My bloody allotment is being taken over!

Jesus wept, how meek are you? Do you say sorry for complaining? Are you impossibly English?
Take the fence down. Return it (in a large pile) to him (ie, put it in his allotment) he's going to have set times to be there. be there at the same time time. Explain to him why you did it, what he's done wrong and that you are not giving this up, that you are not backing down. Confrontation is OK. The adrenailin rush is just like a good downhill!
Grow some balls in his side, USE.
As for the exaple of the swimming guy. Stand in the lane, as he pushes into you, push him away / down. When he comes up spluttering, explain that you don't take kindly to someone pushing into you. The reason that people behave like this is that other people let them.

I'd definitely try to get him to work with you to measure together – find out what the measurements should be and see what he thinks the measurements should be.

Sounds like he's well aware of the measurements, he just thinks he's more important.

try a bit of fertilisation on your patch. i.e. drop a cleveland steamer right on the boundary. If you are good you could write "**** off" but its hard to form the f's properly.

Sounds like he's well aware of the measurements, he just thinks he's more important.

Well maybe but work together on it I say – get a neighbouring allotment holder to join in too.

just get the neighbour to his left to move 2 ft into his patch etc.

just gone back to check and he's snapped my hoe, stolen my spade and stamped on my squashes which were on the "disputed territory", I confronted him and his argument was that my squashes were using the nutrients in HIS soil and that I would use my hoe to potentially tend HIS territory, apparently I've been "disarmed" to prevent any further "illegal activity" (digging up more stones). My arguments to it being my land have been met with accusations that I'm persecuting him and I'm as bad as the people that persecuted him in the past. The other allotment owners have threatened to burn down his shed!

How about some of these?

How old is he?

I reckon late 40's/early 50's and a civil servant?

just gone back to check and he's snapped my hoe, stolen my spade and stamped on my squashes which were on the "disputed territory", I confronted him and his argument was that my squashes were using the nutrients in HIS soil and that I would use my hoe to potentially tend HIS territory, apparently I've been "disarmed" to prevent any further "illegal activity" (digging up more stones). My arguments to it being my land have been met with accusations that I'm persecuting him and I'm as bad as the people that persecuted him in the past. The other allotment owners have threatened to burn down his shed!

Sounds like a police job to me. :/

Sounds like a mental health job to me.

Seriously, it sounds like the guy has problems. Involving the police might be doing him a favour in the long run if it results in him getting the help he seems to need.

Sounds like a police job to me. :/

+1 criminal damage and theft to start with.

burn his shed down, that will teach him…….seriously.

Just make sure he is not in it 😆

This has to be a wind up.

there are no victims, only volunteers

I've tipped a bag of rocks I had collected all over his side of the fence.

So you've just tipped a load of rocks onto your own allotment, you're rubbish at this!!

You've just vandalised your own property!! FFS man.

If he's that fussed you've got to hit 'em where it hurts, I bet he loves his allotment, it will be his pride and joy, a place of calm and serenity. You need a loud stereo and you need The Immigrant Song.

Play it loud and reclaim your birthright!

*NB You might want to have a cup of tea first to settle the nerves, this is normal

can i ask where in the country this is?

can i get tickets to watch?

just gone back to check and he's snapped my hoe,

Oh that does it, nobody should touch another man's hoe!

Plant marajuana on his plot and frame the sod.(no pun intended!)

wes +1

You need to either man up and knock his fence down and put your own up on the proper line, or accept you can't handle it and phone the police. He's made it quite clear when he damaged your property that he isn't going to talk about this.

Police

No point in talking to him.

Failing that – local paper "human interest" story ?

just gone back to check and he's snapped my hoe, stolen my spade and stamped on my squashes

Get the police involved , criminal damage and theft!

Get some T- shirts

or

or

Mr Nutt you need to change your forum name to Mr Spineless F$%^. 👿

Get down the garage and burn his shed down – just don't get caught.

Go round to his house and tend his front garden when he's there, no damage just say it's yours now.

Just read this thread…

Either record conversations and have witnesses or this guy is a 6a5tard
and a fruitcake!

Not worth getting stressed unless you have a good solicitor.

Don't get violent as he will retaliate and bring you to his level and win with experience. If he can't share or respect others he's a twunt and needs decking for kitchen but you'll get arrested.

Put your foot down in the council and sell the dam land-why get stressed.

Nuclear war?

The other allotment owners have threatened to burn down his shed!

Can't think why.

I've changed my mind. He's a crank, you'll never reason with him. Your best bet is waiting for him to die.

I've spoken tot he police just now and they don't want to get involved, the "gent" in question is known to them as something of a nuisance, prone to excessive displays of unreasonable behavior and the minute anybody raises the issue apparently he goes on like nothing else about being persecuted and that everything is unjust. They say its best just to ignore him! Should I poison his onions?

Sounds like a police job to me. :/

Don't get Sting involved ffs.

this guy is a 6a5tard

Custard?

They don't want to get involved? It's criminal damage. Press charges. If you broke his equipment he'd have you before the beak.

lets just say it appears he's "well known" to some senior officers, was "advised" against it.

Best thread ever!
Wait until he's there & start taking down the fence, when he starts kicking off at you, simply RAM THE REMAINS OF YOUR HOE RIGHT UP HIS AR$E.

I love this place, after a rubbish day at work threads like this just cheer you right up 🙂

So it's alright to be a menace and terrorise your neighbours, so long as you're a known eccentric?

I was going to say get the police involved. As they are not interested this is what you should do – if you have the balls….

Wait until it's quiet, nobody around.

PUNCH HIM SQUARE IN THE FACE!

When he falls to the ground slap in his face repeatedly with his own hands whilst telling him you will gladly pound his head in if he continues.

Walk away.

Job done.

lol

You could also kick him in the balls for added comedy value…

😈

lets just say it appears he's "well known" to some senior officers, was "advised" against it.

That's it then, all over
Your his bitch now 😆

Just start nicking his veg, you can eat it if you want otherwise just keep nicking it

Water his allotment with some of this

or just buy one of these and go to town

Just pour the roundup in his water butt, saves you having to apply it too

so it looks like I'm reduced to terrorism, am I justified? you think?