Poorest films you've seen?

Seven, I walked out of the cinema.

any film i’ve watched by lars von trier 😡

don’t know what it is about his films,but i just cannot stand the pomposity/self indulgent toss that he seems to produce.

Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium maybe it was Magic rather than Wonder in the UK. Large family trip to cineplex, lowest common denominator of the films that no one had seen for the age range present. No redeeming features. This was a full price event, including popcorn, not just a video rental you could shrug off.

After suffering of approximately 20 minutes of the Hell Ride (resulting in permanent and irreparable lowering of my IQ) I have made it my life’s mission to ensure this film gets mentioned any time I stumble upon a forum thread anywhere on the Web, asking for the worst films ever.

The trailer below contains more cheese than average Swiss village:

Well, in the highest, time honoured, traditions of the STW forum. I have failed to read every post and still declare myself the winner for not only selecting a very poor film (buckaroo Banzai across the 8th dimension) but also the most obscure.

Thank you all so much, I really don’t deserve this award, however. I’d like to thank…….

You shouldn’t be surprised that a Fast and Furious film is bad, but I was a bit surprised that Fast 5 doesn’t have anything good about it whatsoever. Apart from the Rock obviously, nothing with the Rock in it can be totally bad.

Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. Utter, utter drivel. Remains to this day the only film I’ve ever fallen asleep during in the cinema. Was dragged to see it by the then girlfriend and her sister.

Ramsey Neil – Member

anything with Nicholas Cage in it.

Very much in agreement.

eltonorino, saw the box last night, can’t believe I stayed up so late for such utter pish.

Predator vs Aliens & the sequel Requiem. both utter pish!

George Clooney’s Batman, tried to hard to be 60’s kitsch a la Adam West and failed miserably.

Almost every film with Will Ferrel in. (I can watch Megamind though).

Many many fine examples mentioned. I’ll add another from Nicholas Cage – Snake Eyes. Snake Shit more like.

oooh that reminds me – controversy coming here

Natural Born Killers. Having very much enjoyed both reservoir dogs and pulp fiction, when I saw a “less than legitimate” copy on VHS at a local flea market some weeks before the scheduled UK cinema release, I acquired a copy. It was GASH. The story wasn’t great and the quality was rubbish, the film seemed to be shot through a purple filter or something. Some months later while at the cinema to see a midnight showing, we found our chosen film was full so I reluctantly agreed to go into NBK on the basis that the dodgy pirate copy I’d seen had adversely affected my opinion and the cinema quality would make it better

it didn;t. The film was shot through a purple filter. I went to sleep. I’d have gone home if I hadn;t needed a lift home

sbob – Member
Ramsey Neil – Member
anything with Nicholas Cage in it.

Very much in agreement.In fairness, Raising Arizona is class, as is kick ass(although he was the worst thing about it!) but in general, you’re not far off.

Solaris

navel gazing toshThis,

anything with Nicholas Cage in it.

this,

Almost every film with Will Ferrel in

and this.

Lets add, every Adam Sandler movie to the list.

alanf – Member
Blair witch

+1

I’d also add most of Quentin Tarantino’s pretentious drivel work, but that’s probably more of a personal taste thing rather than a lack of quality.

The “winner” though has to be Showgirls: despite watching it drunk, with the promise of much gratuitous boobage, my mate and I walked out of the cinema.

Almost every film with Will Ferrel in.

will ferrel in the cast list is a contra-indicator, I somehow got stuck watching Talladega Nights, pretty bloody awful but when Sacha Baren Cohen walked on screen I snapped, not a chance in hell I was watching anymore.

Shoot ’em up was worse tho, switched that off even quicker than talladega.

anything with Nicholas Cage in it.

Abso-bloomin-lutely! He provides a valuable public service by flagging up, with his horse-faced presence, films that will be absolutely bloody awful!

Worst film I’ve seen for a good while? Angelina Jolie being an action hero? Sounds like a winner. The English language doesn’t have the words to fully express how toe-curlingly awful it is! Its laughably atrocious for about 15 minutes, then you have to turn it off

Battleships is easily the worst film I’ve ever had to have the misfortune to lose time watching.

Otherwise Jilly Cooper’s Riders (film for TV: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095401/) was easily the worst film I’ve ever watched with regard to direction, plot, continuity and all those other things that make a film work as a film, but I actually really enjoyed it (probably because it had myself and the rest of the family in post-Chrismtmas dinner hysterics. Tears, absolute floods of them.)

Bring it on, so bad I’d have walked out if it had been an in flight movie. I never let Mrs hoppy choose what we went to see after that.

Battleships is easily the worst film I’ve ever had to have the misfortune to lose time watching.

Someone made a film about an electronic table game for kids, from the 70s ?

IHN – are you not coming to realise something here yet? The one film loads of people absolutely love, and revere as genius, you can’t stand. And the one that you really like, everyone pretty universally condemns as utter gash (it is BTW!)

