Leaving a 10 month old with in-laws for a week

Given the recent parenting advice offered on some recent threads I thought I'd pose this one.

Me and MrsGrahamS have been going on an annual skiing/boarding holiday with our mates every year for ten years +.
It's often the only big holiday we take in a year, and often the only time we get to see some of said mates.

BUT we now have a little girl, who'll be just 10 months old by Feb.

Our current plan is to leave her with her grandparents (my in-laws) for the week while we swan off skiing and boozing with nary a care in the world.

Are we:

A) being incredibly selfish and clearly not taking our responsibilities as parents seriously.

B) giving the grandparents precious time with her, while taking the chance to make some time for ourselves.

Oneside – What do they think, have you asked them? And how many overnighters will she have done by then?

Otherside – grow-up and miss a year.

I think it depends upon how comfortable your baby is with your in-laws. If she sees them several times a week and is very comfortable with them then go for it. If they live 100s miles away and you only see them once in a blue moon then probably not a good idea.

If it were me I would see how she copes with being left for a weekend before deciding. You also run the risk of missing first steps, words etc.

No doubt she'll be fine and you'll enjoy the holiday.

We did consider something similar but I'll be honest – I was too soppy and didn't want to miss a week with my son. Everyone's different.

Seems very selfish to me.

I can't stand to be away from my 6 month old for longer than one night.

I reckon it is a bit too soon to know whether at 10 months she will be up to being away from you for a week, given that she is only 4 months old now.

I wouldn't do it for the same reason as above – I miss my girls (15 months) during the day at work, never mind a whole week away from them.

Have you considered taking her and compromising what you do when you get there (ie, share the childcare and take turns to ski with the group)

I couldn't do it.

I wouldn't even leave our two year old for a two days let alone a week. I miss him like mad even if I stay away for a night!

Can you bring her and get a nanny to look after her on holiday? Worked well with my sister when she was about a year old.

I was still breastfeeding at 10 months. Didn't get a holiday until my daughter was 7. (wasn't bf for 7 years mind!)

Do it!!!

Welcome to parent hood once the kids are here there are some sacrifices that must be made.

Go she'll love the week with her Grandparents, they'll love having time with her and you love the weeks break but will miss her.

Been on a few holidays without the kids and loads of weekends away, it's hard but the break is great.

I'd do it given half the chance, I don't see the problem there with people you know and trust. Time on your own I think is important and for the child. It's not like your going away for long, a weeks no time at all

I went away for a night when Thump was 10-months old. He was so excited to see me the next day he threw up.

Read into that what you will.

KINGTUT – Member
Seems very selfish to me.

I can't stand to be away from my 6 month old for longer than one night.

Trust me TUT, you'll want a week off in a couple of years.
I'm off to spain on saturday with the kids(and mother) following behind on monday evening. No bickering siblings for a whole THREE days. I can't wait. 8)

our LO has just turned 10 months, couldn't bare not to see his smile in the morning.
I could do a night, but not a week.

This is one of those questions where almost no one is qualified to answer the question for you, even those of us that have kids.

So I will help you reach an answer by asking you a question in return (and this is not meant as emotional blackmail or a judgement, just a reality check for you):

You're away having a great time when you get a call from your inlaws/parents saying that something really terrible has happened and while your daughter is OK, she is in hospital and really needs you. But you're not there and then you find you can't get back until the end of the week.

If you're OK with how you might feel in that situation, and your inlaws are also OK with it (and in practical terms, that's a big ask for them, especially if they're older) then go and have fun.

OK that's probably a bit harsh and like I said not meant as emotional blackmail (I don't think you'd be a bad person if you went, just very human), but it's a test of how you really feel about leaving her.

Welcome to the next x number of years of your life.

We've not had more than 1 night away from MFL Jr in 10 years, severe post natal depression limited things for 4 years, since then aged grandparents on my side mean we're often last in line when there are 10 other grandkids to look after, and in-laws have basically said no.

So if in-laws are capable of looking after your daughter, and you're happy to do it, then do it, just don't take the piss, the baby is entitled to holidays as much as you guys are

I agree with what geetee has said above, you'd not forgive yourselves if you were not there and there was a problem.

EDIT: Bit heavy that really.

Do it. Give yourselves a break, and your in-laws time to bond with their grandchild. S'what family's for, innit?

Four YEARS of PND? Ouch. That's nasty.

As everyone on here says it is not really a case of right and wrong, I cannot see a moral objection too it can you?

It is more about how you feel, if you are happy to do it then no problems, but seeing as you are asking then maybe you feel guilty? You have to ask do you feel guilt towards the kids? If yes then do not go. Or you are just worried about what other people think, in which case **** them go on holiday.

I have left our 21 month old twins with their grandparents twice overnight. The first time was at 15 months and it was too early, they missed us and we missed them. 2nd time, a few weeks ago was better. No way I'd do a week though.

Might have made a difference if they had been in childcare.

If you want my advice, leave it for a year or 2 until the grandparents have something constructive to offer the child.

Surf-Mat – Member
Four YEARS of PND? Ouch. That's nasty.

Oh yes, and she still isn't over it in many ways. We often get asked why we stopped at 1 child – erm, plonker, if you know us properly, isn't it clear enough??

Point is, sometimes you need a break

But is he doing it because he needs a break or because he wants to carry on having no responsibilities?

I reckon he should leave it a year or two and take kiddie with them.

