#TOTW Pathetic acts of gnaar of which you are disproportionately proud.

Mine’s riding up the kerb off the road and immediately down the steps to the canal near the station in Furness Vale. Those that know it will agree that it could definitely feature in any future Rampage…

So, what’s the bit of, ahem, “tech”, that you can clear that makes you feel like some kind of hero?

I’m an Enduro racer and this weekend i’m a DH racer… at 50 years of age…

Admittedly i’m the WORST Enduro and DH racer on the planet…. but hey, i’m a racer 😀

Any time both wheels come off the ground at the same time!

I’m usually a bit of a fanny riding, but there’s a couple of bits of trail that I know like the back of my hand and yeah… I’ve got a couple of moves… if you know what I mean 😉

In my head I’m sailing over stuff flat as a pancake like Brandon Fairclough on his best day, in reality I’ve gone over a whoop on a groomed bit of trail centre and turned the bike a hardly perceivable amount, but it makes me happy.

Pulling “big air” in front of the Rampage cliffs…

Having bottled it first time (hence the “take 2” audio) I don’t think I ever had the bottle to try this again

graceful 😀

I likes the title “Givin it medium”, that made me chuckle 🤣

In my head I was a riding god nailing the DH track, in reality the DH track nailed me…

On a later day I crashed on the drop at 2m18 on the above video, breaking my thumb (Bennett’s fracture) – haven’t ridden the track since.

@nbt – I was disappointed the person filming didn’t end that with a “No, didn’t get it. You’ll have to do it again.”

My pride disappears quickly whenever my 13yo rides the things I took years to work up the courage to do. Quick look, shrug and he’s over it.

This was the best of several very mediocre attempts that all felt huuuuuge…

https://www.instagram.com/p/CVsu98JliUs/

This was also a challenge (to me), but it was before I went to Yair with @singlespeedstu…

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS133cjsA2W/

Clearing Dave’s Descent in Penn Woods without a dab does it for me. Nemesis in the same woods has been done, never consistently & now it seems my bottles gone.

I have cleared Dalbeaties Slab fully naked, rather a long time ago.

This was also a challenge (to me), but it was before I went to Yair with @singlespeedstu…

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS133cjsA2W/

Them is some properly active forks! 🙂

Jules that doesn’t count as it wasn’t even slightly pathetic, it was pretty impressive in my book.

Any time both wheels come off the ground at the same time!

Does by accident count?

Down the steps outside the local high school.

One glorious occasion a kid shouted, “Oi, you stole my stunt!”

@doomanic.
You didn’t look all that scared at Yair.
Not like on Trailfairys. 😜

I wasn’t scared on Trailfairys, I was tired and hung-over. And tricked into doing it as a warm-up by a “mate”… 😀

Anything where you get a bit loose and 5mph faster than normal. Doesn’t count if someone films it as the mental illusion is quickly shattered when reality is played back to you.

One glorious occasion a kid shouted, “Oi, you stole my stunt!”

Yeah, that’s definitely what they shouted 😉

@nbt – You get extra points for doing it on that ellsworth joker.

One glorious occasion a kid shouted, “Oi, you stole my stunt!”
Yeah, that’s definitely what they shouted

That’s what I heard, so that’s what they shouted 🙂

Clearing the plank over the ditch on the way back from the pub. I’ve been doing it for over 30 years, its about 6″ wide and half a mile long (OK about 6ft long) and I’ve never failed to make it, no matter how drunk.

So I’ll report back my injures after tonight then.

My Edge 530 bleeps whenever I get air. It took me 3 months to find this out but now I feel awesome whenever it happens.

Beaten to it on the stunt comment!

And tricked into doing it as a warm-up by a “mate”… 😀

I did ask you a couple of times if you were sure you wanted to do it first.😁

You did indeed, next trip I’ll listen to you…

Rode my new bike at Leeds Bike Park the other week and joined the main trail at a short cut section I hadn’t used before. Brought my straight into a jump and at more speed than usual. Actually cleared the table top and landed on the down slope as a kid was sitting at the side waiting to film his mate.

I’m pretty sure he thought I looked awesome, and not shit scared at the accidental extra air I’d got!!

A perfect singletrack corner on the CX bike, sort of muddy but with a coating of pine needles. Slightly uphill so I pedalled in fast and confident, both wheels slid but I kept pedalling so the back wheel was spinning and sliding at the same time before it caught and I spat out the other side.

