My friend reckons he’s being Gaslit, how can I help?

Having looked at the indicators, what he’s described certainly seems like gaslighting. He’s been with his Mrs a long time and despite being warned a few times by others, has finally come to this conclusion he says. It was all a bit of a shock tbh because she seems lovely.

He says he doesn’t want to leave the relationship because of his kids, despite him being unhappy, and says the biggest problem is dealing with the conflict.

Is there a CBT he can practice or a way of withdrawing from conflict situations? She apparently starts and then doesn’t let him walk away from arguments.

Tell him that he’s making it up.

You might need to remind me what gaslighting is meant to mean.

https://www.relate.org.uk/

They will see individuals on their own although ideally it is obviously better if they are seen as a couple.

Presumably if she is guilty of gaslighting and manipulative behaviour she will be in denial and won’t agree to counselling.

remind me what gaslighting is

It is the process of making people doubt what they know to be the truth until they accept the other person’s narrative. The name comes from a film in which the husband does that to his wife.

A bit more information about the situation and how he’s being manipulated would help. Using a catch-all colloquialism whose meaning varies with the user is not enough to give any meaningful advice.

These people might be able to offer more support and guidance:

https://mankind.org.uk/

https://mensadviceline.org.uk/

Wow, this sounds familiar.

The woman in question wouldn’t be in their forties, round about the time that perimenopause symptoms start to show?

At least he’s recognising the problems, I’d say that means he’s more than halfway to solving it, even if that means leaving her, only getting one side of the story here obvs, but from someone who was in a toxic relationship hindsight has 20/20 vision!

Sorry I don’t really know specifics but apparently she starts arguments, then tells him that they’re his fault until he apologises and then he commits to change his behaviour.

When he says she has done something to upset him, she replies that he makes her feel that way too,  but doesn’t tell him what he has done to make her feel that way. He ends up apologising for insignificant things (I think he said he had apologised for not doing the dishes for 1 night), promising to stop making her feel that way, she apparently never apologises, and never addresses what has upset him.

I always thought it was something blokes did to women.

OP, You don’t have any friends.

You might need to remind me what gaslighting is meant to mean.

it’s the new “staycation” in that most people using it seem to have no clue what it actually means! OP is merely describing someone being an arsehole.

more helpfully, there’ve been a few threads on here about partners’ moods changing drastically for the worse due to hormones/menopause, although there doesn’t seem to be too much you can do apart from try to weather the storm!