Not having children

2. My youngest then swallows a pound coin, several hours at A&E

“How is he?”

“Oh, no change.”

Ha. I went to A&E for:

1. Knocked myself unconscious falling off a coal shed
2. slit my hand and leg wide open falling off a building.
3. Stuck a dried pea up my nostril that became stuck.
4. Broken wrists
5. Broken arms

All before I was even 10.

I hope you chastised your parents at length for not taking you to the minor injuries unit.

Binners, you have two girls, fancy a boy?

No thanks. I look at people with lads and wonder how the hell they cope. The noise, the constant chaos, bordering on complete anarchy. Just the stupidity! Girls are just so much gentler and more civilised

Of course, come hormonal time, it’ll be payback time, as my life becomes a misery, while people with lads watch their life get considerably easier

Just enjoying it while I can

Did you get your pound back?

Not yet, still waiting. Was thinking of playing a trick on my son by replacing the pound with two 50’s.

@Cougar

“Exactly”

😉

1. Knocked myself unconscious falling off a coal shed
2. slit my hand and leg wide open falling off a building.
3. Stuck a dried pea up my nostril that became stuck.
4. Broken wrists
5. Broken arms

4 broken wrists and 5 broken arms..!?

Are you sure that you’re Hora and not Shiva..?

The government is cracking down on taking kids out of school (which I can understand), but not doing anything to help, like staggering the term dates around the country, like they do in France.

France has staggered term dates? When/Where as everything shuts in August.

4 broken wrists and 5 broken arms..!?

Are you sure that you’re Hora and not Shiva..?

Coffee / keyboard.

You could just as well say that parents couldn’t possibly know what their lives would have been like if they hadn’t had kids, and all their preconceptions about that are probably wrong. But no-one would bother saying that, because it’s a bit unnecessary, patronising and presumptuous.

So parents have never experienced life without kids? I can see a slight defect in that logic.

So parents have never experienced life without kids? I can see a slight defect in that logic.

That isn’t what I said, fairly obviously.

I don’t see much preaching.

I see people saying that you don’t know what having kids is really like til you’ve had them (which is reasonable and true for a lot of things) and then also saying that for them, it’s great.

I think the non-breeders are so used to being on the defensive (and entirely understandably) that they think they are being preached at, which may again be a reasonable assumption based on previous experience.

I don’t think it’s happening on this thread tho.

UrbanHiker – Member

anothergit – really? You’re one of the very few to feel/admit that.

I think “admit” is the key word. Friends of mine regret theirs- or at least, they regret not waiting. But they’ve stopped telling people that because so many people respond as if they’re axe murderers. Sure most people are glad they had kids but the social pressure is pretty major too. (she said it once at a toddler group- half the other mums agreed, then it devolved into open warfare and now there’s 2 toddler groups)

They were nervous all the way through the pregnancy, and people kept saying “Once he arrives, everything will change” as if that was good news. Who’s so unhappy that they want everything to change? If you are, why are you having kids?

Personally I can’t be trusted with a goldfish let alone a human, but it’s a moot point since I’m yet to trick a girl into liking me enough 😉

That isn’t what I said, fairly obviously.

This is what you said:

You could just as well say that parents couldn’t possibly know what their lives would have been like if they hadn’t had kids, and all their preconceptions about that are probably wrong.

..and it’s quite obviously ridiculous. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life sans-children and have a pretty good idea what it was like and how it would probably be now if I didn’t.

Thread summary:
Some people have balanced views and accept others are different to them
Some people think kids should be bio-fuel
Some people think if you don’t have kids you’re missing out or you are fighting nature or just plain wrong
It is descending into the usual bollocks on stw

..and it’s quite obviously ridiculous. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life sans-children and have a pretty good idea what it was like and how it would probably be now if I didn’t.

You don’t know exactly what your life would be like now if you hadn’t had kids is what I said.

Again, can you really not see how this is a teensy bit patronising:

So whatever your pre-conceptions, ignore them because they’re probably wrong.

Whilst I see the reason for your annoyance, he’s still right.

I’ve spent the majority of my adult life sans-children and have a pretty good idea what it was like and how it would probably be now if I didn’t.

I wouldn’t be too sure of that. My life is significantly different now that I’m in my late 30s than it was when I was in my 20s despite the fact that I don’t have kids.

hora – Member

fancy a boy?

Well, that’s one way to reduce the chance of having kids.

Ok, going back to the original comment that caused so much upset (which was not mine by the way):

You have no idea the special relationship your missing.

Yes, this comes across as a tad preachy and patronising, and it’s not something I would or have ever said to someone who doesn’t have kids. However, as a basic statement of fact, and backed up by my own experiences, it’s pretty much correct. The change that occurs is so fundamental that you can’t possibly know what it’s like until it happens, hence my advice that you should probably ignore any pre-conceptions. What this isn’t however is any type of campaign to persuade you to have kids, certainly not on my or most other parents part anyway, so you should stop being so defensive about it.

Yes, this comes across as a tad preachy and patronising, and it’s not something I would or have ever said to someone who doesn’t have kids.

Well, except… you know… just then.

Mate of mine bought a people carrier 2 months before had his first in Jan this year.

No need.

You have no idea the special relationship your missing.

You have no idea of the awesome back country powder snow you’re missing out on. Not that I would ever say that to someone with kids of course.

