How stinky are your trumps?

Mine are wonderful. If I could bottle them people would buy them to add odour and taste to any meal. A joyous experience. No idea why the wife opens the windows, moans all night and then let’s some decaying matter type odour escape herself.
Must admit to clearing a bar once. Several days of dehi camping food and real ales. The Llanerch in Llandrindod Wells had two bars in the early 80’s, one of which was packed until I let one go. 2 minutes later it was empty. 😮

Not entirely sure what is causing this but mine are smelling like a bad sewage treatment plant in a heatwave.
Was nearly sick

I’ve had to check my gusset for mahogany twice today already.

This quote has made my day.

I’ve had the elderly in laws staying since the 23rd. This, coupled with my bungalow layout and a bathroom that has the sound proofing qualities of a whispering gallery, has meant that I’ve been unable to avoid hearing in minute detail the individual comings and goings of two well fed pensioners and my partner.
It’s without doubt the most perfect anti-aphrodisiac.

I’ve been taking my revenge by waiting till they are all asleep, and constricting my lower abdominal muscles with such force that my anal emissions sound like a merlin engine rattling through the hallway. This wakes them from their slumber unawares as to what the deathly noise was that startled them awake. They think my house is haunted.
I’d be in trouble with the council if they showed up with a sound level meter.

I’ll be honest; mine have been loud and frequent but don’t smell bad. My latest and greatest actually smelt like turkey and stuffing.

I shouldn’t eat stuffing anymore, it makes my farts and shit smell exactly like sage and onion, which then makes the real smell of sage and onion somewhat less appetising. A bit like how sugar puffs make your piss smell like sugar puffs. Only much, much worse.

I’ve had a lot of stuffing.
And beans.
And a big vegan shepherd’s pie with lentils.
And sprouts.
And falafel with loads of chilli sauce.
And beer.
And Christmas pudding.

And that’s just the last 24 hours…

My wife’s about to learn the true horror of the Dutch Oven at Christmas, assuming she doesn’t get me first…

Mine are rank, I’m in the spare room as a result….

Bad thing is, I’m getting on a plane this afternoon, for an 8 hour flight 😳

I have discraced myself, my family and my species.

Our bedroom smells like someone’s been frying dog shit in it, my wife’s stopped talking (not just to me, she’s just sitting in silence) and my dogs are scared.

First vegan Christmas has gone well…

Today was my wife’s first day back at work after the hols, so she was up earlier than me. I was awoken by the blinds being quickly rolled up and the window thrust open. Not a word.

I guess the novelty has worn off.

I think something might have died. Somewhere in the bedroom , under the bed perhaps. ?
I hope the neighbours lad got a tuba or trombone for xmas and is learning to play it ….

I’ve managed to isolate the source to the goose-fat roast potatoes, it’s calming down a little but still some are nostril hair singe tastic

I shared a room with my 13 year old at my father’s last night. Dear lord, the wallpaper was peeling off in the morning…

trombone for xmas