Really struggling

Idiot on CX.
The one before was the KamikaziBadger™, and the one before that was when Daz painted the town red.

We should go back again soon once the nights are light.

Was that the Marple trip where we made Daz bleed, or the one where there wan an idiot on a cx bike? (Hi!)

Yea, mentalist on a CX bike

See Colin. This is what you are missing. Dicks on inappropriate bikes (it was my turn the other week, we have a rota), killer wildlife, facial injury and crisps.

Hope I’m ok jumping on this thread….
My 20 yr old son recently told me he’s been taking anti-depressants from the age of 16. I had no idea, he doesn’t live with me but I see him most weekends. I thought he was just going through a phase i.e quiet, reserved etc. Was gutted that no-one told me but that’s a different story.
His treatment seems to consist of going to his GP and getting more tablets and he now thinks they are not working like they did. He has a god job as an apprentice joiner but has now started taking time off because he says on some days he physically can’t face the thought of getting out of bed and going to work. I managed to talk him into going on an MTB ride last weekend like we used to do when he was younger and it seemed to perk him up.

I want to help him get the right treatment and will pay whatever it costs but I’m not sure how to move forward with this. Can he ask his GP for a referral? Do I just bite the bullet and find a private counseller myself?
I think I might have to take control of this as he seems reluctant to challenge his GP.

Any advice welcome.

Thanks

First step ask him I wouldn’t go booking or meddling with out permission.

Can you get an appointment with him and the GP together?

Yes was thinking that myself…wether he’d agree to me coming along might be a challenge.
Thanks.

I think that would be a good first step. I remember my mum finding empty blister packs of tablets not long after my first prescription. She asked what they were and I told her they were for my mood. I sometimes wish I’d spoken to her more about it and got more support back then.

Good luck.

Oh, and more bike rides with him. I wish my dad done stuff like that with me when I was young.

Thanks Colin – this is all helpful advice.
I think the fact that I now know has helped a lot as he talks quite openly about it with me. I just feel bad that he was suffering in silence for the majority of his late teens.

Bassbiker, regarding the therapy aspect, I suspect that if he has a prescription for anti-depressants then he has already had some sort of referral for CBT or such like. He may not have gone or he may have gone and decided it didn’t work for him. One thing I found was that I got 6 initial sessions through the NHS locally. These were really useful even if I was initially sceptical as I’m not generally one for talking. These then ran out and they were unable to offer more due to funding. I then used my work Bupa package to get some privte sessions but after starting well, I just found they were making me feel worse and I would get more wound up with the thought of going to see her. In the end I stopped and have felt pretty much ok since, certainly nothing I can’t manage.

On the subject of medication, I decided not to take it (even after collecting the prescription) but I also know people who have and recommend it. It’s personal choice.

Swdan- he’s had some kind of talking therapy via his GP but doesn’t think it helped him. I think I need to go to his next appointment with him if he will let me. I’m feeling a. It out of my depth in terms of advice I can give him so just need to support him until I learn more about his issues. Thanks for the advice.

Sunday nights 🙁

So I planned to try and ride today. Didn’t happen. Drinking happened. Had a couple on Friday night at the Six Day races in Manchester velodrome. Then again last night at home. It’s really not doing my head any good.

Does anyone have advice on giving it up?

Things have taken a dive again after starting to feel a little better. I have been suffering from vertigo the last few days which hasn’t helped.

dunno about the drinking/giving up advice, i gave it up about 30 years ago and not had a drop since because i really wasn’t going anywhere good with the stuff.

but i’m struggling this week myself too, things just getting the better of me despite my best efforts to maintain a positive outlook and not let silly crap get into my head.i got super stressed out at a family meal on sunday evening and it’s left me exhausted/fragile. not a good time for me to have to be around people generally i think, but it’s so hard to express how i’m feeling without people thinking i’m just a miserable awkward prick. i don’t know what to do.

Sorry to hear that. As time goes on I’m finding social situations more and more stressful. Tonight I am supposed to going on a head torch run with my running club. And as the day goes on, the more I’m getting anxious about it. And you’re right, so difficult to express to others what is going on.

Hi all. So here I am again. It’s 1130 and I’ve absolutely done no work. Feel like I have a hangover, however I have been drinking alot recently. No huge sessions, but a couple most nights. Haven’t been on a bike in a month, even my new road bike. Have stopped keeping my back exercises going and have been having issues.

I have nothing useful to add just to say I’ve read what you’ve posted, I just want you to know that you are not talking to an empty room.

@st colin

I’ve been through some difficult periods myself so can thoroughly empathise with where you are at the moment.
There’s a load of pressure you can end up putting on yourself when you’re being weighed down by all the little shite that adds up to a big weight on your shoulders.
One approach i have is to sit back, think about something that i should be doing that’s easy to solve, but i’ve been putting off (e.g. washing up, the hoovering, sending that email at work, cleaning and lubing the bike etc.)
DO a simple thing and finish it.
Then do another, or do it tomorrow. But start working your way through stuff. It’s not a cure, far from it, but what it does is start to unburden yourself from shitty little things.

With regards to getting back out on the bike, don’t judge yourself by past performances. If you used to ride 100km but only feel up to 30km then no bother, Go ride 30km and get the legs moving. Grab a mate and ride to the pub for half a shandy or a coke and have a natter.

Monday Night Pub Ride tonight mate. 7.15 kick off from the Hare and Hounds in Holcombe. Why not come over, safe in the knowledge that there’s no way you’ll be the slowest there. Leisurely pace and a pint afertwards. We can compare tales of woe. I’m not great at the moment either. We can be like a pair of Marvin the Paranoid Androids, having a moan

I’m due for a big operation over the summer, and I’ve written in my diary on every entry – PRIORITY IS SURGERY.
To that extent, I’m trying to minimise getting worked up about the day-to-day slog of work and
the stress that goes with it (which makes me eat more and hence will make the surgery recovery harder).
The TV presenter Simon Reeve has given some insightful interviews about mental health recently, the phrase he uses a lot is “Step-by-Step” – I’ve been using that as my mantra for the last few months.

St Colin

Like you I went through some fairly dark times recently, primarily due to my mental health. I lost all motivation to get out on the bike, was drinking too much plus other stuff that i won’t go into here, and generally felt like giving up. I wasn’t suicidal by any means, but if a bus had knocked me over I wouldn’t have given a shit..and that reflected in how I abused my body and just made my mental health even worse.

Took a while but I eventually got back on the bike. Had been about 2 years and the first dozen rides or so were down right depressing. But I stuck with it and 6 months later I’m fitter than I have ever been, about to enter my first tt ever, and am generally feeling much better about myself despite still suffering bad anxiety and struggling a bit mentally day to day.

I get through every day by reminding myself that the stuff I did before only made things worse, that I may never get rid of the demons entirely but I can do everything in my power to keep them at bay. When I’m feeling bad I go for a ride and it clears my head of all the negative thoughts, even if only temporarily. I honestly believe that exercising is a godsend for someone with mental health issues, and at least for me I’d be totally stuffed without it.

If you want to chat ping me a pm.

St Colin – We don’t know each other but I have had similar experiences. I’m not 100% yet but getting there. I’m working in Manchester city centre tomorrow (Tuesday). I should be finished at 4. If you want to meet for coffee PM me. If you need to “moan” at a friendly stranger it might help. Worst case you get a free coffee.

Thanks everyone for the replies, again.

Monday Night Pub Ride tonight mate

Sorry I missed this. There’s no way I would have made it out last night. I’m just staring at the bikes in the house and going no further. I breifly got back to riding more last month but it has just abruptly stopped. Every time I get back on I feel like I’ve lost even more fitness than before and than gives me huge amounts of anxiety and stress. I hope it was a good ride, the MNPRs are great.

“Step-by-Step”

This is what I want to do, but the reality is that I overload my mind with everything and it turns into a mental mess. Then, panic attacks.

fitter than I have ever been

Again, this is what I want but I don’t like it is possible at all. I seem to make good intentions and then it comes crashing down.

Again, this is what I want but I don’t like it is possible at all. I seem to make good intentions and then it comes crashing down.

It did for me numerous times as well. Stick with it fella. You aren’t just going to wake up one day and the change will happen effortlessly. You will have set backs on road to recovery.

Key thing is that they are just set backs. Persevere and things will improve.

This seems to be a regular topic these days and I too have had the same struggles particularly over the last year following bereavement, diagnoses and other issues. I have ups and downs but the trend for the minute is upwards thankfully so you will get there with time.
I think as others have said it’s a bit of a spiral and if you can break the cycle you might see some improvement little by little.
I basically cut out drinking all together. It wasn’t a major problem for me recently but it doesn’t help and I don’t miss it at all really.
I think routine and sleep are important. I could sit up all night and drop off an hour before i had to get up for work. Even for the best, If you aren’t sleeping then you’ll be tired, you won’t have the concentration or motivation.
Try and force yourself to take up some offers and get out, maybe look at it as an obligation not a choice for the first time, gradually i think you might find it easier and easier to get out until it actually becomes a pleasure again.
I was also introduced to climbing which i absolutely love and has given me a new focus so new hobbies might help. Climbing, indoor at least, is good because you can go alone or with mates and it can be social when you are there if you allow it. You won’t be thinking about much else when you are clinging on to a wall by your fingertips!
Finally i got myself a project in the form of a van for a super basic conversion so that has also given me something to work on and something to look forward to.
I’m finding it more and more easy to worry about things the right amount (I might even have too few f’s to give these days!) and have actually taken pleasure in being able to just do things without all the worry.
All the best mate. Hope things pick up for you shortly.

st colin – Sorry to hear to are feeling that things are on top of you again.

