Son in hospital in a coma

Clearly a lot of positive thoughts and sympathy for you here, we’ve never met but thanks for keeping in touch.
All the best.
B

Thanks for the update, I realise you won’t have met most of the posters on here and vice versa, but i think we’re all hoping things work or for you and your family, especially your son. Talk away, you’ll always find someone to listen, and equally we appreciate the time you’ve taken

if when he recovers, just be there for him.

Hope the recovery continues. Good luck again.

Give him a gentle hug, hold him close, I have just done so with my son. I found it hard to explain to him why I was giving this random act of affection, I was choked up. Oldnpastit, I cannot even begin to appreciate your turmoil. Words can be stunningly powerful, I wish that I had them to help your family right now. Be strong, be true.

Sounds a small step forward if the docs are reducing your son’s sedation. Hopefully more small steps in the next few days!

As a dad,I absolutely sympathise and hope never have to go through the same thing.
I wish you all the best, and hopefully you can persuade your son to come on here for some group/community therapy?

Thanks for the update oldnpastit, it’s good to hear positive news no matter how slight the improvement.

Glad to hear that there are some small improvements ,we hope to hear of many more over the coming weeks .

Good to hear too. It sounds like he is getting very good care.

I know that is very easy to say, but try not to think too much about the long term right now. Take care of yourself and those who are going through this with you.

Best wishes. Neil.

That sounds positive. Hopefully it’s all up from here on in. More man hugs from the Sandwich clan.

It would be a good idea for you to have a real life friend/therapist to talk to once the worst is past. I had a bit of a breakdown after Ms Sandwich had her attempt. A minor bump in the company car set it off and I was out of productive society for 6 weeks.

Not easy being a parent is it. I’ve got a 17 year old, I chat with the parent’s of his mates too. Most admit their kids are driving them nuts with their mood s and behaviour, one sends her son to a psychologist.

I’m a teacher so I’m supposed to be trained to deal with them. Frankly it doesn’t help being trained to manage the unmanageable. It provides consolation in knowing you’re not alone in the chaos though.

We as parents build our lives around our kids, mentally and physically. I closed the business to have time, bought a house with a nice garden near nice schools, planned weekends and holidays around sports and activities, taught him everything I could. And right now I’m getting most of it thrown back in my face.

It’s quite normal I’m told, being treated like dirt, talked down to, lied to, picking up the pieces after the latest excesses, dealing with the anger when anything goes wrong (or right). “He’s the young wolf asserting his authority and will kill you, the pack leader, and take over”, says a doctor friend. Yet some days he’s delightful, loving, charming enthusiastic.

After a series of bad days I crack, fight back, and he’s like a scolded six year old. Because despite the front he’s still a vulnerable kid trying to find his way in a frightening world.

On the drink and drugs front, one confrontation ended with him in an arm lock having his head banged against the bathroom mirror as I made a futile attempt to find out who the dealer was. A really good move as I realised he still has some affection for me in that he’s stronger than me and could have reduced me to pulp. He also realised that my threats to sort the dealer were plausible and having a father in court for doing so wouldn’t be good for his street cred or home life. It gave him the excuse he needed to distance himself from the druggies – I think, I hope. Anyhow some of his mates now give me a very wide berth.

On the suicidal tendencies front; a fine young man in my triathlon killed himself, he seemed fine – a likeable affable young man with everything going for him, I’ve never seen his parents since. My son is an emotional yo-yo, was I really like that at his age? In the middle of an recent shouting match with junior:

“I’m gonna kill myself”

“Well find a really tall building then because I don’t want to push you around in a wheel chair… .”

It was the first thing that entered my head when I read your opening post so it’s taken me two days to write a reply beyond “I’m so sorry to hear that and hope you pull through, both of you”.

I hope my post helps rather than makes you feel worse. I’ve taken a risk, life’s a risk. Have a look through Sadexpunk’s posting history, he’s one of the few on here that’s candid about dealing with children as they become adult.

Jeez, just read this – best wishes to both of you.

I feel a git now. I yelled at my daughter (11) this morning because I promised her a lift to school as long as she went a bit early so i could get to work on time. And then dragged out getting ready so long that we actually left later than we’d normally leave (“but it’s OK because you’re driving me?”)

And i won’t see her tonight because I’m out straight after work. So not till tomorrow can i hug her and tell her I’m sorry for being a git.

I can’t begin to imagine how hard it is for those that have serious issues to deal with; I just (selfishly) hope that mine spare me as much of that heartache as possible, and those that do have difficult kids find the strength, patience and compassion to deal with it too.

