Internerd Dating help

OK folks, some help needed here please. I have recently joined a well-known internet dating site, on the basis that I otherwise don't meet enough slightly lonely and disappointed women who are preparing to trade down their dreams for a bit of company in some ghastly Clapham High Street wine bar. 🙂

I'm trying to write personal ad/profile stuff, and inevitably struggling (as all sane people surely must). What goes in these things?

I have ruled out the following words:

– predatory
– damaged
– scrawny
– bitter
– pegging

I have avoided all mention of:

– shaved legs
– previous partners
– the Labour Party
– DPM plastic sheeting
– octopuses
– my "Big Dummy"

I have diligently included:

– a subtle mention of my massive income
– an insinuation that I may have friends
– the Big Lie that I'm great company
– a photo of me looking sensitive but manly

Anything else I ought to deal with? Any pitfalls?

Then, I presume the tactic is "if it twitches, hit on it". Correct?

All tips gratefully appreciated… 😀

my wife was sold on me in a photo wearing an outdoors coat on top of a mountain… good conversation starter too.

ooh – I started having a look at these recently too. I'm too chicken to do much so far, can't decide if now is the right time for me

Are you using Plenty of Fish or one of the ones you have to pay for?

Strikes me its a pretty brutal game and a very thick skin is required

especially as it was held wide open and he had nothing on underneath…

tyre preference?

You need a picture of you (or someone better looking) cuddling a dog in front of an Audi TT.
Girls love that sort of thing.

cuddling a dog in front of an Audi TT

Chuckling at this. 🙂

You need a picture of you (or someone better looking) cuddling a dog in front of an Audi TT.
Girls love that sort of thing.

Would an MX-5 do, or am I telegraphing 'midlife crisis' a bit too loudly? Watching this thread with interest…

My good friend is currently internet dating to find a life partner/ suitable victim and has been sharing her experiences with me, top of the list is photography.

You need a picture ideally one taken many years ago, on holiday, in the best possible circumstances. The kind of picture that one might have taken of oneself perhaps twice in a lifetime, it is imprerative you look nothing like your photo I'm told.

If you have a decent income, preferably wear some kind of uniform to work and have a strong desire to be completely smothered I know just the girl for you.

Use this for your profile pic.

You'll be beating them off with the shitty stick.

That's a very good find Mike!

taken many years ago – check

on holiday in Bristol – check

in the best possible circumstances – that guy's eating my dust, so check

The kind of picture that one might have taken of oneself perhaps twice in a lifetime – check

it is imprerative you look nothing like your photo – here's the problem. I'm actually almost exactly that gorgeous in the flesh. 😀

Be yourself. You'll attract alot less hits but you wont have mentalist/pointless dates either.

**** wading through the chaff to get the wheat.

Be yourself.

This is terrible advice. I am a cretin. 🙂

hora – Member

Be yourself. You'll attract alot less hits but you wont have mentalist/pointless dates either.

Yeah, imagine having a date with Hora..

Have you thought of an ad in classified section of this site?
Open to offers / will split.

Surely casually mentioning being a regular poster on stw is all it takes?

imagine having a date with Hora

Hora, if you're putting yourself down as "woman seeks emotionally stunted man with high income in SW London for meaningless, unfulfilling sex" then this is definitely a possible. PM me. 😉

I've always been myself. Although not in anyway a 'catch' I've always attracted similar girls to me (in a good way). If I created a new image/persona I might have ended up with nutters.

Depends on your track record with lasses though- do you have a type that you attract? Has it been you or just circumstances why you split?

Are you too obsessed with bikes?

You need a picture of you (or someone better looking) cuddling a dog in front of an Audi TT.
Girls love that sort of thing.

Sure it'll be girls?

Be aware that any single female over the age of 30 is either ugly or psychotic.

😉

Watching this thread with interest…

I am too.