Forget the fitness, the bike the pile of stuff. Just go for a walk. That’s all you need to do for now. Find somewhere with a bit of greenery, trees, wild flowers, some birds and peaceful. You don’t have to go far. Just walk. A little easy thing like walking will do all the things the bike riding will do (except the adrenaline) , pop on some sturdy shoes, take a coat. Go.

Hope to see you on the NMPR in a week or so, over in Marple. I will be slow and possibley walking a lot, pushing the bike. Please come along. You can ride with me and you can either talk or say nothing.

bunnyhop x

Hope to see you on the NMPR in a week or so, over in Marple. I will be slow and possibley walking a lot, pushing the bike.

Ooh, is it a Southern Chapter ride?

I might get a baby sitter and bring the Mrs!

fitter than I have ever been

That’s a big ambition. Can be a bit overwhelming in itself.
Fitter than I was yesterday works ok for me. Helps me get out the door for a ride.
Even the little thought that “I’ll feel better in an hour” can help with that first ride back after a break.

Bunnyhop. I’ll be coming over to keep you company, walking and pushing at the back. I’ve missed our tailender chats 😀

Col – get your arse over with us and you can join us at the back. All the best people are there

@st colin – re the biking, forget any targets, plans or anything.  When I was in a bad way I just focussed on getting out of the door on my bike.  Anything beyond that was a bonus.  Sometimes it was a really short ride because everything was going wrong and my inner critic was just getting more ammunition to stop me trying again, sometimes it was a fire road plod with a stop at the local lake to just sit and be with nature, sometimes it was a load of sweet singletrack with me shredding the gnar on the brown pow (err… OK, sometimes it was a bit of singletrack).  Thing is, I gave myself permission to stop whenever I wanted, to set no goals and to accept the achivement of getting out there.

Waves to binners. Remember we are the still the HtN reigning champions of the mixed team.

Scaled – Harry the Spider and nbt are organising a date very soon.

forget any targets, plans or anything

This is what I wish I could do. When I bought my road bike recently I felt I needed to get out and every ride have a better average speed. Then that is all I focus on. The rationale is that well, if I’m not going faster, I’m not getting fitter.

Will keep an eye out for the next MNPR.

This is what I wish I could do. When I bought my road bike recently I felt I needed to get out and every ride have a better average speed. Then that is all I focus on. The rationale is that well, if I’m not going faster, I’m not getting fitter.

Might I introduce you to this… https://blog.veloviewer.com/veloviewer-explorer-score-and-max-square/

It’s hard to focus on your average speed when you’re sneaking down a private road with your lights off, or jumping over someones front gate because the OS map blatantly lied to you

Interesting scaled. I may add, I am very new to road biking. When mountain biking, it’s more the elevation/strava PRs.

I’m finding that social media is denting my confidence too. I generally don’t care if I see others doing more, going higher, going faster, racing etc. In fact it used to help me motivate myself. Now, it’s making it worse.

When nbt and Harry the Spider have a date. I shall pop it up here the away down south special to Marple. Bring yourself, beer money, something with 2 wheels and your passport.

Fully sympathise.

Been there. Arguably still there however it just become the norm which ironically is worse.

Sorry to read somebody else is struggling. I’m in that place just now aswell. I haven’t felt “normal” for 2.5 – 3 years. Just lethargic, can’t be bothered doing stuff, stressed out, feeling low and generally not very nice to be around.

There have been many contributing factors to this which I won’t go into but just feel like I have been fire fighting and trying to dig myself out this dark hole for years. Some days I get my top half out the hole and feel ok, other days the hole is getting deeper and deeper and I can’t see a way out. This was particularly bad last May and again about 4 – 5 weeks ago when i questioned my place in life. I don’t know what I was planning whether it was just disappearing or something else… but it was a scary place to be and I can understand how people get to that mind set now. It reoccurred a couple of weeks ago after a night out and I went AWOL for a while, I have a total memory blank about what happened and where I was, needless to say it gave me quite a scare and my wife and friends were properly concerned.