But then we all know snowboarding is an incredibly shallow, selfish activity compared to fulfilling your primal breeding instincts (or rather being pussy-whipped into it because if your wife’s). 😉

I’m 33 and don’t have kids and there doesn’t look to be any on the horizon either. I’d give up riding/whatever else to have one but my inability to have a stable relationship combined with quite serious depression wouldn’t and isn’t the ideal situation to bring a kid into the world. My parents divorced and whilst I know it’s not uncommon in this day and age, I always picture meeting someone I can’t stand to be without and having a baby with them, just as much a bond between myself and the mother as myself and the baby.

It upsets me greatly, I’m a sucker for a baby and coo with the best of them and it’s something I think about a lot.

I don’t resent parents telling me how great they are and I also understand the non-breeders not wanting to compromise on their lifestyle or simply not liking kids. I can pretty much buy any bike I want, go where I want and do what I want but I’d gladly give it up to have a little one

But then we all know snowboarding is an incredibly shallow, selfish activity compared to fulfilling your primal breeding instincts (or rather being pussy-whipped into it because if your wife’s).

Shallower? Hmmm…possibly. But jeez, don’t people go on about it. As for “selfish”, that possibly suits those who choose not to breed. 🙂

Well, except… you know… just then.

That’s why he said ‘would have’

Would ‘solipsistic’ be a more appropriate word than ‘selfish’ ?

or rather being pussy-whipped into it because if your wife’s

And you accuse me of being patronising and arrogant? Honestly, you need to get over yourself.

And you accuse me of being patronising and arrogant? Honestly you guys need to get over yourself.

Well it was kind of meant as a joke – but also making the point that if you start making sweeping generalisations about people you don’t know, you might not like where it ends up.

Get over yourself?

There was a guy who posted earlier who has adopted/fostered kids – you’re saying you have a special bond with your kids that he will never understand. Biologically speaking that might be true but is it really something to crow about?

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Love it when you did in to a a mega thread to see what’s going on – then after you’ve read it you get the thought – ‘ooh i’ll think i’ll just leave them to it and metaphorically creep out and shut the door quietly behind me’

Biologically speaking that might be true but is it really something to crow about?

Talking. Not crowing, not preaching, just talking. I think on an internet forum thread about having babies you can expect to have some people talk about just that. Sadly there’s always a few who’d rather have an argument.

Lol @ adjustable wench.

The big hitters on the other hand metaphorically start screaming and run into the room swinging their fists 🙂

dazh, have you ever considered that the way you think you come across and the way that you actually do come across are not the same?

Talking. Not crowing, not preaching, just talking. I think on an internet forum thread about having babies you can expect to have some people talk about just that. Sadly there’s always a few who’d rather have an argument.

Telling people ‘you’re wrong’ then complaining about them not liking it is a bit rich TBH.

Just scanned through this.

don’t have a gaping void in my life/relationship that needs filling’

there’s always religion..

I can understand why people want kids, and why people don’t. What I don’t understand is why you’re bothered what the rest of the world thinks about what is one of the major life-changing decisions you’ll ever make. (Nearly as bad as those imbeciles who are so desperate to be famous they appear on “one born every minute” sharing their most intimate moment with the rest of the world)

For the record, I’ve always wanted kids. Was a bit gutted when it turned out we needed a lot of time and treatment to get us there. Even more frustrating when you see how easy it is for people who don’t want them 🙁

Worth every second IME. But as I said, each to his own.

I quoted from Kahil Gibran to subtly make a point (now more directly):

Having children is not about you. It is not about what you want, or don’t want. It is expression of “life’s longing for itself”.

Saying it is selfish for others to have/not-have children is the sound of resentment.

All that piss. late nights and a constant smell of vomit.

Not ideal conditions to bring up a kid. So no.

Let’s say I really, really loved stamp collecting and you thought it sounded like a complete waste of time and energy you could be spending on the bike.

If I was to say to you “You’ve no idea what you’re missing in the wonderful world of philately” you might say “bollocks. I’ve seen your stamps and they do nothing for me.” And I’d probably say something like “horses for courses” and we’d probably leave it at that.

I can’t understand why it’s so difficult for some people to understand that it’s the same with kids, just a matter of personal preference.

I can’t understand why it’s so difficult for some people to understand that it’s the same with kids

It’s really not. The point the parents are trying to make is that having kids is on a different level to pretty much anything else you may choose to do.

I’m not saying it’s the best thing ever, or that you should all do it (in fact, you shouldn’t, for a number of excellent reasons) but it is true that if you haven’t had kids you can’t fully understand what it’s like to have kids.

I can’t understand why it’s so difficult for some people to understand that it’s the same with kids, just a matter of personal preference.

OK, I’m pretty obsessed with Fell Running and bicycle ownership. I wake up, it’s what Im thinking about. I take the first of my 2-3 dumps a day, its what I’m thinking about. I have lunch, its what Im thinking about.

I stop to have a chat with a colleague….. its not what Im talking about.

Why, because the person Im talking to probably isn’t interested. And running/bikes only enters the conversation if brought into the conversation by the colleague.

What you are complaing about isn’t parents, it’s boring people.

I’ve been bored by many people on many subjects, not just kids.

And I don’t talk to people about my kids either unless they ask.. unless it’s particularly funny and I know there are other parents.