Mainly for the follow up postings when said Clapham venues have been visited, and dirty sheets hastily straightened in trying to make a good second impression…

Ignore hora. Not only would he f— a frog if it stopped hopping, but he's a new parent and must be having a lack-of-sleep induced psychosis.

Be aware that any single female over the age of 30 is either ugly or psychotic.

To maintain the overriding theme of this site:

Fit, sane, single. Pick two.

If I created a new image/persona I might have ended up with nutters.

One can't help suspecting that there's a few girls you've met who feel they've fallen foul of that particular one…

To maintain the overriding theme of this site:

Fit, sane, single. Pick two.
Said better than I managed 😉

Pick two

I am really not that fussy at this stage. 🙂

And I have two sets of impeccably bachelor-ish sheets which are kept in good order at all times. Do you take me for an amateur? 😉

Ignore hora. Not only would he f— a frog if it stopped hopping, but he's a new parent and must be having a lack-of-sleep sex induced psychosis.

fixed that 😉

– DPM plastic sheeting

😆

I have no idea what to write…but I really am looking forward to hearing about the dates which haven't gone so well.

EDIT: It helps if you've used shitloads of fabric conditioner on your bedclothes and have hung them out to dry in the fresh air. Chicks dig that shit lots.

Pyjama's aren't good (especially your Superman ones).

Make sure your eyes look deep and mysterious, with a hint of sadness…you'll be like a walking piece of velcro 🙂

A girl I used to work with told me about the more interesting dating sites…

The ones were likeminded people cut to the chase. She regularly visited them as she loved having threesomes with married people (shes bi-sexual) 😯

Be aware that any single female over the age of 30 is either ugly or psychotic

I have two friends who are over 30 and single. If I was single I'd consider them keepers- banging my head trying to work out why both girls keep meeting utter wierdo's. Heck even when I was drunk I offered a sharing arrangement (I know) 🙄

All men over 30 who are LONGterm single are:
– Are too close to their Mother
– Live with other likeminded males like perpetual students (who never grew up)
– Commitment-shy.
– Have an almost autistic-obsession with a hobby?

And I have two sets of impeccably bachelor-ish sheets which are kept in good order at all times.

Just make sure the vinyl hasn't perished.

You could always put down you ride a !7" and 19" at the weekend? 😯

It can be a highly enriching experience I'm sure.

My chum has had her house decorated, garden sorted and furniture moved by a succession of amourous suitors who had more enthusiasm than sense, don't fall prey to mercenaries.

Demonstrate a sense of humour don't tell people you've got one.

All men over 30 who are LONGterm single are:
– Are too close to their Mother
– Live with other likeminded males like perpetual students (who never grew up)
– Commitment-shy.
– Have an almost autistic-obsession with a hobby?

Dont really agree with this I tend to get the feeling you dont really need as many men as women. There seem to be a lot of men who marry some one their own age have a family then leave and start again with a younger women. If all men were to do this you'd only need half as many men as women, but obviously they dont.

garden sorted

Phnarr!

I met my wife on an internet dating site.

My advice would don't take too much notice of what people write on profiles most of it is made up. Speak on an instant messenger service to get a better idea, & then phone before meeting

If only.

He did a complete revamp anmd landscape and then she binned him.

Since her divorce she seems keen to punish mankind for the failings of her ex..

NO PICS WEARING BUDGIE SMUGGLERS

Stalk them for charity…

I met my man on a dating website 🙂

The things that attracted him to me was:

a) He had 'normal' pictures but also photos of him mountain biking which was a really good talking point

b) He was funny in his messages but wasn't trying too hard

c) He remembered all the stuff I said to him and referred to things in later conversations, which showed me that he wasn't getting me mixed up with loads of other girls he was talking to 😉

d) He took it slowly, messaged me for a few weeks, had a couple of phonecalls and then asked me out on a date.

e) He was up front and told the truth! Very important…if you lie about yourself on a dating site, you WILL get found out eventually.

We now live together and have both never been happier (cheesy, sorry!). Does any of that help?

That's both rather sweet and very helpful satsoma. 🙂