Powered by fairy dust. Driven by Jabba the Hut. Every time.

I have a kia c’eed (well mrs Ed does cos my focus went to the scrap so we are back to one car)

not sure if it’s the gearing in it or the ECU chip but it doesn’t like being driven at 70 and if you overtake it’ll do it but the engine sounds really… irked is the best word I can think of, it needs to be reminded that the driver is in charge and that 70 is acceptable

it wants to be driven at 60.. great on fuel for a petrol, loads of toys and a really big boot and legroom in the back – but dull

no I don’t wear a hat

‘One Life, Live It’

The Land Rover it’s usually attached to was possibly road legal once in it’s life and it’s generally a toss up who will have the biggest beer gut and hairiest face – the bloke driving it, or his ever beautiful grunt of a Mrs sat next to him!

Anyone in a Nissan Almera , green ones especially.

anyone in a Nissan almera what, chl? Here’s another correlation – the longer a car related thread goes on, the less chance there is of the replies actually responding to the OP

Travelling at warp factor 10 and the drivers over inflated sense of self worth that requires them to have a personal reg plate.

Stopped at the lights on the way home yesterday. In front of me was an Evo, and in front of that a bus.

The lights changed, the bus set off. After a couple of seconds, the Evo gunned it, revving the knackers off it and roared forwards, for the ten yards or so before he had to brake sharply for the bus which had just about made it to the other side of the junction.

Why?!

Pook – Member

the longer a car related thread goes on, the less chance there is of the replies actually responding to the OP more it becomes a conversation rather than purely being about the original post.

Nissan Micras, regardless of the age, gender, ethnicity or hat wearing tendencies of the driver, are, without exception, a hazard to all other road users.

Two pages and no mention of Range Rovers yet?

I mustn’t tar all of them with the same brush, but there does seem to be a strong correlation between Range Rovers with extra chrome bits, blacked out windows (basically any sort of modification) and dangerously impatient driving.

Murdered out (sic) Range Rovers with personalised number plates. Always, always, round here, driven by fat, inconsiderate idiots or their muppet wives who hurtle down singletrack roads surfaced with squashed bunnies at 60mph to their overpriced barn conversions and expect other traffic to simply vaporise on their approach.

They will slow down for oncoming traffic under certain special circumstances:

• if struck head on by an anti-tank missile
• if the oncoming vehicle is an HGV following an erroneous sat-nav
• erm, that’s it

I’m eagerly awaiting the launch of the special edition Powered By Fairy Dust Range Rover based on Katie Price’s pink personalised one… should be the ultimate fusion of muppet and deadly four-wheeled weapon.

Anything with “addison lee” on it.
Tossers.

This, a thousand times this.

Ok, back to correlations then…

29er bikes in the forest – jumps and berms you’ve just built rolled over and skidded on. 😛
Bit of rain – horse rider gone up the (very clearly a) mountain bike track your working on churning it up. 👿

Range Rover Evoque’s

Pretty much always driven by a certain type of lady.

Perhaps good looking once now its only the beauty salon that keeps her acceptable, she drives her expensive car with vigour to try and recapture the sense of her fading youth. Back to her expensive house filled with fancy baubles and trinkets. Outwarldy her life is comfortable and free of troubles. She would give it all up for her husband to look at her the way he did 10 years ago

+1 for hats, in particular bobble hats on teens in the summer, my neighbours kid (bobble hat afficianado) was bought a fiesta 07 plate, when he passed his test it lasted exacty 1 year before he wrote it off in a boy racer related incident, what did they do 2 weeks later went out and bought him an 07 sxi astra in bright red.
That’ll teach him to be careful on the roads and learn a lesson.

I give anything with an “idiot dent” a wide berth…. ie: a perfectly vertical dent in the rear bumper and bootlid that can only have come from reversing into a bollard/lampost.

What do I win?

Half of my fleet:
– V8 Range Rover;
– 1.0 Micra imported from Singapore with idiot dents from fence posts in the driver’s door/front wing.

People driving people carriers, specifically Poxhall Zafira’s drive like utter weapons. Whether it’s because they’re just filled with anger because the Mrs made them buy it, or they’re out to prove something (God knows what), they should be banned. Yes you fat squat skinhead, I’m referring to you

Oi, I’ve a C-max.

Fact’s about C-max’s – you can fit a double matress in the back if you’ve no kids and therefore no rear seats in it and there’s kneeling room 😛

= driven by

The car that waits to pull out in front of you at the last moment never achieves the speed limit.

This, times a million. I don’t know why but it irritates me massively. I just hate people that launch out of side roads as though their life depends on it, causing me to have to brake, and then they go 30 in a 40. Like wtf?

Oh and people that stop on roundabout cross-hatch areas so a complete light cycle occurs without me being able to move, OK occasionally it’s just people that misjudged the traffic flow but so often you see people nipping out on their amber/red change when it’s obvious they’ve going to block traffic coming from the left. Sometimes I wish I had a carton of eggs in the car so I cold launch some at them.

having read all this thread I am so pleased I haven’t driven since Feb 2nd, just reminds me of all the things that wind me up when in the car.

That said, I’m bored friggin sick sat at home all day, well apart from all the cycling i’ve watched since then 😀

Can’t believe nobody has mentioned ‘baby on board’ signs

Just what purpose do they serve – other than to warn other road users that the driver is about to do something incredibly stupid/inconsiderate?

Nissan Micras and BMWs are gradually being superseded by (new) Minis and Audis.

