Things you only do once in cycling…

Try driving in carbon soled SPD shoes “because it’s only a few miles back home, I’ll get changed when I get back”. You don’t have much control!

the Lairig Ghru

Try to pull something out of your spokes or adjust your front brake at high speed. Black fingernails from both of those – I got away very lightly.

Ride through a partially decomposed sheep at speed because there wasn’t enough time for your brain to compute what the odd looking lump was.

Sheep hopping used to be a favourite pastime when me and my mates were kicking around Geltsdale as callow youths. The consequences of a mistimed bunnyhop at 20mph landing you in a 6 week dead ewe were something to behold.

Drive to Cornwall to meet your riding buddies you havent seen for almost a year for a weekend of riding and BBQ…but leave your rear wheel in the kitchen at home 😥

Unexplainedly but entirely on purpose stick your finger in a spinning rotor. Ouch.

Undo the waist strap on a courier bag whilst no handed, resulting in a jammed rear wheel no hands on the bars but feet clipped in.

Attemp to change down a gear whilst mashing up a sharp hill off road, who’d have thought you could otb going uphill!

Try and gift-wrap a mountain bike.

ohh, another one…

Go riding in sub zero conditions, at night, without tights and finding that the reason your shins feel a bit funny is because they have a nice thin layer of ice on them from all the splashback freezing to them.

Ride a set of jumps without checking local scrotes haven’t put cinder blocks on the last landing. 2 broken ribs.

Things local scrotes will only do once –
Sit on a landing watching a train of riders come towards them and think we will stop.

Things fruitbooters will only do once –
Sit on the top of a quarter pipe with legs dangling over the coping

Another one – try and take a long sleeved top off over your head whilst riding along a road and have it get stuck around your arms – riding blind, no handed and no way to stop or steer is a bit panicky.

ride on flats with bare feet when pissed 🙂

I’ve done around 60% of these!

Never try to steer a BMX using the front stunt pegs.

Buy a road bike thinking it might be ‘fun’

Let someone else “tighten” your BMX headset before heading off to the jumps 👿

Turn up to a sponsors photo shoot with no helmet.
Bunnyhop a low bit of barb wire. I have a massive scar across my calf as a reminder.
Assume pheasants will move.
Ride through road puddles at speed only to find out after picking myself out of the ditch that it hid a giant pot hole.
Not carry a spare tube when you’re on the way to a very hot date (for you younger lads, take note ). The one that got away.
White Lycra shorts.
Conti vapour.
Riding too ragged on your own in the woods and knock yourself out.
Start a fettle knowing you either don’t have time for doing a good job or the right tool.
Ride off road at night on acid with no lights.

On a grey day with a murky river in the background, believe that the gap you think you can see in the barbed wire fence is real. much claret from the fingers and backs of hands from that one. The nice lady behind the counter in Boots where I went to buy elastoplasts told me her husband did the same the week before!

Ride a very wet, muddy and steep MTB race using Look roadie pedals and shoes because you don’t have the money for SPDs. Couldn’t clip back in and no grip for the unrideable bits.

A friend of mine would like to add “never check the slack on your BMX’s chain with your fingers while riding it up a kerb”.

Bye bye index and middle finger tips!

Not treat the wet leaves/leaf mulch with the respect it deserves, turns out at 42 I still bounce quite well 😀

neilwheel – Member

Try to ride with you hands on the opposite ends of the bars.

…thanks, I’m now tempted to try this on the way home this evening 🙂

never check the slack on your BMX’s chain with your fingers while riding it up a kerb

Done similar but on the workstand. Fortunately turning the pedals slowly, so not enough momentum to pull the finger in / cut the tip off, just enough to REALLY **** HURT!!

My usual one is smacking knuckles, fingers, wrists against chainrings when loosening a tight pedal.

Make sure the chain is on the ring (or the biggest ring if you have a 2x or 3x chainset). It’ll still hurt, but at least you won’t be smacking your hand against an oily death star.

Keider 100.

run and jump on the bike when your tecticles are under your undercarriage and squashing between gouch and saddle. Resulting in the sorest squashed balls ever.

run and jump on the bike when your tecticles are under your undercarriage and squashing between gouch and saddle. Resulting in the sorest squashed balls ever.

Reminds me of a mate (wearing baggies) on a steep descent, sat on the back wheel, tackle got dragged into between the arms of the vee brakes.

Never mind him, I practically turned green watching it happen!

Setting out on an 80 mile sportive without checking you put your cassette back on properly after cleaning, and didn’t leave a cog lying unseen in the bottom of a murky tub of white spirit.

Forget you have a mate’s bike on the roof of the car, and go under a limited height barrier.

Sorry Dave 😳

Replace slide-in brake blocks on road bike and put left side holder on right hand side and vice-versa.

Drive through a height restriction with bikes on the roof

Trust an old ally frame that’s been powdercoated.

Go thru a huge puddle at 20mph+ on your way to work without a spare pair of shoes.

Replace slide-in brake blocks on road bike and put left side holder on right hand side and vice-versa.

I did that as a kid with the old Weinmann brakes – both rear blocks came shooting out on the first downhill bit we got to (unfortunately a 13% hill!).

time a small jump badly so the end of the stem smashes against a very soft bit.

Clean the underside of the chain with fingers on rag as you spin the rear wheel of your fixed.

The finger tip did grow back… Others have not been so lucky.

Tapping front brake , at speed , on a slight curve, on wet woodwork , on a very easy section at Cannock.

Broken helmet, bursar injury, still aches 3 years on.

slag off lewis hamilton on this forum’s F1 thread 🙂 😉

saying the words “watch this!” before trying any kind of bike related “trick”

“neilwheel – Member

Try to ride with you hands on the opposite ends of the bars.”

…thanks, I’m now tempted to try this on the way home this evening

Don’t bother! I still have the scar to prove it doesn’t work after 30 plus years. (Brake lever went through my lip).

Let my friend Ju ‘navigate’.

Set up your turbo trainer in the spare room…

Forgetting to a) put anything underneath to protect the carpet, b) forgetting you’ve recently oiled the chain.

…after a 30min session I got off to see a 2 foot long oil streak splattered on the cream carpet!

Buy Eggbeaters.

Ride naked at a trail centre just to win a dare

peepingtom – Member
1 Spin the wheel while finger end is near the rotor

oooh i’ve done that – the blood was immense.

try to change the seat height of your QR seat post while riding

Tracey – Member

Ride naked at a trail centre just to win a dare

I hope you still wore a helmet 😀

try to explain to a jobsworth policeman that he is wrong about making me get off my bike to walk across this pelican/ toucan crossing because it IS a bike crossing, that little green illuminated picture of a bike tells me it is and the sign you keep pointing at is for the footpath down the other way, but soon it will be inserted elsewhere….
next time I’ll just be “yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir”