My boy will not eat proper food!!!

My boy is 4 now but has never had a proper meal in his life!
His diet consists of wheatabix,yoghurts,cheese,toast,bread and butter sandwiches,chocolate and will only drink apple juice and milk!
He is Very strong willed and may even have adhd!
We have tried everything and now have a health visitor advising us!
But still he will not eat properly!

I am at my wits end and me and the Mrs are finding this really hard!

Advice needed please.

He is Very strong willed

what about you?

Does he have some kind of behavioural diagnosis?

Starve the little ****.

On a serious note my girlfriend’s son is like this and so is his dad. She has had battle after battle trying to get him to eat something different to no avail and had pretty much given up.
We went to France last year and he only drinks blackcurrant which was next to impossible to find. After a day or two he was drinking anything he could get his hands on. Same went for the food after a few days as well.

It’s not a massively bad diet really though is it?

Just be thankful he isn’t addicted to doughnuts!

hunger’s good kitchen.

REALLY hungry kids will eat anything….fact

My son was pretty much the same. When he started school, he wouldn’t eat school dinners so just had packed lunches for first twelve months.
He is now nearly 8 and quite happily has school lunches (although sometimes defaults to eating a ham baguette).
Key thing for us was to back off and within reason don’t try to force him to eat things. We generally all sat down as a family to eat meals but often made a buffet style of various foods – some of which he would eat, some of which he wasn’t quite so keen on. Provided your boy doesn’t just eat rubbish all day I really wouldn’t worry too much.

PS his younger sister eats anything! Some kids are just different.

hungry kids eat… set boundaries and give him proper food and nothing else. as soon as he gets the message that this is the food he is getting and nothing else he is likely to eat. plus give time limits on eating… minivader takes aaaaages to eat but has spead up considerably after loosing out on food and puddings for a few weeks.

3 kids here, assorted ages, and the main thing we’ve learnt is not to stress about it. Offer decent food, and if he eats it great, if he doesn’t, as above, he will once he’s hungry. Ours have all had phases, the fussiness comes and goes, so does the appetite.

Does he have enough energy to be an otherwise normal 4 year old? If so, stop worrying and let him get on with it.

I know we have probably been too soft with him.
But now the HV has said to plate up his tea (a smaller portion of our tea) and if he does not eat it he is going to have to go hungry until breakfast!
He leaves and goes hungry!
Sometimes cries his self to sleep complaining he is hungry.
I want the best for my boy obviously but this is killing me!

kids manipulate… stay strong and he will get the message.

He has loads of energy!!
He usually gets up at 7.
Nursery 9-3.
And sometimes i will take him on a 2 mile balance bike ride and bed time is when he falls asleep at about 9 or 10!

I know we have probably been too soft with him.
But now the HV has said to plate up his tea (a smaller portion of our tea) and if he does not eat it he is going to have to go hungry until breakfast!
He leaves and goes hungry!
Sometimes cries his self to sleep complaining he is hungry.
I want the best for my boy obviously but this is killing me!

That would be heartbreaking, but will probably work in the long run.

Maybe rather than clear his food away at the end of dinner, leave it available, and even if he’s going to bed saying he’s hungry, just offer him his tea. He has a choice then. My 7 year old gets mysteriously starving as soon as it’s bedtime. Never starving enough to eat plain bread or fruit, oddly!

My 3 year old is very similar to this. He had reflux from a very young age and also a form of epilepsy that doesn’t include a physical fit (Panayiotopoulos syndrome).
Off the top of my head he will eat porridge,rice crispies,toast with marmite,beans,chicken noodle soup,hot dogs,sausage,chicken nuggets,chips,rice pudding and jelly .Like most children he loves sweets and chocolate as well but the above list is all he will eat and if we try to feed him anything else he tries it then either wretches or throws up.
We’re hoping as he gets older his diet will improve but he doesn’t appear to be unhealthy and is on the go from getting up through to bedtime.Our own diet suffered for a while as we were eating the same sort of food as him but it made my older son/wife/myself start to put weight on and become very lethargic. Now we just feed him the food he will eat and make a seperate meal for the rest of the family.
I’d try not to stress about it too much unless it appears to be affecting his health.

Our boy (33 month)has got a lot less fussy lately .Partly because his nursery are very good and provide a wide range of foods ( though I have not received a clear explanation of Indian spaghetti) . He also cooks with me and has learned to taste ingredients as we Cook so is constantly trying new things . Doing pizza he has started on a range of cheese tomatoes olives capers anchovy mushrooms all of which he would refuse previously when just served to him at the table.

