Serious male medical(-ish) question

So, I went for a nice ride today in the cool air and when I got home the missus was amused to see that my, ahem, gentleman had, well, sort of disappeared.

Now this isn’t unusual for me (I’m a grower not a shower) but she was wondering if other men who ride had issues with their gentlemen becoming MIA after a ride.

A warm shower is all it generally needs to encourage him back thankfully.

And no, there aren’t any pictures.

sometimes when you think to yourself “should I really start this thread”… the answer is no.

I have no shame Weeksy…..

So, which camp are you in?

Worst case I had was after running a marathon. Poor chap went from ‘normal’ to now’t but foreskin. Took a good bath and much vigour to revive.

As we used to say in the Navy

” Its not what is on the deck, its whats in the cable locker”

😯

Downshep – that’s sort of what the good lady wife was so amused by this morning.

Her concern was “where’s it gone?”. And, to be fair, I wasn’t sure. Where do they go?

Yes, if it is freezing cold or if I am not feeling well.

If you have lower back pain that too will have an effect especially if the pain is unbearable.

😮

Hmm maybe all those hookers really were telling the truth.

but she was wondering if other men who ride had issues with their gentlemen becoming MIA after a ride

So you’re asking this question on behalf of your missus ?

Tell her it doesn’t affect me. HTH

Could it not be coaxed out with a small piece of cheese maybe.

I didn’t try the cheese method Chip.

The issue isn’t so much that it vanished, the issue is where did it vanish to? It has substance, yet seemed to have vacated the area completely.

Is there a special pouch that no-one has told me about?

yet seemed to have vacated the area completely.

How do you have a pee whilst on a ride, do you carry a Shewee ?

I don’t wee when I’m riding?

Do you carry a portable toilet?

Is there a special pouch that no-one has told me about?

You do know there’s nothing solid in there, don’t you?

Sorry I consider that I’m still “on a ride” when I stop to have a pee. No I don’t carry a portable toilet, I find that trees provide all the assistance I need 🙂

You do know there’s nothing solid in there, don’t you?

Let’s not go down that route….

Ernie, weeing in the outdoors is so uncivilised. Is there no way you could hold it in until you’re home?

I get garden sprinkler syndrome after long ride – most inconvenient!

You did not step out the shower with a rogue estrogen patch stuck to your foot this morning did you.
Or maybe there was a mix up in the medicine draw,
Your misses is having hot flushes but on the plus side has not had a woodbine since breakfast.

As above. If you hold it in but then its disappeared when you get home the results can be spectacular if somewhat messy

No Chip, there’s no HRT shenanigans going on in Casa Swank. As for the woodbine, the good lady gave up smoking her pipe a few years ago now.

Tops 5 – this is why I worry about Ernie doing a pee in the wilderness. One single wee could seriously soak a stoat that was minding its own business nearby.

Is there no way you could hold it in until you’re home?

Well I would if I had to sit down 😉

‘soaking a stoat’ 😯

cheekyboy – Member

As we used to say in the Navy

” Its not what is on the deck, its whats in the cable locker”

That’s slang for anus, I take it?

It’s not stoats that should worry. Marinated hedgehog anyone? (Yes really).

BTW I love the idea of being taught decorum by someone called R Swank 😛

Why don’t you tuck your ‘chap’ into the top of your sock to keep him warm like the rest of us do?

It’s not stoats that should worry

Indeed. I always have a quick check for anything with sharp teeth before unzipping.

Maybe for the best – is it any use to you anyway?

Surely a nice cup of tea and a warm jumper are more satisfying when you get to a certain stage of life!

Indeed. I always have a quick check for anything with sharp teeth before unzipping.

Let’s not get obsessed by soaked stoats people. All sorts of wildlife could be injured. Maybe even Chris Packham could get a nasty soaking.

But this thread is not about the morals or ethics of weeing on wilderness. It’s about the effect riding has on a gentlemans gentleman.

Surely no-one arrives home from a ride with a bigger one than when they started?

So I’m assuming most people find the cold air and tight, tight Lycra to be somewhat effective at reducing ones “impressiveness”.

But the question still remains, where does it go to?

Dr s **** youre not a real dr are you.

Wear a few socks over your small appendage, then when you come in Percy penis will be warm as toast,

or just pop a few viagra on return and pp wioll rise to the occasion so one ride in the cold and one ride with the wife.

just superglue the old chap to your inner thigh when he’s not feeling so shy….that’ll stop him hiding when its cold*

*warning – may have unsavoury side effects

My dear Project, I find it awkward that this thread is now challenging my professional status….

So your answer to my question “where does it go?”, in your case it goes into a sock?

DrRSwank – Member

So your answer to my question “where does it go?”, in your case it’s hidden by a rolled up sock?

FTFY

Try windsurfing in Febuary in the UK.
After 30mins you can’t feel your hands or face, 60mins and I can feel core temp starting to drop. Only time I feel really, really cold and that I’m ‘chilled to the bone’.
Chipolata anyone?
A hot bath and Im sorted but the gap between getting out of a wet wetsuit in a windy car park and getting in the bath is most unpleasant

have had cramp in my prostate region before whilst riding my bike,it was bloody horrible (literally felt like my balls/prostate were being squeezed hard in a vice 😯

as for shrinking tallywhacker when riding (well it’s small when it’s not excited,so doesn’t really feel much different tbh 😐

But Singletrackmind, I can almost see an advantage for you.

You’ve been wind surfing and need to change into normal clothes for the drive home. Isn’t it better to be the perfect human representation of Action Man in the sea front car park? Surely it must scare fewer children?