Ridiculous, real work emails – WTF?

This gem just came through (to everyone) from a manager in the building in which I’m based (though don’t work in regularly, including today – that’s important ❗ )

Subject: FW: Toilet Etiquette

Please see Liz’s email below.

Regards

H…….

Subject: FW: Toilet Etiquette

Can you amend email as necessary for your audience and forward to your teams please

Subject: Toilet Etiquette

Hi
Polite reminder, we have had two ‘poo’ incidents today, the disabled toilet bowl was left in a state and the ladies toilet had mess on the hinge of the toilet seat, both had to be cleaned up by business support. Also I have been informed that the gents is sometimes left in a mess and has to be cleaned by the next person.

Please be considerate of others and ensure the toilet is clean before you leave.
Regards L…………

Had a similar one today. Person has been sick in the Loo, not cleaned up and scarpered. By in the Loo, I mean the room, not in the bowl. On the floor

The was a similar one where someone had pebbledashed the cubicle, then left it

Both in the ‘ladies’ toilets

So what you are saying is….you both have dirty scutters working at your workplace?

both had to be cleaned up by business support.

There are no cleaners in your place?

Also I have been informed that the gents is sometimes left in a mess and has to be cleaned by the next person.

Has to be cleaned by the next person, really, someone walks in and cleans up someone else’s shit before using the loo? They can’t just go elsewhere?

A colleague received this one the other day:

Subject: Incident ref xxxxxxx

Message: Sorry, my fault, added correct parameter, but after not before where required, later fixed, but not saved.
Now must be fine. Please retest.

He also received this one:

Subject Program Test manager availability

Message: Apologies – have to reschedule, caught a cold on way to office.

Camera outside the toilet to see who goes in and out would solve all these probs.

Camera outside the toilet to see who goes in and out would solve all these probs.

Surely the culprit could just blame the previous visitor for doing it and not ‘fessing up?

Every time I email something project-related to one of my directors, he forwards me my emails shortly after, with annotation “FYI”…

Camera outside the toilet to see who goes in and out would solve all these probs.

PPTV?

business support.

Sounds like an appropriate specialist role. They move in once you’ve completed your business, presumably?

There are no cleaners in your place?

Do keep up. “Business support” is the new name for cleaners.

Camera outside the toilet to see who goes in and out would solve all these probs.

Camera inside – Chuck Berry stylee – is obviously needed.

Camera outside the toilet to see who goes in and out would solve all these probs.

Presuming the toilet only has one stall, or do you mean a camera in the toilet?

Camera inside – Chuck Berry stylee – is obviously needed.

That would mean I had no particular place to go.

Camera outside the toilet to see who goes in and out would solve all these probs.

Also, what if there’s a choice of traps?

You’d need to actually tie a person to the specific throne. well associate them, anyway.

Use your staff pass to access loo roll – “swipe to wipe”.

Although it’s all sounding a bit of a cistern of a down.

The last place I worked at had a phantom shitter. Left the bowl in a right state most days.
I swear they crapped side saddle.

I’ve no idea what ‘Business Support’ means either, and I work there, but at a guess I’d say some poor soul on minimum wage who’s about 4th in line sub contractor.

There are in said building, with upwards of 70 occupants the following toilets:

Ground floor – Disabled, 1 gents urinal & 1 gents stall, Ladies loo – 2 stalls at a guess

First floor – 2 gents stalls, 2 ladies stalls, again at a guess

I’ve just emptied out the office fridge of “food-stuffs” out of Use-by date.
My email telling the office that i was going to do this was titled “You won’t need to buy Imodium tomorrow”.
It was pretty worrying that there was a tub of soup with Use-by 20 June, and chicken drumsticks dated 5 July…

People’s behaviour in the office beggars belief. A previous workplace – we had a phantom shitter who would, without fail, manage to block the trap with what looked and acted like liquid concrete. Intermittently they’d liven things up by smearing the wall too. We never managed to track down the culprit despite various attempts at covert monitoring. Cost a fortune in plumbers and decorators bills.

It amazes me the way people, nominally intelligent and able to keep themselves (relatively) clean and well laundered, treat an office. Be it in the kitchen, the traps, the showers or generally.

I’ve had to abandon a few floaters of late. Flush not up to spec.