A colleague’s kid would only eat plain pasta or mcdonalds fries! Specialists basically said he’s healthy so he’s ok and would grow out of it, which I think he eventually did.

Don’t make an issue out of it though, 4 year olds are stubborn enough already! Get advice is my advice!

HTH!

I want the best for my boy obviously but this is killing me

You’re his Dad, not his best friend. There are occasions when you need to do things that won’t please him, because they’re the things that a parent has to do.

A very similar story here. He’ll only eat Pasta with butter, crackers with either marmite or butter but not both, crisps, occasionally the white of a fried egg but never the yolk, juice or milk to drink, etc.

ADHD sounds a bit unlikely but there are other things to rule out such as an over-sensitivity to textures or even a very mild aspergers which is pretty common in us males. The following article might be interesting – linky – perhaps worth considering other behaviours, what teachers report, etc?

GSI-MAN – Member

I am at my wits end and me and the Mrs are finding this really hard!

Advice needed please

Have you guys actually asked your parents (both sides) for ideas? After all your boy got his behaviour from both of you. I bet both your parents have dealt with both of you successfully so why not try the tried and tested methods?

Some good advice here!
Thankyou all for your feelings and thoughts so far!

We messed up with our first one – he eats a fairly varied diet on the whole but is too lazy to chew, only eats peas (with ketchup) or baked beans for vegetables, we still (he’s now 10) mash up stewed pear and mix it in his porridge which is the only fruit he will have, only drinks milk, water or hot chocolate.

Should really have been addressed when he was 3-4 years old but his little sister came along and distracted us which with hindsight is a shame. Not helped by the fact that his mum is a faddy eater as well.

Trying to get him to even touch, let alone taste, new foods is a nightmare, especially with fruit he can come across as on the verge of a panic attack. But he’s bright, he’s growing, he’s never ill, so we stopped worrying about him. Occasionally he tries something different and astonishes us all by eating it.

Will be interesting to see how he copes with secondary school, school cooking lessons and fending for themselves with the Scouts in the next few months.

His little sister takes after her dad though – if it can’t outrun her, it gets eaten. But she wisely – like her dad – never eats asparagus or artichokes. Vegetables beginning with “A” are just wrong!

A “friend” of ours had a son who was a fussy eater and an only child. For various reasons that son was sent to live with his cousins for a summer at about age 8. The cousins consisted of 4 boys aged 12 to 6 and the dinner table was best described as “the quick and the hungry”. The son returned a changed person…

A possible view point from your sons perspective:
I can remember the tears from both myself and my parents about me trying to eat ‘normal’ food. The whole thing of going hungry as they tried various tactics. It never worked. I’ve then put up with the almost finger pointing as people realise there’s a freak who only eats certain foods or blame my parents suggesting it was their fault.
I’ve always had a bad diet.
Working with my wife over the last 7yrs, it’s got much, much better. Trying to figure out what the problem the first step. I struggle with certain food textures. I have cereal dry, if I add milk, it’s a non starter. I could drink the milk seperatey along side my cereal, but together, nope. When I was younger I could start to gag or even vomit before the food was in mouth!
I’d even been to a hypnotist who reckoned my sub-conscious was protecting me from something, but it wouldn’t say what! I did manage to hypnotise my way through eating my first ever full Christmas meal, though it was more about trying to be ‘normal’ and social than enjoying the food.

GSI-MAN – Member
I know we have probably been too soft with him.
But now the HV has said to plate up his tea (a smaller portion of our tea) and if he does not eat it he is going to have to go hungry until breakfast!
He leaves and goes hungry!

That sounds hard but it’s probably what I would suggest. And his diet doesn’t sound bad. At one point our eldest would only eat chicken nuggets and garlic bread.

Do you eat together? A family meal can encourage them to eat. Not you all sat around telling him to eat. Just eating together. And praising him when he tries something new.

My youngest daughter could often be persuaded with a race. First one to finish your peas. And let her win!

Advice needed please.

Use fewer exclamation marks.

I can remember the tears from both myself and my parents about me trying to eat ‘normal’ food. The whole thing of going hungry as they tried various tactics. It never worked.

My story is very similar. Now in my 40s I’m nowhere near as bad as I was as a kid, but it’s still difficult. Because make no mistake, in my case at least it was a phobia, and needed treating as such.

For me personally, turning vegetarian was a huge turning point; things got a lot easier when I removed the pressure of that base revulsion.

Starving, forcing, making a big deal, none of these things helped. It just made me more traumatised. Use positive reinforcement rather than negative. Find ‘similars’ – he likes cheese and yoghurt, what other creamy things can you try? Wheatabix with ‘stuff’ in, Shredded Wheat, variations on a theme? If you’re trying something new, use tiny amounts rather than a pile of food.

If you’re trying something new, use tiny amounts rather than a pile of food.

Spot on. With ours the first step was just to have some on the plate. Then move on to just sampling it.

Yes we all eat together at the table and have praised him big time when he tries a new food. Never thought I would get emotional seeing him eat a chip.
Sorry about the exclamation marks.

I was terribly fussy as a kid. I now eat and try anything. Still not a fan of fish but have tried enough to say I don’t like it. Eldest daughter 12 eats anything and is willing to try anything.
Son 9 is fussy as ****, lives on chicken in any guise eats a bit of fruit, doesn’t particularly like chips (WTF) loves beef products from mince to steak to burgers. Eats no salad whatsoever. A proper wrong un.
He’s fit as a fiddle and has been like it for 7 years now. He had a sickness bug at 2 ish and had previously eaten anything. It all changed after that.
Im sure he will get better so please don’t go for the ADHD option just yet.

From the other side to all these strongarm tough love parents – I was a stubborn bad eater as a kid. My parents tried starving me out of it and they cracked before I did. They tried everything except backing off and letting me do it on my own terms.

I badly wanted to eat the same food as everyone else – it was a great source of stress and fear at every meal outside of our house. But I couldn’t handle their pressure on me.

I would strongly advise against the starvation technique. Food and the giving of it is a fundamental vehicle for love, trust and security. Denying this to a little kid is terrible, and will probably not promote the kind of security he needs to change.

If he goes through his days knowing he’s not a good boy for his parents, that could also be pretty damaging.

You’re his Dad, not his best friend.

You need to be his best friend. He trusts and loves no-one like you. However, being a best friend doesn’t mean you don’t parent.

Thinking about it,

That’s quite a ‘runny’ diet; I wonder if texture is an issue? How is he with soups?

I’m thinking something like cream of mushroom or chicken soup might work, they’re not a million miles away from his creamy safe world. You could sieve it first so there’s not ‘bits’ or lumps in?

Sorry about the exclamation marks.

This is the Chat Forum, we don’t subscribe to that sort of nonsense. (-:

Remove all the high calorie treats from the house.
Set time aside to eat together.
Offer him some new foods together with the stuff you’re giving him now.
Rome wasn’t built in a day. Don’t force the issue kids use food to gain control over parents.

Ignore the post’s saying starve him he’ll eat when he’s hungry enough. That’s bollocks you’ll only be storing up psychological crap for when they are older. What ever you do don’t make a big issue out of this keep it low key.

Easier said than done I know.
Good luck.

We have one who is now 11 and has probably never eaten ‘properly’ but seems quite happy and healthy but it does involve a fair amount of work and pain including going without if they don’t eat. What we’ve gone for is:
quantity is important – don’t overload the plate, it’s got to look manageable

if they won’t eat then plain bread is available rather than just their favourite thing again. They don’t need to go hungry

don’t put everything on the plate at once. Start with a little vegetables (if that is what they won’t eat) and then the the thing they like once that is eaten

Don’t make it a battle every day otherwise meals get depressing and you may be creating other problems. A little ground at a time

There may be a real physical problem so it’s worth keeping an eye on what works and what doesn’t but it may also be mental. They have to learn to eat and it isn’t always straightforward

and good luck – it can be horribly painful

After much perseverance we have a 4 year old “good eater,” which, according to the laws of parenting and those who know best, is the true marker of being a good parent! Nothing else says you are a good parent than having a child who will eat everything (not that ours does), if you have managed this you are a success.

Clearly this is rubbish, you are a good parent because you care about your child, listen to their needs and try to do your best for them. There may be many reasons why your young ‘un won’t eat and it sounds like you are searching as many of them out as you can. All kids are different and many different things work to get them to eat. Some are natural dustbins, some are more cautious or more aware of textures and tastes.

