Jokes that 95% of people won't get

Your best nerd jokes?

What’s an anagram of Banach-Tarski?

Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski.

😐

There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

I’ll repost:

What goes, “pieces of seven, pieces of seven”?

A parroty error.

There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

… and those who understand ternary.

There are 10 types of people – those that understand binary and those that don’t

My dog has no nose.


WELCOME TO TEXT ONLY COUNTERSTRIKE

You are in a dark outdoor map

> GO NORTH

You have been pwned by a grue

Why do nerds always get Halloween and Christmas confused?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.

There should be a godwins law type thing for xkcd references..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banach%E2%80%93Tarski_paradox still none the wiser 😳

I saw a bloke in Tescos wearing that binary “joke” on a t-shirt.
I thought what a suave gentleman. Must have a lot of lady friends.

Now that is funny Dez!

Okay, so there’s a singularity, see? And he walks up to a supernov…well he doesn’t walk up, the Universe is expanding so he kind of moves… Well, actually the singularity isn’t moving. He’s in one place but the supernova is exploding, well,… they…I mixed it up. There was a physicist and a photon. None of them were walking…

Argon walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve noble gases here!”
Argon doesn’t react.

What’s yellow and dangerous?

A canary with root password.

A SQL statement walks into a bar and spots a couple of tables. It walks over to them and asks “Can I join you?”

Werner Heisenberg is driving home from the lab one night and he gets pulled over by a policeman, who asks him “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?”. “No”, replies Heisenberg, “but i know exactly where i am”.

A Higgs Boson walks into a catholic church and sits down at a pew.

The priest’s doing his rounds, and spots the hypothetical subatomic particle sitting at a pew. The priest says “Oi! You can’t come in here. Subatomic particles don’t have souls.”

The Higgs Boson replies, “Ah! But you can’t have Mass without me”.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The fire marshal comes in and issues a citation for exceeding the occupancy permit by an infinite amount, then closes down the bar.

Cougar, too computery, I don’t get that SQL one 😐

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banach%E2%80%93Tarski_paradox still none the wiser

it seems to be about the difficulties of infinite sets. a concept that lies firmly in {things i don’t fully get}

also: eaten by a grue. sounds unpleasant.

How much does energy cost?

80p.

This is my favourite joke…

Do you want to play the rape game?

Two atoms walking down the street.

One exclaims, “blimey, I’ve just lost an electron!”

“Are you sure?” asks the second.

The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”

And so it was to be, that after the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to “Go forth and multiply.”

The ark quickly emptied, except for two small snakes, who stayed behind. When Noah asked them why, they replied, “We can’t multiply. We’re adders.”

Noah, being the resourceful man he was, immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber Therefrom.

And he saw that it was good.

The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and the snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.

😀

Two scientists walk into a bar… the first one says, “I’ll have some H2O.” The second one says, “I’ll have some H2O, too.” And then he dies.

Comic Sans walks into a bar.

The barman shouts, “get out, we don’t serve your type.”

I bought the OH a Klein Bottle for her birthday recently.

A right sod to wrap, it was.

A bloke I was talking to the other day was bragging that the temperature of his testicles was -273 degrees Celcius.

Absolute bollocks if you ask me.

See if you can get the mods to change the title from 95% to 99%, RealMan?

Why did police arrest the Adobe Acrobat?

Because he was a pdf-file.

“…The Higgs Boson replies, “Ah! But you can’t have Mass without me”. “

That punchline deserves a rather better set-up 🙂

Referencing the above:

Bloke walks into a chemist and asks for a bottle of adenosine triphosphate.

Chemist: “That’ll be 80p”

I bought the OH a Klein Bottle for her birthday recently.

A right sod to wrap, it was.

I LOVE this one. I almost bought a Klein bottle the other day, they look pretty cool. Apparently there’s a triple Klein in some museum somewhere, here’s a small picture..

Awesome.

That punchline deserves a rather better set-up

Feel free if you’re that conCERNed about it.

Bloke walks into a chemist and asks for a bottle of adenosine triphosphate.

I had to look that up; very good, like it. (-:

There are 10 types of people, those who believe people can be classed into 10 groups and those who don’t.

I had to look that up; very good, like it. (-:

Still not quite got it yet..

EDIT: Oh, got it now 😀

It’s known as “ATP”. 80p. Zing.

There are 10 types of people, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

What’s the gayest colour space? (sing along now) “Y-M-C-K…”