Thoughts with you all, especially OAP

Bloody hell. There aren’t the words.

@Edukator – a lot of that sounds all too horribly familiar, thanks. I’m finding a lot of the replies on here really helpful, I hope others in my situation do as well; I think you need all the help you can get.

Hang in there oldnpastit, tough times ahead but it will get better.

Edukator, IME that’s part of the rebellion process, breaking away from parental control. Some kids don’t seem to understand they can just walk out of the door calmly and rationally – most of aren’t us spoiling for a fight but some of them feel they need it. There is no doubt that kids who are feeling vulnerable need to stay away from drink and drugs but its a reality they (and we as adults) get drawn in at times. I am sure all of us as parents know kids who have made some bad choices, some get the chance to come back and take it others chose a different path. As parents we can just do our best but eventually kids have to accept that being a young adult means taking responsibility for themselves.

oldnpastit. I can’t really add much to what’s being said here, but I wanted to wish you, your lad and your family my best. It sounds like your boy is a fighter, so hang in there.

I’m afraid I can’t offer anything but my condolences oldnpastit. I hope he pulls through, there are no lasting effects and he manages to turn his life around.

Any news on recovery progress?

I saw this when you first posted and didn’t think there were any words I could offer that would be of any comfort. It seems that the situation is slowing improving and I truly hope that your lad makes it through this. All the best to you and yours.

Not really anything that could be described as progress.

He’s got pneumonia in one lung, and as a result his oxygen has been turned up to 100%. They scraped some gunk out of it with a tube with a camera on the end: medicine seems to be a bizarre mixture of incredibly sophisticated and incredibly crude, and they then turned it down to about 97%. Pretty obviously it needs to be around 20% 🙁

His intra-cranial pressure was also spiking at 40 (I think the units are mmHg but I always find myself thinking of PSI) but that went back down after they turned the sedation back up again, although it’s still not brilliant – they seem to want it in the fat bike tyre pressure range.

That’s about it really. The local church have been rallying around so we’re slightly snowed under with food and sympathy which is nice. And a friend took me and our oldest dog to the pub last night for a taste of normality, which tastes of rather nice cornish bitter and funky popadum crisps.

It’s a long road ahead I think.

😐

Best of luck there.

Won’t keep asking for updates, but thoughts with you chap. Look forward to hearing some good news down this long road, when you’re ready of course. Probably around the same time you progress to some real crisps 😀

Can’t imagine how you must be feeling, but glad your friends are rallying and that you managed to get to the pub and be ‘normal’ for a bit.

thoughts are with you

All the very best of luck.

Thanks for the update, OP. Its also good to hear that you re getting a lot of support and that you are making a little time for yourself! That will help all of you in the long run.

Normality has a lot to recommend it when you’re ‘living in interesting times’. All the best.

Take care OP. Thinking very much of you and your family.

And a friend took me and our oldest dog to the pub last night for a taste of normality, which tastes of rather nice cornish bitter

Sheesh,some folk know nothing about beer. When you are getting him home,give me some notice and I will send some proper beer from the Cairngorm brewery to toast the event.

Intra-cranial pressure (ICP) down to 15mmHg.
O2 down to 60%.

So looking better. Had a chat with the doctor today, who was hinting in the nicest possible way that there’s a long way to go. Quite likely to find that if/when he comes out of the coma that everything is going to have to be relearned from scratch.

EDIT: seems that 15mmHg is about 0.3PSI, so about what you’d put in a fat bike tyre 🙂

So looking better.

Good stuff 🙂

Better news- good, glad to hear it.

fingers crossed for him 🙂

Thanks for the update. One small gain at a time will do the job.

Any improvement is good news in my book. Don’t forget to look after yourself both physically and mentally, he’s going to need his dad by the sounds of it…

Sheesh,some folk know nothing about beer. When you are getting him home,give me some notice and I will send some proper beer from the Cairngorm brewery to toast the event.

Ta, thanks!
🙂

Still thinking of you here, too.

Good to hear that he has taken a small step in the right direction. Also glad to hear that you’ve got support to hand.

Hang on in there. One minute/hour/day at a time.

Thanks for the update, small steps but they seem to be ones in a positive direction

Only just found this thread. Like others, I too am struggling for the right words. It is a long road but please stay strong and (speaking from personal experience) share as much support as a family as you can. Thinking of you and your lad and hoping for continued improvements, however small, to help you all to find your way to the positive side.

Glad to hear that there has been some improvement. As others have said look after yourself.