RelationshipTrackWorld – Moving On

My Ex partner found out she was pregnant about a fortnight after we decided to go our own ways, as a consequence we have a fantastic son who is nearly one – we share his care between us.

Its a scenario a bit like knocked up but without the happy ending as i realised that I’d fallen for her all over again as a result of a few attempts to play happy families but she is adamant there is no chance of a relationship beyond being “mates” and its really starting to get me down.

Bearing in mind that we will still be seeing each other several times a week so I cant just go into hiding, does anyone out there have a tried and tested method of getting over a “break up” bearing in mind wont be in a position to buy myself a new bike for several years ! When im with my son I don’t really think about it but the moment I have to drop him off this dark cloud descends. While I accept resorting to a bike forum for advice is a sign of increasing desperation, I haven’t even got the motivation to get out on the bike at the moment which Is normally my cure all so have run out of ideas.

Cheers in advance for any sensible comments.

Accept that it’s over and get on with your life, being the best dad you can be. She will almost certainly be on the look out for a new man……………..however, you being independent and a great dad is your best chance.
That said, assume it’s done and try to find someone else – life’s a one time only……..

Ten years down the line of having to still see my ex regularity because of the kids I still don’t think I’ve really got the answer. The times after dropping them off were really hard, but they get easier.

However the old adage that time is the greatest healer is a good one – ease up on yourself and enjoy life for what it is.

At one point it became my greatest fear that she’d ask to get back together, as I would have found it impossible to say no, but knew deep down that it couldn’t work – I’ve found that sometime’s you suddenly get that little reminder of why it really wouldn’t work out, and Its quite a liberating moment when you get to that stage.

Personally, I think the first step to really getting there is learning about yourself and enjoying your own company, when you feel happy with yourself and not feeling like you ‘need’ anyone else to be worthwhile, you’ll start really finding happiness.

Be the best dad you can be, don’t get bitter and don’t be wound up by the inevitable rocky patches – in the long term the kids will make up their own minds – till then the best you can do is let them know they’re loved, and that the door will always be open if they need you!

ps, my youngest daughter lives with me now, something I never thought would happen, shows that by being there and being the better person, things will come right in the end 🙂

Well said Ninfan—good advice

Good advice from Ninfan.

I hope it works out for you feller, chin up.

I’m in the middle of all this myself and can’t say better than ninfan

Can only echo what Ninfan said, & emphasise the time being the greatest healer thing.

Perhaps try & limit the actual hand-over contact with her, & force yourself to make it as formal as possible for a while. As galant as it sounds your being, you need to concentrate on just the you & your child side of it. Not going to be easy but…best of luck mate. 😕

split from my ex when youngest was only 1, he is 20 this year, spent at least the last 5 christmases all together as one weird extended family & just seems really bizarre that we were even married at one time, so yes time is in fact a great healer – best to just move on & build your life around your son for now but don’t forget to make time for yourself too, good luck with it all

I spent alot of time in the woods building trails. Also had a classic Vw to maintain. Have a diversion so you don’t dwell.

Ninfan has it right. Be the best dad you can and be proud of yourself op.

Being a dad is your priority, so remind yourself of that. Relationships and loves will come and go but your kids will live on with you and the memories you create for them. Leaving them when you have handed them over, even to their mum, is the difficult time so find ways of ensuring you have something planned immediately afterward it will help you to move on. Good luck fella.

Well, just finished a meeting with children’s services discussing my Daughter (she’s autistic)

The social worker was in the process of drawing up an action plan anyway, and appears to have had a long chat with my ex, and heard a long tale of how terrible a person I was, how abusive our relationship was, how she was worried about my daughter etc.

after which she commented to me ‘I’m somewhat confused though, as looking through the records its clear that she was happy for her to come and live with you, and she still seems to thinks you’re the best place for her – its very inconsistent’

I gently explained that, essentially, my ex was batshit mental

Social worker laughed and said that was her conclusion too – went on to say that she had spoken to my daughters CAMHS worker and that she had no concerns at all, that my daughter was showing good progress, and that she was absolutely in the right place, that school had no concerns, and I’ve come out of it smelling of roses 😆

So – keep your pecker up, believe in yourself, and things will all come right in the end!

Thanks guys, to be honest as daft as it sound getting it off my chest on an anonymous forum actually seemed to help somewhat. Looking around the forum again tonight there seem to be a number of similar threads on the go albeit with or without added complications.

Don’t worry about not wanting to go out on your bike just go, you won’t regret once you’re out there.