My in-laws.

You choose your friends, you can’t choose your family

Yup, but you can choose not to be friends with them.

You are probably far happier without the lifestyle they’re trying to impose on you.
You come across as a kind hardworking sensitive chap and they seem to be the opposite, don’t change.

Stay away from them.
A relative of mine has completely cut off her father in law and she is far better in mind and soul for not having to put up with his snide comments, lies and just being an all round selfish, unkind piece of s”*t.

they’ll be dead soon, when you’re in their company discuss the value of the stuff in their house, they’ll be pleased that you’re impressed by their wealth. You’re mentally spending it on hoverbikes…

Rise completely above it, be nice, be kind, be loving, dont take them on at all………relish in the fact that your wife will love more for it and that you’ll have the last laugh when you’ve won by spending what they leave when they die!!!

Whenever they pop round for a drink, present it to them in the penis beaker?

Her dad’s probably got a penis chalice

They sound like tools. I wouldn’t tolerate it. Your wife picked a side when she married you.

Couldn’t be bothered to read all the jive, so I’ll just suggest 2 simple steps to help the OP, step 1 – shit down their chimney! Step 2 – every time they have a dig or make a comment you should start up a story of how great it is to pound their daughter particularly effective in front of large groups at social gatherings! They’ll soon stop having a go!

If possible move away from them

This. My in-laws are approximately 10,000 miles away, and not by coincidence. My wife and I are both quite happy about this.

No kids involved as far as I can tell? In that case, other than work interaction with the father in law, do you really have to see them? If your wife knows they’re making your life difficult, won’t she be ok with you not seeing them unless you absolutely have to?

My own mother is…challenging…and she can be difficult with my wife sometimes. I recognise that and as a result I go and visit my parents myself and don’t expect her to come with me as I know it may be uncomfortable if my mother is in one of her moods.

Have you got kids?

If so, or if you are planning them, rationing or threatening to limit future contact is one option…

Or just find some petty satisfying revenge. Sign them up to direct mail for sex shops. Get them on the email list for dodgy retailers. Spread rumours. And as above, laugh in their faces.

Or get them to repeat things they say to you while you video them, and put together a compilation…

Nasty people. Parents should cherish and see the positive in their kids and partners.

Unhappy people always criticise those who have what they have not got. Your inlaws have built an expensive empty shell of a life . Their daughter has rejected that for something they don’t have and can’t buy . That hurts them so they are snide to you . If you and your wife are happy together you have won and they have lost . You should pity them and let them know it.

Sort out the work arrangement. Make it clear you are doing him a favour do it on your terms or nor at all .

part of the power of snide comments comes from the fact that you won’t challenge them. So do it, say ‘Sorry what did you say?’ ‘and what exactly do you mean by that’ ‘so what you’re saying is….. is that right’ ….. but this’ll make things very uncomfortable (that day at least) and only works if you have the confidence to think of a reply on the hop but if you let snide comments slide and just bitch to your wife they’ll continue.

Step 2 – every time they have a dig or make a comment you should start up a story of how great it is to pound their daughter particularly effective in front of large groups at social gatherings! They’ll soon stop having a go!

LIKE.
“THANKYOU MiL for raising your daughter as you did. She’s VERY adventurous” *wink*
Or
“We’ll she didn’t marry me for money, she married me because I’ve got a ****ing great cock on me and I’m good with my tongue”

Exactly and some action pics on the phone should speed up the process!

The difference between the In laws and the Outlaws is that the Outlaws were wanted 😀

Thanks all for the wise words of advice. As always I can rely on this place and its people to make sense of things for me and pick me up.

I do love this forum. … Most of the time.

I’d go with pointing out that there’s no need for you or your wife to work hard, as she’ll be inheriting it when they die anyways.

They’ll most likely leave it all to their cats to spite her, but if you genuinely don’t care for the money you’ll have the last laugh anyways.

“There comes a time in your life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all life is too short to be anything but happy.”

Karl Marx (composer)

You sound like you’re comfortable with your lives and the choices you have made. Don;t let them spoil it because they judge you by standards that you don’t adhere to.

That. Then crap down their chimney.

Move away. Life doesn’t have to be miserable. 100 miles should be enough – close enough for your wife to go on a visit on her own.

Don’t waste time “dealing” with them. It’s like stirring the shit pot and complaining about being splashed.

The next time your FIL makes a snide remark ask him to repeat it . If he does punch him square in the cock. He will learn. Sound like a pair o cxxxs and your wife doesn’t deserve them.

My parents (mother really) have been a **** to my wife and I of late. I gave them both barrels. Life is too short to fall out. Things have been very cool for the last few months but I will not have anyone saying anything about my wife, the lady I love and the one who helped bring our two kids into our life. They either wind their neck in or miss out!

Mizre,

I’ve had EXACTLY, the same experience, only with my own parents. Has taken me 40 years to get a handle on what has been happening. It all came to a head this summer when my mums behaviour started to have a negative impact on my 3yr old daughter.

I read the following book and it all became clear. “Difficult mothers” by Jenny Apter.

Bloody revelation it was. Realised that my mum wasn’t just a difficult mother but was actually a difficult person in general. She’s very controlling, always the victim and always has to have her own way. If she doesn’t get her way then everyone is being either selfish to her or jealous of her.

The book is really good. Lots of hints and tips about how to handle difficult people. Also, Google “transactional analysis’. I found it very useful.

Biggest thing for me was sitting down and listing all the incidents that had happened. Has been really reasurring to reread this list (especially after receiving yet another ear full on the phone from my mum.) The list reminds me that I’m not just being soft and making stuff up.

If it helps, most people don’t deal with problems until a crisis point is reached or when something significant happens like, in my case, the birth of my daughter. Made me reflect on my own child hood.

Incidently, I have lived in a different country to my parents for over 20 years now so geographical distance sometimes doesn’t make a difference to the feelings you have. On the other hand, my brother, who lives around the corner from my folks and works for the family business, admitted to me that he only does so because he “put mum and dad through hell” when he was a teenager and now feels that he “owes them.’

Not the way I want to live my life.

I might not drive a big Jag like my dad but at least I can look myself straight in the eye and know exactly who I am.

The next time your FIL makes a snide remark ask him to repeat it . If he does punch him square in the cock. He will learn. Sound like a pair o cxxxs and your wife doesn’t deserve them.

A variation on this – when one of them has a back turned and no-one is watching, go for a swift kick up the arse – only works if you are good at acting innocent and affronted. It’s the Bishop Brennan technique. Either they won’t be able to believe themselves that you did it, or no-one else will believe them – either way you win.

how great it is to pound their daughter

This, but not in earshot of your lovely wife. Followed by saving a small deposit to move very far away from the poisonous bastards. Also, no matter how skint you are, do NOT accept any more work with your FIL who sounds like a massive titwank. I’d have used a more suitable expletive if I was posting on mumsnet.

Mizre – do not lower yourself to their standards.

This problem you have is common. My sister hasn’t seen or spoken to her in laws for over 10 years. It came to a head when they attended my father’s funeral. He was a popular man and there wasn’t enough room in the church for everyone and yet, her in laws said that they they had gone to a ‘far better funeral the other week’ and made no effort whatsoever to say anything comforting or nice to my sister, let alone our mother.

Just stay away and let your wife visit, really it’s the best thing you can do.

Get out of there, start a new life and cut off all contact. The fact that your FiL is giving you work is also leverage on the in-laws part.