My bloody allotment is being taken over!

Elfinsafety – Member
Get me down there. I'll sort the bastard out. Time I've finished with him, he won't be able to look at a vegetable without crying….

😯

What would Shami Chakrabarti do?

if you don't need the land: "I'm happy to let you work this strip <points> because it obviously means a lot to you and you do it well but if you keep moving the bloody rope from the proper boundary I'm going to have to kill you".

Dig lots of shallow graves then start talking to your spade muttering things like:

"we'll show him"
"who's next"
"i liked the way the last one squealed"

It's fair to warn him once:

Well I contacted the council and did snow serious digging, turns out that he is the exfinance director and was given the allotment a far few years ago after a particularly nasty incident which meant that he had to move house, whilst I feel sorry for the fella he is being a complete arse now, I'm not going to give up my family plot as I'm committed to it working, why the he'll should I just because he wants to oust me?

"particularly nasty incident"

Tell us more.

Feeling sorry for him or not, doesn't give him teh right to be an arse though! In fact, he should probably know better.

Oh, and any info on the 'Nasty Incident' would appease the voyeuristic part of me!

Either move it back and plant some stuff there, take photos and if he turfs it out complain to council, wait for him to plant/grow stuff and then harvest it yourself, or just leave a strip and as he encroaches just dig it back out again.

"was given the allotment a far few years ago after a particularly nasty incident"

So what!

And in any case he was given his allotment, not yours.

Here's 2 realistic options. If he keeps trying to take your patch then surely he is breaching the rules? In that case escelate it with the council and make it very clear to them that you will take it right to the top. It will be him that gets kicked off the allotments.

Other option, tell him you would be happy for him to give you a hand in assisting you with your lot, but remind him it's yours.

In fact I would just go with the first option. Maybe take it to the point where he gets a stern warning.

If he keeps doing it then take it all the way – he only has himself to blame.
And get down there more, do a bit of research and find out what are the easiest plants to keep etc…

find out what are the easiest plants to keep etc…

weeds are the easiest to keep.

what are the easiest plants to keep etc…

Weeds

Something about his family being persecuted, a very nasty affair by all accounts, I does seem like the abused is now turning into an abuser 🙁

How about planting a couple of rows of bombers in the boundary area?

It's nothing to do with you though.

He's very obviously not gotten over it. That's his problem not yours.

choke him out

or

land mine

Could rent you out a couple of my daughters Giant Snails, should munch through his entire patch in no time at all

hmm so the council aren't interested, neither are the other allotment owners, although they all openly dislike this fella, it would seem that terrorism is my only option?

Letter to council formally lodging a complaint stating that you will escalate up teh council heirachy if you don't hear anything within 2 weeks. That way, the underlings know they are in for a bollocking if they don't take it seriously

Perhaps his family was persecuted due to this man's actions in the first place. Sounds like a proper little allotment nazi. Take the fight to the man and you can be an allotment hero (with gammy toes)

Keep complaining to the council, they probably hope you will stop before they have to actually do something.

rig one of the posts up to an alarm and a cunning booby trap with a hidden camera to capture it all (and him)

Write to the council informing them that you are formally considering a tender process to your own complaint. This will excite the person who receives it soo much he/she will write back requesting to be part of the administrative process.

plant some of these

The council have made it clear they are not going to help, this guys better connected than I ever would be with that bunch of nefarious rats, not too long ago he rollered the strip that I'd just seeded 🙁

Have you considered just punching him in the face?

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Diol1/DoItOnline/DG_4018266

Failing that…..

I had a problem with an old woman taking over my patch, I hired Jean Reno, not seen her since?

have you spoken to him?

yes, other allotment owners have threatened him! he just claims to be persecuted!

You could of course go the other way – you don't have the time or resources to do a proper job on the whole of your patch whilst he clearly has time on his hands. You could have a face to face conversation where you state you are aware of what he is doing with his rope & find it quite amusing (making clear that "plot politics" are a bit petty & beneath you!). Tell him that if he is willing to agree & abide by the exact boundary you could be willing to lend him a proportion of your plot on a season by season basis until you are in a position to manage the whole thing by yourself.

He might be a git, but if you can bring an old boy like this on board they have a wealth of knowledge to pass on and as everyone else hates him, you could become his little project. Win win.

Tried talking, he won't listen and has basically said that he's got more right to be there than me!

So he admits he's taking over your land but thinks he's OK to do that?

Is he willing to discuss this with you and the council? If he thinks he's right then he should be able to get the council to agree? Maybe rent him some of your patch in return for 1/2 the veg. Or just take it then prove it's on your land.

+1 for Mr Munro's idea. moody old git, like everyone else has said, just blatantly move the rope whilst he is there, and firmly state "if you move it again your nose is getting smashed across your face"!!

get all the STWers over to your plot for a kinder-esque stomping?

Go get some snails and start throwing them into his plot when he is there.

If the council won't do anything, contact your local MP and tell them what is happening and you fear corruption in the council. Mention that you will take it higher up in the offical government complaints as you can until somebody answers.

Stand back and watch the fireworks fly.

write "from all of us" in bleach over his allotment.

rip the rope out whilst glaring at him, breathing very heavily then hold it high above your head screaming "i will avenge you grandad!!"

arrest him for trespassing and damage of property

threaten to call the papers about a "council protects one of their own" story

MASSIVE fence

move the rope back then stand in his way, naked.

Could you not use the piece of allotment directly by the boundary as a 'storage area' for a long, thin strip of builders rubble, large rocks, iron pipes etc. to make more of a permanent boundary?

Just move the rope to the right place, dump all your essential stuff in your new 'storage area' and that'll be that.

I've got some bind weed you can have if you want. Once it takes hold he's doomed 😈

Document and photograph everything. Write to the council and ask for a written reply stating why they will not assist you. Ask for the plans for the allotment and the diagram with your plot on it. If you have a friend who is a solicitor it might help or you could gather some evidence and get the local paper involved.

I've got some bind weed you can have if you want. Once it takes hold he's doomed

And so are you. 👿

And everyone else on the allotment! 😈

Build a pump track over your and his patch?

There is a legally defined size for an allotment which is about 1 16th of an acre (roughly 250 square metres in dodgy euro measurements 😉 ) although some half plots of 1 32nd of an acre (125 square metres) are allocated on occasion if demand is high or someone can't cope with a full plot.