The best advice I’ve seen here so far seems to be based on, don’t make it an issue or you’ll really make it an issue and, let’s be honest, there is nothing more stubborn than a 4 year old who doesn’t want to do something.

It takes time and patience and lots of deep breaths and ignoring and trying not to get concerned but you’ll get there. Good luck.

Same worries, my 15 (Yes, fifteen!) year old lad eats:
McDonalds Chicken nugget meals
Chips
Potato waffles
Greggs sausage rolls
Cheese on roll or bread, (sometimes brown bread).
Brioche choc chip rolls
Cheap cheese n tomato pizzas
Tea or diluting juice
Nutri grain cereal bars, must be strawberry flavour.

Pretty much no fruit or veg, and very little meat.
This worrys me greatly to be honest, but he’s a fit lad and is very rarely ill! He plays football at a decent u15 level, and is the top sprinter in his year at school.
He’s been like this for years, and we realise its probably our fault for not nipping it in the bud, but the drama was simply too much at teatime. I don’t think its a dislike of food, more a phobia of certain things. The only sweet he eats is Ice cream, and he doesn’t really eat any Mars Bar-esque type stuff.
I just worry that he’ll never snap out of it though, it wil leventually affect his health I reckon. 😕

bed time is when he falls asleep at about 9 or 10!

don’t take this the wrong way, but for me, that is way to late for a 4 year old to be going to bed. without patronising you, my 4 year old has a bath with his younger brother at 6, then is in bed for 7, and asleep for 7.30. I think you need a proper routine in place at bed times, this will reinforce who’s boss as well.

as others has said, you’re his dad not his mate, he needs to learn he goes to bed when you say its bedtime, he eats what you ask him to eat.

bed when he falls asleep at 9 or 10

and there’s trouble brewing right there! 4/5yo should be out for the count by 7:30 at the very latest.

You as parents need time off too, which you won’t get with a infant running around at 10 at night…. We have a 13 & a 14 yo and they are upstairs by 9:30 on a school night, they don’t have to go to sleep but it’s essentially “quiet time” from then on.

Same worries, my 15 (Yes, fifteen!) year old lad eats:
McDonalds Chicken nugget meals
Chips
Potato waffles
Greggs sausage rolls
Cheese on roll or bread, (sometimes brown bread).
Brioche choc chip rolls
Cheap cheese n tomato pizzas
Tea or diluting juice
Nutri grain cereal bars, must be strawberry flavour.

I must admit i thought binners was older that that.

and there’s trouble brewing right there! 4/5yo should be out for the count by 7:30 at the very latest.

Hmm. We read all that stuff, heard the same from lots of people, and also heard all the complaints about the kids who wake up at 4am and won’t go back to sleep. Our 4-year-old is in bed around 8.30ish, asleep by 9 usually, and sleeps right through until about 8am. With food, she gets what we’re having (though sometimes in a more bland version) – if she doesn’t want it she doesn’t have to eat it, we don’t make a big deal out of it but don’t make her anything else either. If she’s hungry she eventually eats, if she isn’t she doesn’t. The plate just gets left on the table.

I suppose it could be classed as lazy parenting, but we distinguish between things that could do her harm (running into the traffic) and things that won’t. Time she goes to bed and what she eats aren’t big issues, really.

if she doesn’t want it she doesn’t have to eat it, we don’t make a big deal out of it but don’t make her anything else either.

sound like a good plan. kids are manipulative and crafty little sods.

my grandad used to look after 10 grandkids during the summer. if you didnt eat your dinner, you got it for breakfast.

you ate what you were cooked.

apart from sprouts; no-one likes sprouts.

My kids are similar..

I can’t stand it and have battled against it tirelessly exhausting every method we could find, but I’ve realised that I’m just compounding the problem..

It’s a behaviour learnt very early in life, soon after weaning when they battle for control at mealtimes, and it’s very easy for a tired parent, anxious for their child to be nourished to give in to the child’s power trip..
What then compounds the problem is that food is one of those fundamental basic human requirements so instinct and territorial behaviour, power struggles etc are going to be very strong around the subject..

I’ve given up the constant battle with mine and as long as they are getting the basic food groups every day I’m satisfied although I still aim to introduce new food every month or so with varying levels of success..

you may take this with a pinch of salt though cos it’s only my own musings and I’m barely cognisant enough to scratch my own arse

FWIW 4 year old in bed by 7.30pm