The Godfather… Dilema

Ok my sister recently had a baby girl, which is all very nice, and she has kindly asked me to be the godfather, which is quite kind of her as we don't normally get on all that well… well normal sibling rivalry I guess.. nothing serious.

Anyhow its great that she asked me, but I just don't do religion, would feel bad about going to the christening, and certainly wouldn't want to be keeping a straight face whist I 'renounced satan' in front of friends and family etc..

I have no problem with what is meant to be the real point of being a godfather, moral support, extra present on birthdays etc… (isn't that what its about)

So I have kind of said yes, but said that I couldn't do the church thing, which sister has just presumed I was joking about… (which I wasn't)

Should I just MTFU and cross my fingers and do the church thing, or be true to myself and say no…. and then take the innevitable family flack….

need your advice guys!

I have no problem with what is meant to be the real point of being a godfather, moral support, extra present on birthdays etc… (isn't that what its about)

I thought it was about caring for the kids if anything happened to the parents ?

I thought it was about caring for the kids if anything happened to the parents?

Well yes that too, although in reality I would be way down the pecking order, although if something did happen to them that wouldn't be something I would have a problem with…

If she wants you to do the church thing then why not? Unless you find it particularly offensive Is she religious?

Having said that I was a Godlessparent for my friends kids – they had godparents to look after the religious side of things but if the parents had died I would have taken the kids

I turned down being one for the same reason as above. Yes I could have done it in the same way as I could have turned up at Church in drag in a mini skirt but why on earth would I want to do wither of these things?
Best bet here who will be most annoyed you for the church issue sister for your refusal most upset wins and gets their way HTH

Hmm hadn't thought of doing it in a miniskirt… maybe that is the middle way?

Thing that gets me is that she seems to have recently discovered god, coinciding with realising she needs to get her kids to a nice school. Not that I would ever dare mention that…

I was amused by the fact that some American churches banned Harry Potter due to its religion-freeness, yet godparents ARE included :o)

My wife and I were both antireligious but our kids have effective godparents, though I don't think we used that term …

If a mate asked you to be his best man, and he was getting married in a church would you turn him down?

Put aside the religious stuff you don't believe in, and look on it as a contract between yourself, your sister and the child- maybe find out directly from your sister what she expects, forget about the exact words spoken in the ceremony, and focus on what your sister wants from you. The venue and christening are irrelevant.

If you don't believe in it, wtf does it matter?

MTFU, accept it as the gesture it was intended as and get on with it.

I'm not religious, but I'm godfather to both my neices, and it was fantastic to be asked.

As a godparent you will be expected (and will promise to) help bring up the child as a christian.

If, like me, you are an atheist, I can't really see how you could do that with any credibility.

So – my reaction would be "Thankyou. I'm flattered, but I don't subscribe to the necessary superstition. No offense."

Just my two penn'orth…

Should I just MTFU and cross my fingers and do the church thing

Yes – it's not about you.

I'm a godfather despite frankly having very negative views on organised religion. I don't recall having to say much, if anything, about renouncing the devil or anything else but frankly if I did I just said/mumbled it along with the other godparents. Since I couldn't care less about religion, I've got no issue really saying some mumbo jumbo that means nothing to me but my friends believe in.

vinnyeh +1
My cousin asked me to be a godfather to her second son. Something i was very honoured to be asked, also went to the christening, which i felt rather hypocritical about as im in no way religious. BUT, i still went ahead and did it, because she wanted me to do it.

My understanding of godparents is of people who will step in when the real parents are unavailable due to death or kidnap etc ie much more important than mere religion and a serious undertaking.

If a mate asked you to be his best man, and he was getting married in a church would you turn him down?

The difference is you are not expected to say anything that you dont beleive in as a best man, or indeed as a bride or groom at a church wedding.

Bazzer

sfb – I don't think that really applies these days at least not normally.

you are not expected to say anything that you dont beleive in as a best man

Will it really kill you? I do wonder about people whose conscience is so precious to them on insignificant matters that they'd make such a point of it.

When my best mate had his little'un and the subject of christenings was mentioned my heart sank.
I really didn't want to be asked.
Luckily my mate knew me well enough to tell his wife that I'd be a great "uncle" (why is it always uncle?)taking him to play,bike rides,birthday pressies and I'd look out for him if anything happened to his mum and dad, but that I'd not want all the ceremony and religious hoohar.
So his brother in laws got the task instead….poor kid!!

sfb – I don't think that really applies these days at least not normally.

otherwise there'd be no point 🙁

I do wonder about people whose conscience is so precious to them on insignificant matters that they'd make such a point of it.

not that anyone would ever ask me but I wouldn't say any words I didn't mean in that context. It might be precious to you but it's up to me to decide.

Tell her you will do it if she prefers a religious ceremony and that you are honoured that she would ask, but you would prefer if you could do it in a non-religious manner (ie legal guardianship).

The venue and christening are irrelevant.

You are not overly familiar with the word CHRISTening then are you? Clearly it is a religious act clearly it has a touch of a religous connortation about it [or it would just be a humanist non secular naming ceremony] and it is catholic’s who renounce the devil FWIW.

I do wonder about people whose conscience is so precious to them on insignificant matters that they'd make such a point of it.

Are you referring to the christian or the atheist here ? I can't tell. Why do you dislike people who have principles and stand by them? Why do you think the question of whether we have a diety is insignificant?

