Nope. The next best thing is to casually say “nice evening for it” as you stroll by.
Or, as a good riding buddy and GP did one evening, offer medical assistance as they were clearly underdressed to be in a car in Rivelin Valley on December….he made this offer while tapping the window and shining his headlight in..
I’ve been racing CX since the early 90’s, organising and course marking for new courses is fraught with danger, and a very high risk of meeting two partially clad, errrr, individuals in a forest somewhere. I don’t even know how many times, a dozen at least.
Then the big weekend ride a group of us did in the Peak district, a near enough 200km off road loop over three days. Second day somewhere near the top of some massive climb we stopped for a leg stretch, a comfort break and some food. Some of us decided to hop over a dry stone wall to get out of the wind (less risk of blowback) to find a couple of teenagers, frozen in terror, half way through the act.
What’s more impressive is they were about 5 miles from the nearest inhabited building. True dedication to the cause.
In the first couple of weeks living here in Germany I found these nice nice tight trails in the woods near the center of the city. I found out fairly early why these trails existed. I rode along there one evening to find a young male pair involved in the act of sodomy with an audience of what seemed like hundreds watching on with their tackle out. I was so speechless that all I could muster to say was one of the only phrases I had learned in German at that point… Viel Spaß noch!
Many years ago, in Freshfield Nature Reserve, I happened across a young couple in a shady glade. I can only assume she must had been stung by a wasp in her groin area because her male companion was bravely attempting to suck out the venom (or so it seemed from a distance of 20m as I sauntered by).
He seemed to be very effective as this as she jumped up quickly and rolled her dress back down…
I’m yet to meet them in real life but there’s quite an active dogging club of some kind near me. They take group ‘action’ pics and then bizarrely print them out on black and white A4 paper and then proceed to distribute the home printed A4 pics in the local hedges for all and sundry to see??!!
It’s bizarre, especially being out cycling and at times of their prolific activity there’ll be home made dogging po×n placed in the hedges at 200-300m interviews for a mile or two! :-O
“What’s more impressive is they were about 5 miles from the nearest inhabited building. True dedication to the cause.”
I met a couple on the moors one summer’s day. The chap was lying back, watching the summer clouds and she seemed to be, er, bobbing for apples in his pocket… Being on a bike, I was there and gone again before they had a chance to react, but my friend following got all of their visible embarrassment without knowing why…
Did make me think that, on foot, we were MILES/hours from the nearest road or house, but on a bike, it was probably eight minutes into our descent from the main road. Top tip, if you’ve hiked miles for a blowie, don’t camp out on an actual trail junction… maybe go into the heather a little.
There’s hundreds of miles of forestry where I live and I often commute through on my MTB. I see all sorts of strange things, including what looked like a dead kangaroo but turned out to be a mutilated “mannequin” once on a little used track around the side of a disused quarry. Weirdly it disappeared within a week of me seeing it. Another time a steamy windowed car and a couple that were laughing their heads off with embarrassment. The preponderance of ‘utes’ means there’s often a bit of tailgate action happening too.
A mate insists that people that reverse park in one of the mtb car parks are signalling intent… I said there’s no way people are doing things in this car park, it’s so public. Then one day i’m riding home from work, heading through the car park and there’s a large white female bottom poking out of an open car window! I’d suggest that car was too small for two people to try and change into their riding gear at the same time.
It’s happeneing everywhere FFS! Considering I now know that the location I was in is a local cottaging (see, learnt the correct term) hot spot, I can’t believe this is the first time I have caught them at it
I’ve never seen anything myself, even though i’ve been riding on the Chase, mecca that it is, for many years. A good friend of mine was employed by the geezer who was embroiled in the Stan Collymore dogging affair.
When it became public, the only thing that really pissed him off was being described as ‘portly’ in the National press.
There was a video doing the rounds a few years back of a couple getting amorous in some trailside woods, as I recall they never even broke sweat as however many guys hurtled past giving verbal encouragement.
Remember some of the Vibe Racing boys telling the story of being out in Kinnoull Woods (maybe? somewhere near there) and stumbling upon a full blown porn set. The title escapes me at the moment and I’m sure as hell not googling it in work time. A variation of Monarch of the Glen or something similar springs vaguely to mind.
rounding the corner, lit up for a split second, were a couple of blokes… and then they, and we, were gone.
We’d gone round the corner on our way though they were still imprinted on our retinas. Perhaps it was the flash of white skin, though I do remember some stripey boxers too…
Made me think of this…
The preponderance of ‘utes’ means there’s often a bit of tailgate action happening too.
Is that a euphemism? Why does one need a ute? Oh, gotcha, tradesmans…
a local cottaging (see, learnt the correct term) hot spot
I thought that was what happened in public toilets? Cruising is outdoors (which I always found amusing in the Max Power days).
