Porkies you believed for years – tell me yours

My grandad on my moms side was a bit of a card, sadly he is no longer with us, but something I will always remember about him was his tales from WWII, from as long ago as I can remember he used to tell me stories of being in the RAF, how he preferred the Hurricane to the 'pretty boy' Spitfire, how the plane got him home when it was shot to bits, tales of coming out of the sun and watching Jerry erupt in a ball of flame after a quick burst from his guns and many other stories of flying fighters during the war.
However, at 16 I discovered that although he was in the RAF for the whole of WWII the nearest he came to fighting was boxing for them against the other services. He was a lorry driver before, during and after the war.

So what porkies have you been told that you still remember fondly and deep inside wish they were actually true, but do not feel any resent/animosity or whatever that they were not?

Santa claus is real…

if you swallow bubbly gum it will attach to your ribs and when you grow it will snap and kill you………. 8)

There's a big round grassy hill on the way into Nottingham (which i now know is a slag heap), my mum told me a dinosaur was buried under it.

I was taken in by an April Fool on Blue Peter in the early 80s about a new musicl player that could store the entire Top 40 and was only a little bigger than a sugar cube. How my relatives laughed a Christmas or two later when I repeated it at a family gathering and my older cousin pointed out it was an April Fool.

What an idiot I was to believe a tiny box could store as many as 40 songs 😉

That there is a little man inside the parking machines who pushes the ticket out, my dad is a funny man….

I have loads of these. Not neccessarily porkies, but things that I've believed since being a kid and then when I actually stop and think about the penny drops. Can't think of any right now!

that the tune on the ice cream van is to tell you he has sold out.

If you type the word "Google" into Google you'll break the Internet.

that the tune on the ice cream van is to tell you he has sold out.

Ours was similar to that – it was 'the ice cream van only comes round when it isn't hot and sunny to collect money for charity'.

And lightening is made when two clouds hit each other.

Toast makes your hair curly.

as a young boy my cousins told me that the large training tower at the local fire station actually housed the firemans pole Which they slid down in an emergency. It didnt dawn on me for a few years!. 😀

I wish my dad had told me the truth about all that he had done during the Spanish Civil War. I discovered only a few weeks ago as a result of an internet search, that he had been shot down and injured. My brother says that he had told him, but he never told me (he's been dead 17 years) He also told one of my sisters, but she says that she never believed him and thought that he was making it up. I also only recently found out that he had been the Spanish airforce. He always talked about having volunteered to fight in the International Brigades, but he never told me that he had volunteered to fight in Spain before they had even been formed and had joined the airforce. Whilst I can understand how some people need to blot out the horrors of war, I wish my dad had told me more about his heroic deeds ….. git.

Gasometers contain hot ribena. My dad told me that when I was about 6 and because I just believed it I never thought about it. I then repeated this 'fact' when I was about 14 or 15 and got merciliessly ribbed about it for years. Shows how easy it is to make children believe in complete bollocks

My Grandad was in the Royal Artillery and said their nickname ("The Nine Mile Snipers") was because they could split a telegraph pole at nine miles on the second shot.

I reckon that's a porkie, but I like that he used to tell them 🙂

Cheese hums in the fridge at night. I was told that this was why the fridge makes a humming noise.

Once I was old enough to start questioning things, I asked why the cheese hums, and was told, "It's the bacterial action". Which actually makes a lot of sense. To a credible 12 year old…..

Dad enquired why was I still awake so late at night? Having had Ready Brek for supper, told him I was waiting for the glow to come….

Last week seems so long ago now.

juan
Santa claus is real…

What do you mean..? He is real, isn't he? 😥

I told my 4 year old daughter that cats eyes in the road were actually buried cats cue lots of tears 16 years later I still don't think she has forgiven me

Until I was about 12, I used to go to a big building with a lot of other people – and a nice man stood up and told us about this chap who did a bit of world making, a great deal of smiting and I think he "begat" something, but I'm buggered if I can remember what.

Utterly preposterous obviously – but kids will believe anything I suppose….

I told my young cousin that she was adopted but mustn't tell her 'parents' as they would get upset. Never thought about it agin until about 12 years later when she turned 18 and asked me if I knew where she could find her real mum as she felt she needed to bond with her to remove the emptyness that had been gnawing away inside here since she found out she was adopted.

Whoops!

The government knows what its doing and has everyones best interests at heart?

Meritocracy

Having to duck when driving through a tunnel, still have the urge to do it now sometimes 😉

Wind is caused by the movement of trees.

Lol @ wca

That the UK is a democracy.

Oral s*x is when you just talk about it….. after questioning pater after seeing it mentioned in the Monty python's the holy grail at about ten, b*****d

Not something I was told, but when I heard, or read about someone's 'estranged' partner, I firmly believed that the poor person was in a mental institution. 😳
I honestly believed that, probably into my late teens, early twenties. 😯

B.

I told my work mates that "Gullible" is the only word missing from the English Dictionary. Sorry, thats not a lie as it IS actually missing! 🙄

that Columbus discovered America

(already posted in the Petesgaff thread but…..)

My dad was a sickly kid and had an operation on his kidney and liver when he was a kid. he told me toe scars were where he was bayonetted by a german in the war.

i believed this until old enough to realise he was born in 1948 😕

Do well at school, get your exams, do your A Levels, go to University and get a degree and you'll get a good job.

My dad's still peddling this b0ll0x to my younger brother 🙂

As a kid I thought everything in 'the olden days' was in black n white…

I guess this was from watching old black n white films.

Stupids! 😀

that the wrekin in shropshire was a clod of earth that a big giant who was annoyed with the townsfolk of shrewsbury dropped on route to dam the severn up and flood shrewsbury because he was tired and the ercall next to the wrekin was where he scrapped his boots before heading home…

in fact the wrekin is just a large lump of very old igneous rock…

God.

Good god WCA – is that true?

That the black market was a place that my dad visited from time to time. I visualized it as an indoor market that was very dark inside.

Yesterday I convinved a colleague that the full name of the "Rob" she was going to meet was actually Robin Banks. I say convinced, in reality she never gave it a second thought 🙂

It is okay, she is out of counselling and even talks to me now.

Never married, never had kids, struggles with relationships.

Funny what a throw away comment of a 12 year old can do.

As a kid I thought everything in 'the olden days' was in black n white…

Talking of olden days…When my daughter was learning about the Romans she told us it was a good job Grandad lived in America otherwise he'd have had to have fought the Romans when he was a boy.

My Uncle always went 'to see a man about a dog'….mustn't have liked any of them because he never came back with one in 6 years!

Took me years to suss it but I was always told not to walk with my hands in my pockets because it makes you fall over.