The absolute worst thing I can imagine is a red Nissan Micra, being driven by a spectacled old bloke who can only just see over the steering wheel, wearing a flat cap and driving gloves, sporting a ‘L’ plate, a ‘baby on board’ sign and a ‘powered by fairy dust’ sticker – with pink fluffy covers on steering wheel and seat belts. (Possibly with a fish badge on the bumper)

The couple who live opposite me have a ‘baby on board’ and a ‘back off, toddler on board’ stickers in the rear window of their 4X4. We live at the end of a Cul-de-sac which has lots of young kids playing in the street and out of everyone who lives nearby they are the only ones who feel the need to bomb down our road at 35mph and slam the car into their drive.

It’s starting to really wind me up.

4×4 – that’s the hardest sum they can do. (And, even then, they need to take their socks off);)

go round and have a word with them and whatever you say just end with

“wont you think of the children”

No, I hate children. I want them to plough into a few of the little shits, then get put away for a few years so their kids end up in some home from hell. It’s win win for me.

50 to 55 mph in the middle lane of a motorway,hogging the lane, without any awareness about anything except the 10 ft in front of them. Good conditions, not much traffic on first or second lane, just cars on the outside.
Illegal to undertake. Overtaking requires sitting at 45 or 50 let them get ahead by a far distance, then accelerating and moving into the second and then outside lane.

Head position – fixed at straight ahead only. Would require some movement i guess to look at the speedo, conditions and the mirrors or move lane. Body position in seat – so upright you drive slowly thus removing the need to brake which in turn would result in tipping fowards.

Crazy.

Ok, someone explain the 3 month bump?

Jamie
Ok, someone explain the 3 month bump?

Got a baby on the way, or just too much cake?? 😉

Out riding today there were about 15 of us taking up the left lane and the cycle advance box of the left side only. A white freelander ploughs through the box and his whole car is in front of the white line passed the box.

Funnily his reg was actually PN15, mad me chuckle.

(Motor)bike helmets with fake ears / horns / mohicans, etc, stuck on. No, you’re not amusing, you just look stupid. Ditto eyelashes on headlights. Please bugger off you waste of skin.

Irony strikes. I am like a midget Jabba and I have been looking at a 2nd hand 4×4 whith this exact sticker on the back..

Small hatchback, lowered and windows darkened. Exhaust cost more than the car is worth = c0ckmobile. Will be driven by said c0ck.
Loudness of exhaust is inversely proportional to top speed of car.

I’m genuinely baffled by the new breed of the ‘centre lane owners club’ who drive at about 75 in the cruising lane first overtaking lane until they get behind a slower vehicle, then just sit there until it pulls across when they go back up to 75. No effort to anticipate or move into lane 3, even if there’s absolutely nothing behind for miles.

Can anyone explain any logic to this?

edit – Oh, and you can’t buy that CRV, if only for the fact the previous owner has made no effort to put the spare wheel cover back on straight the last time it was used.

and its got a dent in it. Makes it more appealing..

Can anyone explain any logic to this?

Some people think changing lanes is dangerous.

So on safely entering the motorway from the slip (at about 40 mph) they’ll immediately axe across into the second lane irrespective of whether there’s the empty lanes or it’s rush hour, then stay there for the next 200 miles until they’re faced with that difficult “leaving the motorway again” dilemma.

I had an incident with one of them centre lane idiots.

I was doing 70 and this character overtook me doing about 75. A mile or 2 later a few HGVs were in lane 1 with a car and caravan overtaking in lane 2. This clown slowed to 60 so I moved over into lane 3 to overtake her and the car and caravan.

The car and caravan cleared the HGVs, moved back into lane 1 as I was just clearing the clown in lane 2 at which point she started to accelerate really hard leaving me stranded at the side of her in lane 3.

I ended up flooring it just to get clear of her. WTF are they thinking ?!?!?!?

That’s exactly it Simmy. With the old style CLOC, you could understand that they were going slower than 70, so leave lane 3 for overtakers, but faster than trucks, so don’t go in 1. Bobbins, but some logic at least. The new breed, I just can’t fathom.

I’m a superb driver and have no problems with other roadusers who obviously respect and recognise my skills.

For example, I can be bumbling along at 45mph in the middle lane and want to get into the slow lane, and all I have to do is swerve over without signalling. The other drivers give me cheery pomps on their horns and wave energetically.

In a slow moving queue of traffic I can just move over and everyone gives way (even the master race cars) and lets me in. Also more happy tooting and waving.

It’s gratifying to have my skills so openly respected.

Strangely when I’m not driving my rusty dented Ford Transit I don’t get recognised so easily.

Driving the missus’s tiny Fiat is very stressful because of the lack of respect. I think there’s tooting and such but I can’t hear or see it because of the high pitched whining and agitated gestures coming from the passenger seat.

Men driving a shopping trolley with 170bhp+. I always think sad/bless-either (22-35) live at home with his parents still or (35-45) 5ft8 in height.

Beside me it’s Audi drivers, new models, old models, doesn’t seem to matter they all drive like t*ts, they seem to have taken over from Beemer drivers.
Another beside me is older drivers who travel at 40mph everywhere, 60mph limit then 50mph limit and even when they get to the 30mph limit its still 40mph and when they get to hills they lose the ability to press the go pedal harder or change gear, and breathe… i feel better now.

Taxi Drivers
Plumbing and Heating Engineers
Multi drop delivery drivers.
Anyone who was not born in the UK
Blokes with status cars on credit.
Women who look the other way(didn’t see him)
Women in 4×4’s updating their Facebook status.
Frustrated dads in tourans.
Young people.
Estate agents
Recruitment agents
Anyone who just doesn’t get it yet.

Anyone who is not me.