Is that a euphemism? Why does one need a ute? Oh, gotcha, tradesmans…
Not in this case actually… people put the Ute’s tailgate down as a ledge.
As a student union bouncer one of our jobs was to check and clear the basement cubicles at Bloomsbury Theatre. Possibly the most awkward thing I’ve ever been paid to do. Again I literally mean we had to go into the gents, check under the doors and if there were more than two legs visible ask the occupants politely to move on. Amazing how many people get sick and have their friends help them out in a small toilet cubicle.
There was a video doing the rounds a few years back of a couple getting amorous in some trailside woods, as I recall they never even broke sweat as however many guys hurtled past giving verbal encouragement.
A very long time ago I was night riding on the Mendips with a few riding buddies. We came screaming down a decent into a car park to find a very fat dude, hammering into his equally fat lass on the bonnet of his old Rover. We stopped open mouthed, he looked back and said ‘evening’ and didn’t miss a beat. We rode on…
turned out to be a mutilated “mannequin” once on a little used track around the side of a disused quarry.
A few years ago we went rock climbing at a local quarry, to discover a couple of several-metre high polystyrene penises. We assumed we’d missed some sort of amateur film set. I have a photo somewhere.
Hmmmm… as teenagers we used to take the piss out of an older guy with a gold sd1 that used to try and pick up schoolgirls. He’d sprayed the wheels to match the bodywork, you could see gold overspray on the tyres. Pure class. He wasn’t fat though.
I asked a mate whose knowledgeable about these sorts of things and he told me that the whistling is a type of code signalling what kind of “action” the person is looking for.
few years back I encountered a couple on the North Loop of Whinlatter. Mid afternoon, just a few feet away from the trail.
I was quite envious of the lads stamina. I’m usually pooped by the time I reach that bit……
Many many years ago whilst serving in the Military, was on a patrol around some quiet lanes of the RAF base I was stationed at. Saw a parked vehicle a few 100 yards away, front door was open and something was sticking out.
As I got closer I realised it was a pink bottom. A chap was kneeling outside of the car whilst the young lady was still sat in the passenger seat. It was 3pm. As I drove past he just waved “Afternoon!!” and carried on.
I asked a mate whose knowledgeable about these sorts of things and he told me that the whistling is a type of code signalling what kind of “action” the person is looking for
Can only assume this is a knock on effect of the demise of the handkerchief.
Just chatting to the dog walker as she picked up Toby and recounted my story. She is pretty young (early 20’s) and was amused but not hugely taken aback by it. I finished by saying “Anyway, wanted to let you know as you use that area and I am sure you can avoid the same experience by staying to the outside paths not in the wood” Her answer was, “ahhhhh it will be fine, I know a few people who will have done that in their younger years, just a bit of fun” I took a moment and looked at her, and explained that these were fully grown adults, one was over 40 if not 50. The look on her face, it changed from amusement to looking like she would be sick on her walking shoes 🙂
I think I may have to have a diciplinary hearing based around ageism. Fun in the woods should not just be reserved for the young (actually it should, nobody wants to see naked wrinklys)
If you live in Brighton your “I happened upon two men …” stories don’t really count. It’s Brighton.
@johnjn2000
I assume you’ve tried the ‘give your dog a treat every time you see a cyclist’ technique? It worked with mine, eventually. He’s learned to give his full attention to me as soon as he sees a bike.
I assume you’ve tried the ‘give your dog a treat every time you see a cyclist’ technique? It worked with mine, eventually. He’s learned to give his full attention to me as soon as he sees a bike.
@easily, trust me, we have done all the things. The muzzle makes it difficult to administer treats quickly and efficiently however pre muzzle he was given treats for all the scenarios he reacts to with no significant improvement in reaction. The strangest experience was when the in laws insisted on doing a long dog walk on a route strewn with bikes and people, he reacted to 50% of the bikes others he just ignored. He is the same with people, some he will ignore, about 1% he will actively interact positively with (trait of the breed, are not interested in others outside of family) and others he will yell at, usually men. He is difficult out of the house that is for sure, but an absolute pleasure when at home. Appreciate the suggestion though and always open to anything we may not have tried. I don’t have any more money in the pot for the behaviourist to continue but do constantly work on the challenge ourselves
On a related, but much scarier note, a guy i ride with was out on a big long solo night ride a couple of decades ago and came to a gate in the middle of forest. Part of a long fency/hedge thing.
Hops off his bike, opens and swings the (very) creaky gate so he can get through, when half the forest stands up and starts to move past him, one misshapen lump quietly whispers “cheers mate, done us a favour there” in his ear.
The lot of them promptly disappear back into the woods leaving him with an open gate and slightly soiled clothing.