+ what SFB said

insignificant matters

Not to me..

Why do you dislike people who have principles and stand by them?

So people who do not believe in a god don't have principles?

If you're christian then I don't suppose you'd have a problem. If you're an atheist then I can't see how saying some words that you believe have no meaning could possibly matter or have any consequence, unless of course the parents are devout christians and expect you to say the words and believe in them in which case I'd be suprised that they'd be asking someone that they knew so little about.

I was asked, my friends know I don't believe in any of the church stuff (to say the least) but they still wanted me as godfather because it's about much more than the religion for them and most people I reckon)

SFB – yes it's up to you to decide and the decision you say you'd make makes me wonder about you though really it doesn't suprise me.

That is not what I said M-f. Both sides have principles [atheists and Christians*] though the mother may be a plastic christian for the benefit of her child.

* would a christian denounce god for an atheist/humanist naming ceremony would we ask?

EDIT: Clubber yes anyone [including a Christian] could publicly stand up and spout some nonsense they did not believe in and was contrary to their view the issue here is should you have to do this .

The Godfather thing is actually you promising to bring the child up in the ways of the faith into which the child is baptised. If you are not of that faith then really you are basically lying to your sister, the kids and to the Church in question.

However, I was asked to do it for my Best mans kids. The local vicar rejected me without even meeting me on the basis that I'd not been baptised or christened. (No actual specific requirement that I should be incidentally). Strangely, I am one of the few people who would have beecome God parents in his church who actually would have been aware of the role and the requirements prior to the service.

In essence its a load of old guff, brought about by the fact that the christening service requires some people in those roles. Generally, the individual asking is confering a great deal by asking, so frankly I'd just go along with it, and smile nicely if I were you.

I'd be concerned that a humanist naming ceremony that asked you to denounce god was part of an atheist cult that'd shortly be offering around the kool-aid… 😯

The Godfather thing is actually you promising to bring the child up in the ways of the faith into which the child is baptised. If you are not of that faith then really you are basically lying to your sister, the kids and to the Church in question.

Of course it is. And everyone who gets their kid christened really lives by that don't they. Just like non-Christians don't celebrate Xmas (yes, I know there are some miserable sods who don't). More of it is cultural than religeous.

That is not what I said M-f. Both sides have principles [atheists and Christians*] though the mother may be a plastic christian for the benefit of her child.

* would a christian denounce god for an atheist/humanist naming ceremony would we ask?
Fair enough, on re-reading I can see you were saying that.

but not concerned that a christian one was a cult and about to offer you the symbolic flesh of the dead son of god and then drink his blood?
You can denounce god without being considered a cult surely?

M-F no probs

A humanist ceremony isn't an aetheist one. there isn't such thing as an aetheist one or at least by definition, there shouldn't be for the simple reason that aetheism is about not believing something. Call it freedom or freethinking or whatever you like but the whole point is that there isn't a set of rules forced upon you.

Act in accordance with your principles and beliefs. I don't see how you can justify taking an active part in a religious ceremony if you don't believe in it. If you "just don't do religion" then just don't lie by pretending you do.

I'm a godfather to about 6 kids now, all the parents who asked me know I have no religious beliefs. They asked me as they know as a person what my morals are and it's that they're interested in not what some fairy story tells us.

I recall only one of the services was actually even close to be religious they rest talked about morals and the likes but religion was never mentioned. Consider it an honour.

I don't pretend or lie. My friends know I'm not religeous at all. I went to a naming ceremony that was Christian. I may well have said some words that in themselves meant nothing to me but still had exactly the meaning that was intended by my friends.

I just can't see the issue. I haven't betrayed anyone, said anything I'm uncomfortable with or caused any offense. Some people really just like to take themselves far too seriously.

and she has kindly asked me to be the godfather, which is quite kind of her as we don't normally get on all that well… well normal sibling rivalry I guess.. nothing serious.

Your sister's made a pretty cool gesture, no? Turn it down, you look like a selfish ****. MTFU for the half an hour it's going to take, and when the daughter turns 18, take her on a bender she'll never forget, OK? Like any self respecting god parent should do…Mine did, bless her.

and when the daughter turns 18, take her on a bender she'll never forget, OK?

I had not realised the responsibility included an introduction to the drug culture 🙁

Suspect that any 18 year old will have had an introduction some years before SFB.

When I was asked I said no. Not because I dont believe in christ, not because I am offended by the way the church imposes their views on others (although both true) but because I take a promise seriously, and I dont want any responsibility for kids. If I did i'd have had my own.

If you are a proper atheist, doing the church thing is just a meaningless ritual which should be no bother unless you are asked to guide the child along particular religious lines.

I had the same sort of dilemma when my sister asked me to be god father. I spoke to her to check that she was okay with the fact that I'm atheist and she was fine. The Priest who will be doing the ceremony only stipulates that one of the god parents need be a regular church goer. Had it been a requirement for me to demonstrate that I was a regular church goer then that is something that I wouldn't have lied about and would have declined but it's not an issue in this case.

doing the church thing is just a meaningless ritual which should be no bother

so you might as well say your prayers and go to Lourdes as well just in case ??

Get your sister to ask the priest what to do. If she tells him you can't say things you don't believe in, (and your situation will not shock him) he might have an acceptable alternative.