MTB'er Attacked in Turf War- Quantocks, Somerset

Whilst enjoying the pleasures of the Quantocks yesterday I decided to do a little bit of exploring and to my surprise came across a new “informal track” which had already been taped off by the Quantock Rangers. I decided not risk it and take the track however did “I admit” take it for 20metres or so to join onto another well established one.

Imagine my surprise that almost as soon as I joined this informal track an unknown insect flew straight into my ear. I continued never the less and stopped a minute or so at the bottom of the next track. I stuck my finger in my ear to flick it (insect still buzzing away) when I noticed nothing was there, even when i stuck my finger “in” my ear hole. Shit I thought, however continued my ride to the closest house stopping with the intention of asking the homeowners for some tweezers and a little help. I explained my strange “insect in ear” story. A little bemused the lady, reasonably willing, looked inside my ear. Nope nothing there however when the wife placed a better pair of glasses on i got the reply.

“I CAN SEE IT. ITS REALLY DEEP. IT LOOKS BIG BUT I CAN’T GET IT OUT”

Crap, i thought but thanked the pair and continued my ride back to my car and onto a friends house. A hour and a half later the insect was still buzzing around, I could actually feel it getting deeper when riding back to the car!! WHAT A FEELING!!

On arrival at my friends it was obvious the insect was dying, with it fluttering starting to slow. Olive Oil was poured into my ear and poof it was dead. Not much of a fight in its dying moments, not that i’m complaining.

Slept on the ear overnight – no success. Nothing came out.

GP the next day with no sight of the bugger in my ear. GP didn’t believe me and thought it had fallen out overnight and that it was proberly a fly that got out!! Luckily enough they decided to send me to the ear specialist at the local hospital encase I had decaying organic matter in my ear i.e. a rotting corpse!

Arrival at the ear,eye and throat specialist. Again no joy, “CANT SEE ANYTHING” the Doctor explained for a few minutes of examination. Microscope pulled out (JUST ENCASE I WAS TELLING THE TRUTH) and a few seconds later
“I CAN SEE A LEG. DONT REALLY KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS BUT IT LOOKS LIKE A SPIDER” she said!!

“I’LL HAVE TO SUCTION IT OUT” she continued, obviously not really sure that it was really dead!

Moments later I was having my ear vacuumed and after a few minutes and a number of attempts I felt the organic matter unplug and stop the vacuum. “EERRRR” the Doctor pronounces. I know I thought, that felt **** WEIRD!

Well here is a picture of my friend (deceased) after being drowned in Olive Oil and sucked through a vacuum. Of course he was much better in his prime – i.e. LARGER, dry and alive!!

Frankly, in closing I think it was an unprovoked attack in a prolonged turf war where either the Quantock Rangers sent the bugger in to keep these trail builders away or the trail builders trying to keep the Rangers away. Anyway an innocent got attacked, I HOPE IT HASNT LAYED EGGS.

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/703/quantockbug.jpg/

Theory is that putting your head/ear next to a bright light coaxes the insect out.

I would imagine that you need to do this before you drown it in olive oil.

Nice story. I was about to ask why everyone’s shouting, then I thought maybe it’s cos you have a fly in your ear.

Before it died it laid eggs…………

It HAS laid eggs!! 😆

did it take that big stick into your ear too?

maybe it’s been tunnelling?

Sometimes I shouldn’t read STW on a lunch break…

I feel for you Dwight! I had a similar experience, after 2 hours of it scratching buzzing in my ear a friend flushed the little bugger out. Like yours, it had buried itself right down to the ear drum!

Not a nice experience and like you everyone was saying I can’t see it… Well I can bloody hear it scratching!

I wouldn’t like that to happen to me. No sir, not one little bit 🙁

I feel quite queasy now;

http://www.entusa.com/external_ear_canal.htm

OMG it was one of these,

😯
Never mind Tyres, what earplugs for the Q’s. 😯

Have you got Shrek sized ears??

That looks a nasty piece of work, not liking the claw on its tail either.

@ torsoinalake – it was in my ear for a hour and a half. It was suffocating. I’m sure if could turn around and see “the light” it would of come out before then!!

@ qwerty and Crell – 😥

@ wwaswas – that was the end of the vacuum, that only just got through the ear canal to where the bastard had gone! Oh and thanks for the nightmares those pics have now given me!

Eww! Sod that! It has blatantly laid eggs though!!

Wow, Wrath of Khan stuff!

I’m not saying Dwight’s ears are big but the wife’s a bit niffed that all her Extra Virgin Olive Oil is gone. 😆

It doesn’t seen to have put him off, I’ve just found a text from Dwight saying he’ll be up on the Quantocks at 19:00hrs. Maybe I should meet him up there with some earplugs or a swimming cap.