However, on the Monday after my best mates phoned me to ask if I was ok, we had a chat and I informed them how I was feeling etc, they were obviously concerned, as was my wife. I was told to make an appointment with my GP which I did and had today. I explained to him how I had been feeling etc and he said i should be proud of myself for coming to him for help as it takes guts to admit your struggling etc, that made me feel much better.

He prescribed me some medication to take and signed me off work for 2 weeks (I’ll go in tomorrow as I wouldn’t see them stuck.. although I shouldn’t give 2 hoots because I have spoken to my boss very recently about the work load and hours and pretty much sod all has changed). Then I’ll be having a chat with him and letting him know I won’t be in the rest of the week or next week. My health is more important.

Anyway, that’s kind of my story (short version). Moral of the story?? Please talk to somebody and see your GP, mine was superb and fully understood how i was feeling, as other have said set yourself small goals, so just say to yourself.. right today I want to walk for 20 mins and maybe do some light weights, even something as simple as that will make you feel good, the next day just set yourself another small target if doing the weights again.. and take it from there. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t fancy going out for a ride 1 day, I have started running again, only doing 3 miles or so but the difference it is making already is incredible, I also lift some light weights every day and seeing how quickly your body changes and starts to tone up is very motivational.

All I need is a helping hand on top of what I’m doing and you may be the same mate. It’s not forever, just take it a day at a time.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Thanks for reading if you make it this far.

Mike

ps, you will be surprised how supportive people can be, my mates are typical blokey blokes.. don’t talk about feeing etc, but without their support recently I really don’t think I’d have gone to the docs.. and who knows where that would have escalated to.

@miked it’s probably too late now but you really shouldn’t attend work when signed off. Your company liability insurance will be invalid and if your immediate supervisor lets you work they are in for a whole world of pain if it goes wrong. Send in the certificate and go ride your bike in the sun.

All the best from another scarred and struggling Mike.

It looks like the MNPR Marple Away Day has been approved by the authorities and visitors from beyond the M60 will be permitted through on a supervised basis. @St Colin, you’d be more than welcome to come along – I should have the MTB tandem back up and running by then if you want a go on the back. The whole point of it was to be able to get Mrs NBT out on the trail when she wasn’t up to riding solo, but since she’ll be on her own bike chatting to Binners I could easily take the tandem and give you an experience you won’t easily forget*

*beer may help, but I can’t guarantee it

@st colin

I`ve not been on here for a while because ive not been riding, and have just read the whole thread.
Lots of Similarities.
I have a thyroid problem that is definately linked to my mental health.
Ive had a tough 2-3 years, some of which involved working from home which for me made the whole apathy and lack of enthusiasm for anythiing worse.
I had a period a while back where my TSH levels had risen again and my GP was really good, when we got the levels back down again and i was still suffering the same depression and anxiety she asked if id consider AD’s
I replied that given where I was, what we’d already tried and the need to keep functioning, it probably wouldnt be a bad idea.
They did help, but for me caused some physical side effects. I tried a few different ones over a 12 month period and have now been off them for 6 months.
I can still be a bit up and down, but the break that the AD’s gave me, allowed me to get a reference effectively, so I now recognise when things are heading in the wrong direction.
Thats happened recently again and low and behold my TSH levels have risen again.

I suppose what Im trying to say is, you are not alone, there is no 1 pill fix and your workable solution may take some experimentation to get right.
But for the day to day stuff, pick the “Low hanging fruit” go for a walk, put the washing on, cut the grass etc, it all helps

Something I learned a long while ago through a 12 step programme:
You can’t think your way back to right living…… you have to live your way back to right thinking

one foot in front of the other, one step at a time, one day at a time

You are not alone, I am not yet out the other side, but I at least now have a greater understanding and toolkit to try and deal with it.
Good luck dude 😉

Thanks for all the other replies, and @cr500dom

Things aren’t much better, overall. However I have managed some more exercise, a couple of bike rides and a few runs. I’m feeling really irritable, and getting easily agitated by things. I’m usually not bothered by the little things.

Also finding my diet is non existant. This has been a big issue for me for years anyway. My current diet consists of no breakfast, then perhaps a bowl of cereal at lunch or mid afternoon if I’m at home, and then a dinner that I don’t have much appetite for. Then I’m eat chocolate and crisps and that’ll make me feel much worse.

Off to Copenhagen this weekend for a short break, and the travel anxieties have started. I can’t explain it really, I always think that something awful will happen when I go away. Even in April when I went to Scotland on the bike for 4 days with mates from home. Had this constant worry that something would go wrong.