Trick is to wash your hands at a basin farthest from that cubicle so anyone walks in doesn’t suspect you. Maybe. Maybe I don’t care

I worked in a bank for a while, the number two (intended) bank in the country in question where there were notices in the gents about the actions of the phantom crapper. It was thought that they were standing on the bowl and weren’t a very good shot.

Poonami.

I may have left a sign saying “The shit coffee is free. This nice coffee is mine. If you want free coffee take the shit stuff”. In the jar of coffee obviously. I’m becoming one of Them.

When we sold our last house in SA before coming to Spain a couple looking at the property brought a child with them who suddenly needed to go.

I can’t imagine how the little boy produced what we found left in our toilet after they all left. He must have been a human tardis.

21 minutes and no ones FTFY’d that to turdis. Must be home time or something.

Working in FM I’ve seen some sights in office toilets!

Last office there was a lady/ladies with a penchant for leaving used tampons in the middle of the toilet floor. We ended up having to put up signs requesting they use the bins provided

a customer quite a while back had deep white shag pile carpet in the toilet, and refused to allow me to use the toilet for a wee, just in case i had a poor aim, had to drive to local public toilet to have a wee.

I may have left a sign saying “The shit coffee is free. This nice coffee is mine. If you want free coffee take the shit stuff”. In the jar of coffee obviously. I’m becoming one of Them.

At work, I have ketchup and some nuclear chilli sauce in the cupboard. I got fed up with getting two squirts out of the ketchup bottle before having to replace the mysteriously empty bottle, so now I still have ketchup and chilli sauce in the cupboard, but decanted into each other’s bottles.

The staff toilet in one of the a&e’s I used to work from had a handy laminated a4 sign that had a picture of a poo (with eye’s, of course) with an arrow pointing from the poo to a picture of a toilet. It used to make me think ‘c’mon we are staff, surly we can do better than this’. 🙂

In the jar of coffee obviously.

If your coffee comes in a jar, it’s shit coffee too 🙂

We have a phantom toilet roll stuffer at work. Does the whole of an industrial size roll then legs it.

We used to have a lady who laid out her poos on the window sill, but she’s gone now.

We had a great email round the office explaining that the gents was out of action as someone had blocked it with an orange. For the second time that month.

Edit: I think I mentioned this previously resulting in the genius reply “Shatsuma”

am I the only one who actually posted (two) ridiculous emails and aren’t talking about sh!tting?

Just when you think the forum has gone a bit boring we get this classic. Good stuff guys and girls by the sounds.

At the last place I worked there used to be emails sent around about certain people ‘desecrating’ (my term) one of the two ladies loos upstairs, which caused a fair degree of resentment, as the staff are largely female, especially when there are a lot of temps in during busy periods.
No idea who’s responsible, but somehow it’s not behaviour you really imagine women getting up to.
Liking Cougar’s swapping the bottle contents around, reminds me of something the main character in Neil Stephenson’s book ‘Zodiac’ did, putting a bit of tape on his bottle of milk in the fridge with ‘milk experiment’ written on it; he was a biochemist, so the threat was fairly real… 😈

Pan cam is the only way of getting to the bottom of this outrage.

CountZero, surely you mean ‘defecrating’!

which caused a fair degree of resentment, as the staff are largely female, especially when there are a lot of temps in during busy periods

Surely during busy periods they’re all skydiving, roller skating with dogs, having long boozy lunches with their girlfriends in glorious sunshine, running on a beach, playing volleyball or climbing? That’s what the adverts say anyway.

People lay a cushion for their plops to land on? I never thought of that, i wonder what proportion of people do that.

Once a secretary sent an email saying a toilet was out of action and an engineer has been called to fix it, this turned into an arguement btween her and a pedantic professional engineer who was insisting that it is a texhnician and not an engineer who fixes plumbing, with all 600 people in the office copied in.

There was another email which accidently copied in the $all-staff contact (2000 people), then a bunch of people replied all asking why they had the email, then a bunch of people replied all saying do you realise that you replied all. The whole thing snowballed, everybodies inbox exploded, the email servers became overloaded and there was complete organisational chaos for a few hours just from that one email.

I don’t understand how that works, every time I poo it always hits the backboard