Or go for a long weekend and leave kiddie with the grandparents?

it was no problem for us with each of our 3 – they all enjoyed it

i would leave it this year. but thats me.
we had a few weekends away at that age and the gandparents thought that was long enough.

It's appaling how badly diagnosed PND can be sometimes and indeed Pre-Natal Depression is even more poorly understood/diagnosed. The worst part of this is that PND is treatable and is recognised as being different to other forms of despression in that it has a definite start, definite end and a definite pathology, although that pathology is not well understood.

MFL if it was your wife you were referring to then as one man experiencing PND to another you have my heartfelt condolences.

I wish I had been in the position to do what you propose Graham. Had the opportunity arisen we would have taken it. Parents need a break and as said previously, grandparents love looking after grandchildren. They probably wouldn't cope long term but a week is a good length of time for all concerned. Just make sure your nipper is ok being with them.

You may miss her but then again, at least you'll get a decent kip!

I knew this would get some interesting responses.

Some points:

– The in-laws do live a fair distance away from us. They currently get to see her roughly every five weeks (i.e. by the time we've done a full cycle of my (seperated) parents, my sister, brother-in-law, friends)

– They are retired but active and loved looking after the brother-in-laws two boys (5 & 3) recently.

– They offered.

– my mum has offered to come with us and act as nanny instead. This would be a perfect option, but it's £900 per person so not sure the budget can stretch.

– yes we could take her with us on our own. It's one option we are considering.

– yes we would miss her terribly.

if they offered then crack on.

biggest question is could you and MrsG_S enjoy the holiday without the child being there.

tbh, I could probably have manage dit but my wife would have spent the whole time fretting (plus she was still breastfeeding both of ours when they were 10 months).

I do laugh at parents who wont leave their kids with grandparents for a night or few, dont you trust your own parents? anyhow I guess its a personal decision and you do what you are happy with. I have a son who is 6 when he was just over 1 we went to NYC for 10 days. He was born at 27 week so very prem, he also had bad colic etc so the 1st 10 monts were a nightmare. It was the best break ever and we needed it, the garndparents loved it and had quality time. we now have a 1.5 year old daughter, we leave them both with grandparents for the odd night or weekend so we can have quality time and relax with other friends without running about after them. TBH after having a prem kid you re-evaluate what is acceptable or scary. Leaving my kids for a night or 2 compared to what they have been through is nothing. I have friends who treat their kids like they are made of glass, wont leave them even for 1 hr…. kids are far more robust and happy with other people than some think. A break to recharge the bateries is a good thing!

1) doesn't the snowboarding place have a creche? You could drop the wee one off there, go snow boarding, then pick them up at night..
2) find a nice young lady to baby sit during the night and take your mobile

Not quite perfect, but at least you can sort of do what you want to do

You know this is why so many new parents end up on group skiing holidays; it's the perfect group holiday for new parents because with enough of you, you only need to miss one days skiing whilst doing your stint of child care.

p.s. as I am writing this I can hear my 13 month old son grizzling and braying in the background and am thinking, yep, no problem whatsoever with leaving him with my parents for 5 days!

If it's any help my son's had weekends (Friday afternoon or Saturday morning to Sunday evening) away with my sister-in-law and her bf since about the same age and he's been fine (though there was a lot of tears the first few times for an hour or so each time after we left). I have no doubt that he'd have been fine at that age for a week if we'd been able to cope with it 🙂

We left ours with the in-laws and went skiing when our daughter was around that age (might have been 13 months). You need a break, and a week isn't the longest time.

You worry for a bit, but not that much. As for the "what about if kiddy has to go to hospital"; my in-laws managed to have the responsibility to deal with their own kids, so they'd know what to do, and anyway we were fully contactable at all times.

A week to yourselves to remember what you were like before kids came along is no bad thing. We had a ball, acted like we were teenagers again, and skied our backsides off. One of the best holidays I can remember.

I reckon having our little one with us made our recent holiday to Majorca about ten times more fun than usual. Yes there are some trying moments but the fun bits are simply better IMO.

So spank – why laugh? Just different ideas for different parents.

AT Spanker, I son't think it is a trust issue that Graham is asking about, more would others consider it to be an imposition on the grandparents. It certainly isn't a trust issue with my parents, more that my siblings tend to be quicker to book grandparental babysitting months ahead, by the time we sort our shit out we've lost out – but then my parents have ended up with a rota of 9 kidsin a month at times!

Mat, a bit different with skiing though; you either book them into a crech (and don't see them all day) or only one of you skis. Not ideal.

What we did when the kids were a bit older was go to a family-friendly chalet, with on-hand nannies, but the kids got pretty bored, 'cos it was -15 outside so they couldn't do a lot.

In hindsight I'd only have started taking them with us from the age of about 4, when they can actually start to ski.

I'd be miffed if I didn't have them now though; my kids (12 and 10) are excellent skiers and it's fun to be out all day with them.

Yeah trust isn't an issue. They did a fine job raising MrsGrahamS so they must have done something right. 😀

As for the dreaded "kiddy in hospital" scenario. I think if you spend your life worrying about "what if"s then you'd never go anywhere. It's only Italy, in the unlikely event that something did happen we could be back the same day.

Oh and she'll be starting nursery about a month after we get back, so getting used to being with other people may not be a bad thing.

nickf: yeah she'll be joining us on skis as soon as she can 🙂

B) – do it. Time away from kids / kids with grandparents/family/friends is great for everyone.