Porkies you believed for years – tell me yours

I was told that thunder was the noise made by the clouds bumping together. That's not as bad as some friends of ours, a Christian family, who told their son (same age as me) that thunder was the noise made by angels fighting.

My partner used to tell her 2 kids that power station cooling towers were in fact, cloud factories.

that isis bb's would work for a decent amount of time

When i was doing my aprenticeship,at 16,i made a box and for some reason made the box the wrong size,foreman walks up, and says,i used to work for your uncle(undertaker) and he made coffins all one size to save money,and if somebody tall died and they couldnt fit them in the coffin,he would send me down to the council depot to borrow one of those big rubber hammers they use for bashing down paving slabs,a few heavy blows on the knees,and the dead persons legs would be broken,then all we did was push them up inside the trousers and turn up the trousers at the bottom.

I was absolutely horrified,but i made sure that everything i made was the right size from then on.

Six years later,the old foreman retired,and at his leaving party,he wished me the best for the future,just follow the family and youll be alright,so i asked him about my uncle,smashing the kneecaps of dead people,and that i had hardly spoken to him for 6 years.

He looked at me,and just said Son it was a joke,didnt you get the joke.

No says i,and ever since then havent taken things seriously.

I lost my teddy bear when I was about 7, broken hearted untill my dad told me he was working the traffic lights in Crumlin. That was fine for me, found the Ted in the boot of my sisters trike 6 months later.

I thought the big practice tower at the fire station was for the fireman to stand on top looking out for fires 😯

Many years ago, my younger brother pointed at a map and said 'daddy, is this where you work?' – My dad wasn't paying attention and said 'yes', so for years, my brother thought our dad commuted to Antarctica every day!

Before I knew about spunk I thought that bollocks were just tanks for your piss.

A bit like WCAs, when I was about four or five my sister told me I was adopted and her real brother, Peter had died after choking on some mashed potato and I if I told my mum and dad that I knew they would send me away to a home.

Mentioned this to her recently and she was mortified by what she had done, completely forgotten about it, although I didnt believe for quite as long as WCAs cousin.

My older brother told me that stones grew. Only if they were left under the soil, obviously.

I remember being rather shocked to discover that France was bigger than Britain. Noone had misled me I was just a bit jingoist at 6 yrs or whatever I was. Ditto that Jesus hadn't been British.

Used to believe that there were weapons of mass distruction in Iraq, to think the Goverment was lying…who would of though it. 🙄

I was told that my friend's uncle had lost the end of his finger by sticking it too far up his nose, and getting it stuck.

It just made me try harder… 🙄 😀