In fact, most corners on the CX bike, it seems designed to always slide but always let you away with it, and since I purposely go looking for flat muddy trails I’m usually pedalling round most corners as well. Doing this all at 5mph doesn’t seem to diminish how awesome it feels! 😁

I did ask you a couple of times if you were sure you wanted to do it first.😁

A cunning use of reverse psychology 😀

My contribution:

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CXG-rDzPbmC/?utm_medium=copy_link

The drop itself isn’t big but the run-in is a bit tricky and yadda yadda yadda. I was made up when I rode it, but it doesn’t half look unimpressive!

Oooh I remembered another one!

This really is a good as it ever got for me.

10 years ago Mates and I took a trip to Whistler to ride the Bike Park, we were happily riding the blue flow trails (about my level), but I managed to lose the back of our train. As I arrived at a clearing I thought I saw one of my pals entering a trail (I had, but I confused which trail they’d started) and ended up riding a Technical Black, it was all rocks, roots, drops and a couple of (not very high) ladder bridges that bounced when you rode over them. I took a couple of bites out of my shorts on the way down, and it was slow and messy, but I ‘cleared’ it, even better than that, I emerged out of the end right in front of our group. Paul Aston of Pinkbike ‘fame’ was our guide that day and said “Yeah, we don’t ride that trail in the wet, it’s terrifying’, I was tumescent with pride.

I was so buoyed with my new found mad skillz that the next day, when I was dry I invited my entire crew to follow me down this trail, Triumphally saying “don’t worry Lads, it’s a bit tricky, but just follow me’ more than a bit glibly. Obviously, with extra confidence and drier conditions it would be easy yeah? Nope. I shit myself at the first drop, grabbed the brakes, went OTB, mercifully not hurting myself, and took my dented pride out on my bike by punching it and calling it at “see you next Tuesday” and then rode/walked/whimpered myself down as my mates tried not to die of laughter. In way, in fairness, incredibly tricky.

Clearing the plank over the ditch on the way back from the pub

This sort of thing.

Tonight, after a couple of hours on pretty gnarly trails, we’ll adjourn to the pub, for probably two pints, and then I’ll ride home. I will struggle with the awkward right/left kerb/step into the park.

Them is some properly active forks!

Came here to write the same thing!

Riding home from work one dark wet night in Melbourne in 2008 with some Specialized Fatboy tyres on my Avanti Barracuda. I got a good pace on along the central tram track, then went to take a sharp left turn onto another road. Rear wheel stayed on the wet tram line and I did what looked like a very impressive power slide around the corner by complete mistake. The resulting adrenaline rush powered me home, although I did almost crap myself.

Getting down the black at Glencoe, while not on a DH bike. Mostly by accident rather than design

I still maintain it’s one of the hardest black runs open to the public. The red they’ve built there is heaps of fun, and it sort of lures into a false sense of security, then (because you’re an idiot) you think “How hard can that black actually be?” The Answer is “Very. Very hard indeed, you idiot”

Luckily there’s a very nice café where you can sit down and gather your thoughts about just what an idiot you are, and what were thinking? At your age as well? Moron.

I squeeze between car and wall on our steep driveway. ,🤘🤘

Probably something on the road bike actually, on holiday in Tuscany.

Going into a hairpin far too fast, overcooking it, running wide, wrong side of the road, running out of tarmac, telling myself that braking will only make it worse, feeling both wheels slide as i headed, sideways towards the Armco, then realising i’m actually drifting a road bike. Suddenly the bike snapped upright, i’m heading forwards into the next straight and I realise i’m not actually going to die.

It must have looked absolutely awesome, but it felt terrible. If there’d been a car coming…

Launching, ney flying, off any kerb of any height, and landing with both wheels in perfect synchronicity, no clatter whatsoever. Heroic.

Trying to riding all the way back from Sainsbury to the office doing no-hands along the cycle lane. Only done it once. Extra bonus points for getting all the way into the office car park. MTB is definitely easier than a road bike.

Clearing Dave’s Descent in Penn Woods without a dab does it for me. Nemesis in the same woods has been done, never consistently & now it seems my bottles gone.

@qwerty is this Penn in Buckinghamshire? I’ve never been but live near-ish so might check it out if so.

Edit: it isn’t is it, its near Stroud.