Office toilet shenanigans

The other reports on that website JD are all about Women’s misdemeanours ..what’s going on there?

Are they not just suggesting similar articles?

That must have been a proper knot-splitter – there’s a bog bandit in almost every workplace, we have a mysterious individual who leaves (always the middle, weirdo…) trap looking like a set from trainspotting & doesn’t wash his hands 😐 The Profanisaurus is great for descriptions of toilet terrorism using wonderfully dense prose, perhaps you could print out a note using some choice terminology to warn against this type of behaviour? +5 points if you include the phrase “u-bend straightener”

They won’t get a criminal record for this, it’s a Seville offence.

It must be Terry’s!

there’s a bog bandit in almost every workplace, we have a mysterious individual who leaves (always the middle, weirdo…) trap looking like a set from trainspotting & doesn’t wash his hands

we have one here too…i’m sure its one of my colleagues but as i work in a university it could possibly be a dirty student

i walked into a cubicle after this mystery person had been…shit splattered all over the toilet and seat…no sign of any toilet paper being used either…the dirty scrote!!

In my office we have one or more persons who

– Piss all over the floor
– Wipe bogeys on the wall
– Draw penises on the cubicle wall
– Set fire to the toilet roll holder

kumsquits

Too many opportunities. I reckon most of them would get me banned though!

I just copied the link from FB. I guess it’s similar to The Daily Mash

gonzy – Member

we have one here too…i’m sure its one of my colleagues but as i work in a university it could possibly be a dirty student

Hah. The nearest toilets to my office are basically stunt toilets- they’re orrible, but they’re the closest to the main entrance and the lecture theatures so they get all the mankiest traffic (the bus drivers are the worst- heard a flush, dude came out of a toilet cubicle, I looked in and on the floor was a copy of the sun, and on top of that, was a pork pie wrapper and a load of crumbs….. ewwwwwwwww ew ew ew ew ew)

But we have nicer ones hidden away nearby.

See, Berocca does turn your pi** orange!

Mud monkey 😆

My pseudonym of choice is Bungles Thumb, but I’m always happy to learn a new alternative.

In a former workplace we once had an email come round giving advice on how to use the facilities, including a reminder that we shouldn’t smear s**t on the walls (I paraphrase slightly).

At the time we had an embedded client team from a very very very very large O&G company.

Never eat an oranges while on the loo.

A mate dropped his phone in the toilet in a night club puke infested loo.

He told me it didn’t worked anymore. I asked him how he knew as I would have left it…

He used his hand to…and get through the vomit, poop and ewww.

Should have used an apple cuz they’re shit.

preciousmetals – Member
It must be Terry’s!

Pook – Member
Has anyone asked Terry about it?

POSTED 4 HOURS AGO #
Ro5ey – Member
It’s not Terry’s, it’s mine

8)

a very very very very large O&G company

Orange and Grape?

BoardinBob – Member

In my office we have one or more persons who

– Piss all over the floor
– Wipe bogeys on the wall
– Draw penises on the cubicle wall
– Set fire to the toilet roll holder

Do you know who the other person is?

We had a similar issue,but with a yellow citrus fruit.
We even drafted in a couple of elderly Detectives,but to no avail.
Their verdict? Lemon-entry Dear Watson…..

Frankenstein – Member

A mate dropped his phone in the toilet in a night club puke infested loo.

He told me it didn’t worked anymore. I asked him how he knew as I would have left it…

He used his hand to…and get through the vomit, poop and ewww.

The legendary Poogirl:

The Reading pop-up pirate is, I’m pretty sure, an urban myth but this one’s for real. But you probably need to have experienced a Leeds festival steel latrine to really get it. (imagine a steel tank the size of a small swimming pool, with 100 nonflushing toilets- or rather, toilet seats, that’s basically all they are- above it, and enormous pyramids of crap underneath. I’ve seen allsorts in there- phones, glasses- but never an actual person 😆

Just pee in the sink if the loo is blocked by an orange. It’s acceptable to do on planes, so why not office toilets.

Good job they didn’t try to force Dawn French down the toilet…

I used to work at a well known crisp manufacturing place.
The incidents that happened there was always on the night shift and it happened in the men and women’s toilets.
People (say people because it was a heck of a job) would spread their poop, blood and sick around the toilet cubicles
And around the squat over toilet ( hole in the ground so gents could squat).

This happens around three to five times a month. People would be escorted to the loo for a while, but when that stopped all the poop and whatever would be back.

I don’t eat crisps from that company anymore.

Ringos?

No ring goes like a ringo goes.

Well, apparently I can bring on nuclear war armageddon – beat that!!

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2016/04/29/radio-host-claims-trans-women-using-female-toilets-will-lead-to-nuclear-war/

(Quite proud of that one, tbh)

Rachel

shatsuma ?

😀

Pan-gerine?

i walked into a cubicle after this mystery person had been…shit splattered all over the toilet and seat…no sign of any toilet paper being used either…the dirty

When that happens aren’t you worried in case someone comes in and thinks you are The Scrote?

Where I used to work, life was so tedious, going to the loo was the highlight of the day.

It’s no good blaming the cistern.

When that happens aren’t you worried in case someone comes in and thinks you are The Scrote?

no because all i managed to do was open the cubicle door and you could see the hell that had been unleashed on the said toilet…i walked straight back out and went to the less well known about toilets upstairs

i then reported it to our estates team to sort out/clean/sanitise

this just came up on twitter;

I think you have surpassed my expectations on this one! 😆

apparently I can bring on nuclear war armageddon

Wow! That’s some ‘fallout’!

If it keeps happening you may have to keep a log.

Culprit will never own up to Debbie in HR.. They’re too chicken5h1t.

Chicken was presumably a c(r)apon 🙄

perchypanther – Member
shatsuma ?

Pan-gerine?

Pandarin?

More toilet tales..

Friend used to work in an office block, opposite another block on t’other side of small street. Said other block had a toilet, with frosted window, pretty much opposite friend’s window. The window was such that in the evening, with the lights on you could see the vague outline of the top half of someone’s silhouette before they sat down.

Anyway..

Apparently on most afternoons a man (he assumes it was a man) would come in, arrange some literature of a most educational variety (one assumes about s-e-x, though it could just as easily have been about caravans. Or mountainbikes. Takes all sorts) on the ledge and proceed to engage in an act of self pollution. Bit of a spectator sport apparently, and one that led to all sorts of speculation as they watched the inhabitants of said office block leaving at the end of the day…

No idea if oranges were involved though..

this just came up on twitter;

I don’t know about that but, the skulking bog seat at the bottom lower edge of the picture needs posting to the “Argh my eye!” thread.

They’re too chicken5h1t.

*applauds*

I find it amazing that i could eat a whole roast chicken, shit it out and not block the bog, yet if i try and flush one away it blocks it up.

the body is an amazing thing

Quirrel – Member
I find it amazing that i could eat a whole roast chicken, shit it out and not block the bog, yet if i try and flush one away it blocks it up.
the body is an amazing thing

Even in the sink?

^ maybe it would work on an airplane