Red Dwarf – best moments & quotes?

Cat: Duane Dibley!

<Duane Dibley > One triple thick condom. You never know…

the ‘smart shoes’ scene for me.

Shoes really do have soles….

Rimmer: You don’t think there’s anything amiss? I’m sitting here wearing a red and white checked gingham dress and army boots and you think that’s un-amiss?

Cat: No, of course not. It’s just that we thought you had gone nuts! We were trying to humour you.

If i’d known i was going to get my leg crushed i’d have worn white, it goes with anything!

Lister(I think!) commenting on a suicidal mission…

“…it’s like putting your wedding tackle in a lion’s mouth and flicking his love spuds with a wet towel”

Used a lot!

Who would allow this man, this joke of a man, this man who could not outwit a used tea bag, to be in a position where he might endanger the entire crew? Who? Only a yoghurt. This man is not guilty of manslaughter, he is only guilty of being Arnold J. Rimmer. That is his crime; it is also his punishment. The defence rests.

Rimmer:
When you’re younger you can eat what you like, drink what you like, and still climb into your 26″ waist trousers and zip them closed. Then you reach that age, 24-25, your muscles give up, they wave a little white flag, and without any warning at all you’re suddenly a fat bastard.

Ba ba ba baba baba ba

…..wham bam thank you mam.

When you’re younger you can eat what you like, drink what you like, and still climb into your 26″ waist trousers and zip them closed. Then you reach that age, 24-25, your muscles give up, they wave a little white flag, and without any warning at all you’re suddenly a fat bastard.

I’m not sure that’s a quote, it’s a fact isn’t it? 😉

hairyscary – Member
…..wham bam thank you mam.

sorry mate, it was ‘wham bam thank you Mr’ –

when the crew meet their female selves in “Parallel Universe” and the cat’s was a dog.

jekkyl – Member
hairyscary – Member
…..wham bam thank you mam.
sorry mate, it was ‘wham bam thank you Mr’ –

when the crew meet their female selves in “Parallel Universe” and the cat’s was a dog.

I was continuing Northwind’s post, who was continuing my post. They are the ‘lyrics’ from Cartet USM’s ‘surfin USM’

‘S ok Hairy. I got it.

ahh ok i see. I thought northwind was singing the RD theme tune, ‘it’s cold out here’ ba bababababa *smirk* etc. What’s the relation from carter to red dwarf?

edit: Carter used an RD sample in one of their tunes?

Rimmer’s “fat bastard” speech was the intro to Sheriff Fatman.

Only joking!

Cougar – Moderator

Rimmer’s “fat bastard” speech was the intro to Sheriff Fatman.

Kids these days! It was Surfin USM

Was it? I don’t recognise that name (though I was never a massive fan) so am happy to defer to superior knowledge.

Slightly OT but In about 1992/3 I was wearing a Red Dwarf T-shirt at a very low key local charity do where I was passing round drinks to people sitting at tables, and a boy, about six years old or so piped up, very proudly, with “my Daddy writes Red Dwarf”

Cue Daddy looking really embarrased and not best pleased with said son. It was Doug Naylor, who once he and I had got over the embarrassment, was charming. I must admit to gushing a bit saying RD was so inventive and one of the few shows I, my parents and my 80 year old Grandmother would all watch avidly and wouldn’t miss if at all possible

Amongst the favorite quotes, not already mentioned I think

Lister: (to Rimmer) “Your nickname was never Ace. Maybe Ace Hole. “

Or
Holly “Well, the thing about a black hole – its main distinguishing feature – is it’s black. And the thing about space, the colour of space, your basic space colour, is black. So how are you supposed to see them?”

Well, it’s difficult to pin it down exactly, but according to all the available data, I would estimate it’s round about… lunchtime, maybe half-one.

For our first trick tonight, ladies and gentlemen, my partner Kryten will attempt to eat hay boiled egg … forwards!

LISTER: Can you hear anything Kryten?
KRYTEN: No sir, not a thing.
LISTER: Whys that?
KRYTEN: Because there are nooooooooo sounds.

Had me in stitches for weeks, even I don’t know why.

RIMMER: What’s the fifth dimension?
LISTER: Didn’t they get to Number Six with that “Baby I Want Your Love
Thing?”

Fun though it was drinking in the heady medieval atmosphere of pre-Renaissance deep space, the drive is next to useless, yes?

Rimmer: “Urine should only be green if you’re Mr Spock.”

——————————-

Lister: What about the time you tied my hair to the bed-post and then sounded the fire alarm?

Rimmer: Lister, I did that because I was sick of you annoying me. I don’t have to explain it.

Lister: I nearly needed brain surgery.

Rimmer: What brains?

—————————————-

Rimmer: Everything you ever did, you did to pull me back and annoy me.

Lister: Like what?

Rimmer: Like using my Mother’s photograph as an ashtray.

Lister: I didn’t know. I thought it was a souvenir from Titan Zoo.

Rimmer: Exchanging the symbols on my revision timetable so instead of taking my engineering finals I went swimming.

Lister: The symbols fell off. I thought I put them back in the right place.

Rimmer: Swapping my toothpaste for a tube of contraceptive jelly.

Lister: That was a joke.

Rimmer: Yes, Lister. The same kind of joke as putting my name down on the waiting list for experimental Pile Surgery.

It’s pretty obvious what gets eaten last. I can’t stand pot noodles.

Let’s get out there and **** it.

A man who beans up in the hat of bear strangler McGee is either mighty brave or mighty stupid. Which one are you boy?
-I’m sorry what were the choices again?

LISTER: What the hell is it?

KRYTEN: I have no idea, sir. The craft does not appear to be of Earth
construction.

RIMMER: Aliens! They’re probably going to return Glen Miller.

LISTER: You what!?!

RIMMER: That’s what they do. All those people who inexplicably vanish, they return them. Aw, smeg, that’s all we need. Glen Miller on board, boring us to death with Pennsylvania 6-5000. KRYTEN, open communication channels.

RIMMER: We don’t want him! Go away! You took him, you can keep the smegger!

________________________________________________–
Was watching this last night, just discovered the whole BBC run of 8 series is on netflix.

Kryten: Ketchup? With Lobster!

Get the hacksaw and follow me
We’re going to do to Lister what Alexander the Great once did to me

We’ve all got something to bring to this conversation, and from now on what you should bring is silence.

Time is a great healer. Unless you’ve got a rash, in which case you’re better off with ointment.

soup er