Poorest films you've seen?

D0NK – Member
that horrendous woman who’s name I cannot bear to even remember, long pointy face something about wives
can you give us the quick clue coz I’m getting nowhere with the cryptic.

Doh she was in another horror movie with Matthew Maconaghey, ‘Failure to launch’ honestly pre senile dementia setting in, have totally blanked her out she’s so not a day on florida beach.

Who was that dissing the greatest movie of all time back there Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, even made the Benedict Cumbersome look capable of acting.

edit, googled that failure to launch, Sarah Jessica Parker, definitely falls under the heading ‘unattractive to men sir’

Drac – Moderator
Actually you can add any Daniel Day-Lewis film to the list.

Not seen Last of the Mohicans then.

Or My Beautiful Launderette, or Unbearable Lightness of Being etc etc etc.

I’ve just watched Haywire on Film4 – utter shite

I am legend – garbage

There’s been three, which one?

Land of the lost. What the actual **** was all that about.?

The second Hobbit film – far too long and at variance from the book.

Ghost Dog. Poor script and even worse acting.

Terminator 3 was awful.

Drac – Moderator

There Will Be Blood.

Oh hell yes, a film where all the characters were hateful & I really didn’t care what happened to any of them.
Stupidly the wife & I stuck with it till the end! We both agreed the evening would have been better spent doing anything else.

Men In White without a doubt.

Freddy Got Fingered but only cos no one will watch it with me 🙁

Cherry 2000, Eraserhead, more recently In Bruges. The first Hobbit film was poor and we’re very unlikely to be buying the second.

Boxing Helena rings a bell for poorness, too. The follow up to The Rocky Horror Picture Show was awful.

Truly, Madly, Deeply should get an honourable mention. Tedious chick-flick drivel.

Cletus – Member

The second Hobbit film – far too long and at variance from the book.

“So we’re introducing a new character”
“Uh, OK, who?”
“A female elf warrior”
“Hmm. But why?”
“To be the love interest for Legolas”
“wut”

And all that black arrow pish, what the hell? Still, at least something actually happens in it, even if it is all drivel.

Battle Los Angeles – hands down the worst film I’ve ever watched, oh and Daredevil is piss poor as well.

Mutant Chronicles with Ron Pearlman and John Malkovich.
I suspect they had large tax bill come in unexpectedly to make them appear in that rubbish.
Waste of 2 hours of my life….

Not seen Last of the Mohicans then.

Like I said any Daniel Day-Lewis film including that massive cheesefest. Nice back drop though.

You’ve got to rate Gangs of New York surely?

I think you could pretty much do a sub-thread with the poorest films you’ve ever watched starring Michael Caine. Here’s ‘Bullseye!’

300 rise of an empire just appalling, dire boring dull rubbish shite.

Thomas and The Magic Railroad.

You’ve got to rate Gangs of New York surely?

Had potential but failed.

film threads make me so angry but theres no point arguing…

worst film ever is Green Street.

I’d forgotten one: Piglet’s Big Movie. So crap that even my (then) 4 year old daughter on her first ever visit to the cinema got bored.

Eat, pray, love.

…..and I actually paid to watch it, all of it 😡

This seems relevant…

http://www.buzzfeed.com/louispeitzman/how-many-bad-movies-have-you-seen

(…though again I think some of those movies are actually okayish, even if they aren’t high art)

Cloud Atlas – expected better but spent most of the first hour laughing at the fake noses.

conan the barbarian, the new one – plot, acting, it has neither
scorpion king 2, see above, and not even any decent action
inglorious basturds, tried a few times, failed to find it interesting in any way and never made it past the start

On the Adam Sandler question, while he is undoubtedly a very poor actor, I did enjoy Happy Gilmore. Any film pointing out the ghastliness of golf has some merit, and of course the immortal exchange:
Shooter McGavin: “I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast”
Happy Gilmore: “You eat pieces of shit for breakfast!”

Also Citizen Kane is consistently rated as one of the best ever. I kept waiting for it to get going. Dull, very dull.

Citizen Kane

it is dull. But I guess you do need to view it in the context of history and I’d say that’s why people appreciate it, ie. they are viewing it through the scale of what it did, at the time. Suppose its similar to metropolis. If released yesterday itd be rotten. But it wasn’t so you need to take the era into account.

Sandlers sold out, but as said Happy Gilmore is great – as is Punch Drunk Love and The Wedding Singer.

cannot comprehend the Inglorious comment. its one of the best openings in cinema ever!?

inglorious basterds, shall not be accepted, great film.

This seems relevant…

This has reminded me that I walked out of The Avengers, thus making it the only film I’ve walked out on. Meet Joe Black is still worse purely on the grounds that they were really trying.

Independence Day – so bad on so many different levels. I’m always surprised to be the first to suggest that on such threads.

I think we need a female equivalent to the Adam Sandler/Daniel Day Lewis/Nicholas Cage bilge-fest

Any film with Jennifer ‘I used to be in Friends, and have a haircut’ Anniston in it. How the hell they keep paying that woman to make films is beyond me. I believe she made one recently with Adam Sandler. A critical mass of unwatchable drivel was reached. Mark Kermode said it was the worst film he’s eve seen. I have no reason to doubt him

My Direness Scale works on potential vs outcome.

A film has a huge budget, decent actors, good source material and is still a turkey is a much bigger crime than a low budget young director whith ideas that don’t quite pan out. And add a star for gratuitous inclusion of either space ships or Jim from Neighbours.

The high spot of awfulness by those criteria is Prometheus.

Indiana Jones the Crystal Skull redeemed itself with one scene.

But then it is self-selecting – I know not to put myself through anything with Jennifer Aniston, either of Brangelina or Tom Hanks. or anything based on a computer game.

Indiana Jones the Crystal Skull redeemed itself with one scene.

Go on… ?

I walked out of Alien Nation (aware that ages me !)

It had Jim from Neighbours in it ! Keep up down the back there….

Mike from Neighbours is in quite a few films too. Kiwi actors get points too for example the guy who plays McCoy in the new Star Trek.

I cant defend Jennifer Aniston apart from being filthy in Horrible Bosses and tbh i quite liked Along Came Polly.. but i will stick up for Nic Cage. He has been in some drivel granted (who hasnt) but Leaving Las Vegas is an all time fave and his is one of the best performances ive seen. he has been in some other belters too, Matchstick Men, Adaptation, Bringing Out The Dead, Kick Ass.. Con Air was good too and i even liked Face Off. so to dismiss ‘anything with Nic Cage in’ is ridiculous.