I was old enough to know better at the time!

Ride along standing on the saddle and then think “I bet I can take my hands off the bars as well…”.

Turns out you can’t. In my defence I was about 8.

Try to bunny hop a drain without first checking that your front wheel is properly attached 🙁

Ride over shap fell

Jump 6 people on a grifter

Be the 6th person being jumped

Put slide in brake pads the wrong way round on a road bike….in the alps

Leave your brand new mountain bike unlocked outside a pub in Cambridge to look for your mate

I remember learning to ride standing up when I was a nipper. Once stood up I realised I could push and pull with my arms, moving the bike from side to side under me, like you do when sprinting. This movement became more and more exaggerated as I sprinted standing for the first time, until I found the coefficient of friction between 16inch tyres and hard packed gravel.
I still remember the shock at the speed of transition between being king of the world and being on my arse, tangled in tubes. I’ve truly never repeated that method of crashing, but the hero to zero feeling has struck me few times since that day.

Driving for an hour to Swinley forest and realising you didn’t bring any money for parking.

Fortunately I had a big collection of tickets in the door pocket of my car. Put one from the same date the previous month in my window. Success 🙂

A few weeks later I was 20min late getting back to the car and had a parking ticket. Not so lucky 🙁

Ride over shap fell

What’s wrong with Shap ?

Never lean on them new style Keep Left bollards when clipped in at lights, yep they are spring loaded so they go under Vehicles that hit them.

Clean your BMX and forget to tighten the front wheel up.

Pull a wheelie on said BMX with Mate stood on rear stunt pegs.

Leave your brand new mountain bike unlocked outside a pub in Cambridge to look for your mate

On a variation of this, never lock up your bike to something less stronger than the D-Lock locking it!

Ride across a reservoir spillway which has 6 inches of ice cold water flowing across it despite there being signs which say don’t cross when wet.

Was on the floor before I knew I was going down and by the end of that ride I was the coldest I’ve ever been on a bike.

Forget that rental bikes in other countries have the brakes the wrong way round.
Forget that they drive on the other side of the road in other countries. Even on really fast quiet mountain descents with lots of hairpin turns

@neilthewheel. I stopped after reading ‘riding a tandem’… WTF!

Test your bike is together properly by doing some quick turns in succession in the motel car park just before you leave to go on a guided tour in the Brian Head mountains Utah washing out your front wheel, slamming down and end up dislocating your left index finger necessitating a lift to the ER (and requiring $10k worth of operation to reseat…)

Forget you have a mate’s bike on the roof of the car, and go under a limited height barrier.

Watched my mate do this (to his own bike though). Did £1100 worth damage to his Audi roof ripping off the roof rack…. Ouch!