And you also like Coldplay?

😆

I can understand how Highlander divides opinion but I’m pretty confident there will be unanimity about Highlander 2. Don’t be tempted to watch any of it just to see how bad it is.

thepurist – Member
I can understand how Highlander divides opinion but I’m pretty confident there will be unanimity about Highlander 2. Don’t be tempted to watch any of it just to see how bad it is.

****much grumble hurmphing and banging on the seat in agreement!****

Oh yeah seem to remember sliding doors being bad, mind you I was hammered when my GF dragged me to watch it and I took the piss out of it – so I had a fun couple of hours, it’s the other occupants of the cinema I feel sorry for, having to put up with that god awful film and some pissed up arsehole heckling throughout.

I quite liked Pi

theres a slightly better directors cut of highlander 2, its still silly though

The tree of life.

This is the only film where I’ve ever left the cinema before it finished. Utter tosh.

I use the Guardian film guide on a Friday as a reverse scale. Any film that gets 5 stars is usually a sure sign you need to steer well clear of it, as it’ll be some pretentious toss, probably with subtitles, invariably in black and white, which will have no defined beginning or end. Or story. And will be 2 hours of your life you’ll never get back.

If they slate it as brainless, stupid and crass, it’ll have exploding helicopters and stuff, and probably be ace 😀

I have another to add, 47 Ronin, I just read the book about a month ago and thought cool, this should be cracking, the book was excellent. How wrong was I, turned off after 15 minutes, Keanu Reeves should be deleted from every movie database on the interwebz!

Recently, (relative to hype) The Lego Movie. Just not very entertaining, predictable, and unfunny.

Guy at my old place raved about Superbad – “you must watch it, it’s brilliant, it’s SOOOOOOO funny!”. Credits and five minutes, had to turn it off. No redeeming features.

Had the same thing with Anchorman.

Bonfire of the vanities – based on a poor novel , the premise of which was the arrogance and awfulness of the main character- so they cast cuddly old Tom Hanks as him , making him instantly likeable and the film with nowhere to go for the next two miserable hours

Barbwire FTW!

Coyote Ugly
The Postman – in fact, any film with Kevin Costner in it

The Box (on Film 4 last night) is the worst film I’ve seen in a while.

mr potatohead – Member
Bonfire of the vanities – based on a poor novel , the premise of which was the arrogance and awfulness of the main character- so they cast cuddly old Tom Hanks as him , making him instantly likeable and the film with nowhere to go for the next two miserable hours

I’ve never watched the film, as I looked at the casting and wondered if someone was having a laugh. They also took the character of an Oxford Educated English journalist and cast…. Bruce Willis 😯

shite I’d forgotten Willis was in it , must have bleached it from my mind he was so bad .

But while we’re at it Willis as th anti-hero in the virtually unfilmable novel by Kurt Vonnegut , vanity project gone badly awry

IHN – are you not coming to realise something here yet? The one film loads of people absolutely love, and revere as genius, you can’t stand. And the one that you really like, everyone pretty universally condemns as utter gash (it is BTW!)

It’s not something I’m coming to realise, its something I’ve known for a long time; I’m right and everyone else is wrong 🙂

What is this supposed genius of W&I though? The unfunny gags? How cheap it looks? How boring it is? How unlikeable the characters are?
It’s a film that people first see in 6th form and think they’re dead clever for liking it because it’s all do do with booze and drugs and (pathetically) rebelling against ‘the system’ and they can quote the lines from it to each other in the Student Union bar. It is very probably Viz’s Student Grant’s favourite film. If anyone, like I did, sees it for the first time over the age of 25 they’ll realise that it’s drivel.

Anything by Terence Malick is utter shite. I’m a reasonably well educated chap and most film hacks and academic type people fawn over anything he has done. As far as I can see its utter utter pretentious guff. I’m obviously not as smart as I thought I was.. 😐

Zardoz by John Boorman; absolute baloney, Sean Connery must regret that one. Mind you it did start a lifelong fantasy about Charlotte Rampling so it can’t have been that bad.

muppetWrangler – Member

Wings of the Apache. Nicholas Cage in a Top Gun in helicopters action flick. Only film that’s ever caused me to walk out of the cinema.

A definite contender. Makes Top Gun look like a particularly sober documentary.

Roman Polanski’s ‘The Ghost’ is the closest I’ve come to leaving a cinema. It stars Ewan McGregor as a biographer drafted in to ghost-write the autobiography of a warmongering former British prime minister (Pierce Brosnan, I could probably stop right there) who bears a ridiculously overplayed similarity to Tony Blair.

Kim Cattrall’s appearance was the first sign of things going badly wrong. Her dialogue in the scene where she’s flirting with Ewan McGregor was supposed to be titillating. Instead, the audience was in stitches.

It’s almost so bad it’s good. Almost.

they cast cuddly old Tom Hanks as him , making him instantly likeable

Maybe I should watch that, I quite like hating Tom Hanks.